The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Selling Your Soul For The Yen …
June 22, 2009, 6:34 am
Filed under: Comment

I love Japan.

I love everything about it.

For me, it is the closest to feeling like you’re on another planet and I happen to like that.

One of the things I regret is that I have spent too much time living in countries where English is the native language.

UK, Singapore, US Australia … even HK, though it’s less so than it used to be …

Now I know that if I really wanted to, I could have changed that – but opportunities arose where they arose and whilst it ultimately made acclimatising to a new country much easier, I always felt like I was still pretty ‘close to home’.

To be honest, technology had a big hand in that … because suddenly I was able to read the Evening Post whether I was in Nottingham or Shanghai and thanks to SKYPE, I could see my Mum’s lovely face each and every day.

Of course this is all brilliant and something I probably take way too much for granted, however there’s something wonderful in feeling a stranger – surrounded by people and cultures that are about as opposite to your own as you can get.

Suddenly you have to think about the smallest thing. You see the most inane details in a new light. You feel frightened, challenged and exhilarated all at the same time.

And whilst it can quite quickly wear thin – it’s also exhilarating and makes you feel alive again.

Which leads me back to Tokyo.

I’ve always wanted to live there. Always.

Infact last year it almost happened but because of a bunch of factors [Google anyone?] it didn’t … and whilst it all worked out for the best, it still disappointed me … which is why I’m so happy Sunshine/M&C is going to be opening an office there in a few months.

Sadly [but happily for them] I won’t be moving there … but the fact I will get to spend a hell of a lot more time in one of my favourite places in the World is a good thing, except for that bloke who came on here a while back and basically called me Satan’s spawn for flying too much.

However that isn’t the purpose of this post. As usual.

Whilst I’ve complained in the past that the typical Asian ad campaign is basically a celebratory endorsing some product or other … in Japan, they take it to a whole new level.

Celebratory endorsement is in so much demand, that the buy-out rates for a campaign in Japan can exceed the cost of the rest of the World put together.

So its little surprise every 2 bit, A-to-Z grade ‘star’ heads over to the land of the Rising Sun to make a quick couple of mill endorsing everything from chocolate to bloody fags.

Now in the past they used to be able to get away with selling their soul because no one on this side of the planet would ever see it.

To be honest, that was a good thing for them and their fans.

Good for them, because it meant they could pocket a tidy bunch without losing their cred. Good for the fans because there’s nothing more upsetting than seeing an actor you rate perform the sort of shit you’d expect to see at a cabaret guest house.

In Blackpool.

In February.

However that’s all over now thanks to the internet …

Well, I say all over … what I actually mean is that given actors are bigger whores than adfolk or, errrrm prostitutes … we’ll still see a steady procession of them heading over there to happily look twats for cash, however this time, the World won’t be left in the dark, we can all get together and share their humiliation.

And what humiliation it is.

A while back I was in Tokyo and I came across one of the shittest ads I have ever seen featuring none other than Woody Allen’s muse, Scarlett Johansson.

Yep, the woman who has cultivated an image of beauty, sophistication and elegance thanks to her movies and ambassador role for uber-chic brands like D&G, showed she’s not above dropping her [credibility] pants by lending her exquisite face to, errrrm coffee.

Oh but it gets worse. Oh yes it does.

Obviously the Starbucks rip off brand identified a new segment to tap into … which I can only assume is the sexual deviant … because after offering to blow another wad all over Scarlett’s face, she came back and did this …

Isn’t it amazing how they’ve managed to marry purity and sophistication with celebratory blowjob all in one piece of beautiful film. Seriously, I can’t wait for when she endorses the Japanese Horse Sausage company.

However as I said, it’s not just Scarlett who is at it – they all are – and who can blame them because they’re getting paid shitloads, so if you want to see souls literally being destroyed right in front of your eyes, you’d better head over to here where you can see the whole sorry lot of them in all their Japanese celebratory endorsement errrrrm, glory.

22 Comments so far
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“after offering to blow another wad all over Scarlett’s face, she came back”

That is top quality writing Rob. If that William Shakespeare wrote like that he’d still be in the NY top ten rather than doing script writing for Kenneth Branagh shit.

I’m going to be up all day if you know what I mean watching Scarlet sucking the cream out of the that coffee. She’s a naughty little minx and she knows it. This could be the greatest post you’ve ever written. I might even check out the link you’re peddling like some 2 bit crack pimp on 133rd.

Has Andy gone to alchofest?

Comment by Billy Whizz

With the Japanese economy struggling, maybe the glory paychecks for Western actors will be over. At least their credibility will be more secure even if their mortgage payments won’t be.

Very amusing post Robert and congratulations on the Japan expansion. You’re proving Charles and Maurice are still astute judges of charcter and opportunity.

Comment by Lee Hill

Seriously Billy, you should move from being an art director to copywriter because the way you fashioned your reply demonstrates such poise.

And yes, he’s gone to wankofest. With George. And Mary. [Auntie’s, not his]. They’ll be tears.

Comment by Rob

Obviously you’d like Lauren and I to work in your Tokyo office Rob?

Comment by Angus

Naturally – and it’s especially handy given you speak Japanese just like a local.

You do, don’t you?

Comment by Rob

Was this post meant for your new / potential clients in japan?

Comment by bhaskar

Oh, Congratulations on the expanssion.

Comment by bhaskar

Indeed I do Rob.

Comment by Angus

That site is brilliant. They should show some of the ads at the Oscars just before the winners are announced, help keep a sense of perspective on what they all actually do.

Well done on Japan but we all know the real reason you’ve opened there is so you can buy all the latest Japanese gadgets of madness. That’s not a criticism, I’m impressed how far your powers of influence stretch with your colleagues and partners. 🙂

Comment by Bazza

And especially your clients. 🙂

Comment by Bazza

I can’t go past the irony of Scarlett being a Japanese ad-whore knowing the plot of her breakthrough film “Lost In Translation”…

Anyways, congrats on the expansion, hope your trip goes well. Pls remember to pass on my pathetic desperation! hehe 😉

Comment by Age

Good point Age!

You can’t hide from us anymore film stars!!

Comment by Rob Mortimer

You’d presumably like to offer me a huge wad of cash to stay away from your Tokyo office?

Comment by John

so, when do i start?

Comment by lauren

When the company officially opens would be a good start, ha!

And Dodds – I won’t be offering you anything, but funnily enough the Japanese Government would like to – it’s an AVO.

Anyway, spare a thought for George and Andy … you don’t need to know why, but for once they deserve it, hahaha!

Comment by Rob

its a sad fucking day when this blog is more fun than cannes. but then its a sad fucking day when you bring your fucking wife with you. george.

just joking mary, now can i have a pass from the fucking countryside tour?

Comment by andy@cynic

Held & Lykke med den nye forretning.
Ønsker jer held & Lykke fremover 🙂

Comment by peggy

Though I’m not in motherland right now, youkoso(welcome) to Japan and congratulations on the new office. Would love to hear more about it.
Speaking of celebrity endorsements, do you remember the chocolate statue of David Beckham?


Comment by naoko

Oy. Bastard 😉

Why am I top of Google’s ranking for opinionated sod? You and those Google boys are tweaking the system aren’t you?

Now then, why don’t you send me to Tokyo and save yourself and the planet some carbon big foot prints. You know the metropolis will be talking about me from day one. It’s free marketing.

Comment by Charles

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