The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

I love everything about it.

For me, it is the closest to feeling like you’re on another planet and I happen to like that.

One of the things I regret is that I have spent too much time living in countries where English is the native language.

UK, Singapore, US Australia … even HK, though it’s less so than it used to be …

Now I know that if I really wanted to, I could have changed that – but opportunities arose where they arose and whilst it ultimately made acclimatising to a new country much easier, I always felt like I was still pretty ‘close to home’.

To be honest, technology had a big hand in that … because suddenly I was able to read the Evening Post whether I was in Nottingham or Shanghai and thanks to SKYPE, I could see my Mum’s lovely face each and every day.

Of course this is all brilliant and something I probably take way too much for granted, however there’s something wonderful in feeling a stranger – surrounded by people and cultures that are about as opposite to your own as you can get.

Suddenly you have to think about the smallest thing. You see the most inane details in a new light. You feel frightened, challenged and exhilarated all at the same time.

And whilst it can quite quickly wear thin – it’s also exhilarating and makes you feel alive again.

Which leads me back to Tokyo.

I’ve always wanted to live there. Always.

Infact last year it almost happened but because of a bunch of factors [Google anyone?] it didn’t … and whilst it all worked out for the best, it still disappointed me … which is why I’m so happy Sunshine/M&C is going to be opening an office there in a few months.

Sadly [but happily for them] I won’t be moving there … but the fact I will get to spend a hell of a lot more time in one of my favourite places in the World is a good thing, except for that bloke who came on here a while back and basically called me Satan’s spawn for flying too much.

However that isn’t the purpose of this post. As usual.

Whilst I’ve complained in the past that the typical Asian ad campaign is basically a celebratory endorsing some product or other … in Japan, they take it to a whole new level.

Celebratory endorsement is in so much demand, that the buy-out rates for a campaign in Japan can exceed the cost of the rest of the World put together.

So its little surprise every 2 bit, A-to-Z grade ‘star’ heads over to the land of the Rising Sun to make a quick couple of mill endorsing everything from chocolate to bloody fags.

Now in the past they used to be able to get away with selling their soul because no one on this side of the planet would ever see it.

To be honest, that was a good thing for them and their fans.

Good for them, because it meant they could pocket a tidy bunch without losing their cred. Good for the fans because there’s nothing more upsetting than seeing an actor you rate perform the sort of shit you’d expect to see at a cabaret guest house.

In Blackpool.

In February.

However that’s all over now thanks to the internet …

Well, I say all over … what I actually mean is that given actors are bigger whores than adfolk or, errrrm prostitutes … we’ll still see a steady procession of them heading over there to happily look twats for cash, however this time, the World won’t be left in the dark, we can all get together and share their humiliation.

And what humiliation it is.

A while back I was in Tokyo and I came across one of the shittest ads I have ever seen featuring none other than Woody Allen’s muse, Scarlett Johansson.

Yep, the woman who has cultivated an image of beauty, sophistication and elegance thanks to her movies and ambassador role for uber-chic brands like D&G, showed she’s not above dropping her [credibility] pants by lending her exquisite face to, errrrm coffee.

Oh but it gets worse. Oh yes it does.

Obviously the Starbucks rip off brand identified a new segment to tap into … which I can only assume is the sexual deviant … because after offering to blow another wad all over Scarlett’s face, she came back and did this …

Isn’t it amazing how they’ve managed to marry purity and sophistication with celebratory blowjob all in one piece of beautiful film. Seriously, I can’t wait for when she endorses the Japanese Horse Sausage company.