But it could absolutely be me.
Fortunately, it’s not me today.
I think.
I hope.
Happy weekend.
Filed under: Advertising, Attitude & Aptitude, Authenticity, Business, Comment, Creativity, Cunning, Death, Devious Strategy, Management, Marketing, Purpose
The industry likes to talk a lot about purpose.
The supposedly unwavering commitment to its higher purpose, even if it only turns up in marketing.
It likes to talk about agility.
The ability for a company to change focus to maximise opportunities even, if often it’s done to hide a lack of strategy.
And let’s not forget pivoting.
The ability to shift from one area of expertise to another, even if the reality is its because you need to survive rather than you are forward thinking.
Now of course, there are some companies who have purpose, agility and an ability to pivot without using it as an excuse to hide their shortcomings. Companies who have embodied and expressed all these traits, often before it became another marketing or business buzzword.
Or – in the case of pivoting – there are some companies who openly admit why they did it. That if they didn’t, they wouldn’t exist any longer. Netflix for example.
But there’s some organisations who see the writing on the wall, but ‘pivot’ to such an extent that they literally show themselves for the lying, cheating, manipulative organization they have always been.
The best example of this I’ve possibly ever seen is cancer champion – Philip Morris.
You see the tobacco company has decided that their core cash cow doesn’t have the same profitable future as it once did so have decided – to loud fanfare – to pivot.
“What to?” I hear you ask?
Hold on to your hats, because it’s a Health and Wellness company.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
No, that’s not a joke … well, it is, but they don’t mean it to be.
Yep, Phillip Morris – owners of brands including Marlboro are supposedly pivoting to a health and wellness company.
It’s the equivalent of the Trump Organisation becoming an international aid charity.
Or kids TV show, Playschool pivoting to a rival of Pornhub.
How can they say this with a straight face?
They’re even lobbying for a ban on cigarettes within 10 years.
This is worse than poacher turned keeper.
This is an attempt for death to turn doctor … conveniently ignoring all the shameful acts they undertook – and still undertake – to keep their tobacco business killing its customers.
Look I get they have to continue making money.
I get a lot of ‘health and wellness’ companies are as questionable as a cigarette company.
But come on …
Apart from their bullshit being utterly transparent and sickening … what about all the scientists and doctors they paid off, bullied and sued to keep their kill sticks in market.
Do they think they’re just going to nod and think, “hey, we won?”
Will there be a follow up to the Michael Mann movie, The Insider … where Russell Crowe spends 2 hours saying, “I was wrong, Philip Morris are lovely guys really and I forgive them for trying to crush and threaten my life.”
And that’s before we get to the scientists and doctors who work for Philip Morris who must be wondering how a company committed to tobacco can just expect them to change their focus to fixing the illnesses they helped cause in the first place.
But do you know what the sickest part of it all is?
The markets won’t care.
They won’t cast doubt or suspicion.
As long as they make money they will support them.
They’ll call them a poster child for ‘purpose’ and ‘wellbeing’.
It will see the CEO, Jacek Olczak, celebrated and revered by the business press.
It will see him earn millions from bonuses, consultancy and speaker engagements.
We’ll watch holding company CEO’s jostle for position.
We’ll see even more agencies pitching for their business.
We’ll read fawning editorial about their shift in industry magazines.
We’ll hear strategists talk about them as proof of the power of pivoting.
And it will make me hate even more people for the willingness to support hypocrisy for profit.
Philip Morris. You can say you are a health and wellness company, but we all know the only health and wellness you have ever cared about is your own bank balance.
Just over a year or so ago, a mate of mine – AG – told me about an invention he was making for the iWatch.
When he told me what it was – an iWatch holder/magnifying glass that doubled as a bedside clock – I admit I laughed. Not that it was a bad idea [though I wasn’t sure if it was a good one either] but that he had grandiosely called it an ‘invention’.
What a dick I was.
Apart from the fact he was making something that didn’t exist before, he was really passionate about it and deserved more of my support than any of my laughter.
Well he got his own back …
Zoom forward to now and the Nightwatch sits on my bedside table.
Sure it doesn’t have wifi or make you a cup of coffee in the morning, but it does charge your iWatch while turning it into a beside clock thanks to the brilliant way he’s manufactured the product to act as a screen magnifying glass.
Hell, it even turns the phone on automatically if you tap the top of the ‘clock’.
While I still find the word ‘invention’ rather amusing, the reality is there wasn’t another product like it till he made his, which mean it’s not only an invention – but more than anything I can ever lay claim to creating, bar ads and some terrible guitar solos on terrible 80/90 popstar songs.
So this post is a public apology and product recommendation all in one.
AG, it’s great and I hope you sell a bucketload of them.
You deserve to.
If you want one – you can get it here.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Advertising, Agency Culture, Attitude & Aptitude, Comment
A couple of weeks ago, I showed a photo to a colleague.
It was me, back when I just started working.
I was 19.
Had hair. And
was pretty fit and healthy.
They didn’t recognise me.
At. All.
Now, I appreciate a gap of 30+ years between photos would make anyone hard to recognise, but it still made me laugh how much they refused to accept it was me.
Then I saw this photo of Brendan Fraser.
After laughing at it – by which, I mean laughing at the writing that referenced the photos rather than the photos specifically – I wondered how much of my ancientness was down to my career.
Maybe some.
Maybe a lot.
Let’s be honest I – like everyone else in the industry – has definitely worked ridiculous hours.
Super ridiculous hours.
But then I realised that despite having a face like a dropped pie, I was fortunate … because [1] I was never as pretty as Mr Fraser so however I end up, I would never cause as much comment as he probably – and unfairly – gets and [2] thanks to never drinking, smoking or doing drugs – I have saved myself from looking ever worse than I do now.
That said, I don’t know why anti-aging cream brands don’t just prove their worth on anyone who has worked in adland for 5+ years. Their effectiveness would be undeniable.
Oh … that’s why they don’t.
And as depressing as this may all sound, there is another silver lining.
Because you know something all those beautiful, young, talented, creative bastards you work with seem to not realise.
It’s coming to them.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Advertising, Attitude & Aptitude, Colenso, Comment, Embarrassing Moments, Money, Planners Making A Complete Tit Of Themselves And Bless
I know … I know … how stupid is that?
But believe it or not, that wasn’t the end of the tragic day.
It started badly when I booked an external room so the team could work on a project in peace only to discover the room was on top of a generator and it shook the whole place like we were on a boat for the entire time we were there.
Then, after the ‘cash gate’ incident [which the bank then charged me a further fee for as that account went wildly overdrawn, though – thankfully – Henry did pay me back] … I was going home and stopped at a traffic light when I looked to my left only to see a Police Car, with a policeman looking at me smiling.
“And why was he smiling?” I hear you ask.
Was it the beauty of my car?
No.
Was it the beauty of me?
Errrrm, no.
Was it because he was just being a friendly cop?
Well, he was, but no.
It was actually because I had picked up my phone to check an address and so – as soon as the lights went green – his lights went red and blue and I got stopped and fined.
Once upon a time there was a band called The Weather Girls who sang It’s Raining Men.
Well this day, it rained shit.
That said, I’ve had way worse days of shitty rain. Ha.
Let’s hope this isn’t an omen for the rest of the week.