The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Our Purpose Is To Kill You …


Yes, I’m back.

And yes, we’re in our new home.

Hell, we’ve almost totally unpacked.

Emphasis on ‘almost’.

We’ve also had more conversations with the people in the village in the last few days than we had with everyone in London, combined.

Friendly is very weird.

I remember when we lived in LA, the neighbours came and brought us ‘welcoming gifts’.

That freaked me out big time.

Fortunately England doesn’t allow for that level of intimacy, so we just had to make do with polite and interested conversation.

Anyway, I want to start the week with a post about this …

That, ladies and gentlemen, is Kraft/Heinz new product push.

Mac and cheese for breakfast.


Their rationale for it is apparently that they found 56% of busy parents serve their kids Mac & Cheese for breakfast.

Now I appreciate I don’t know all the facts, but I’m calling bullshit on this.

Part of that is because I am pretty sure cereal and milk or toast is faster than making Mac & Cheese. The other part is that 56% figure lacks any context … in terms of the number of ‘busy parents’ that were asked and where.

David Lin, a friend of mine, suggested the marketing meeting went something like this:

“We can drive growth by building more occasions … we need to own breakfast”

Given the share price collapse of Heinz in recent years, I think he is bang on.

But there’s something else this news highlights.

This Kraft/Heinz brand purpose reads as this …

As a global food company, the Kraft Heinz Company’s ambition is to help end hunger worldwide.

Unless they believe the best way to achieve their purpose is to kill people with obesity, then it suggests here’s another example where brand purpose is utter shit … designed to make the board feel better about what they do without actually having to do it.

Or said another way, Martin was right. As usual.

28 Comments so far
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How was the move? From the pictures I’ve seen, the house is incredible. And you have a massive hot-tub. Ridiculous. Almost as ridiculous as Heinz thinking breakfast mac and cheese represents anything other than a desire to make more profit from unhealthy families. Good to have you back Robert.

Comment by George

You want some don’t you?

Comment by Bazza

I do.

Comment by Pete

Why would anyone have a hot tub in England? Assume Rob’s has wifi or he’s dead to me.

Comment by Bazza

Surely that is a given. No?

Comment by Pete

Well we didn’t buy it … it came with the house, though we did ask for it to be included with the house, hahahaha.

And it’s a 7-seater. I don’t have 6 other people I would want to share a bath with. I even question whether I want to with Jill and Otis, hahaha.

No idea if it has wifi, I should have asked that before negotiating it into the house sale. Amateur mistake.

Comment by Rob


Comment by Pete

Is it the only hot-tub in the village?

Comment by John

because its the only warmth brits get for 356 days of the fucking year. twat.

Comment by andy@cynic

campbell will be the only fucker in the village when hes ruined the fucking house prices of everywhere.

Comment by andy@cynic

Move is going well. Still a bunch to do, but we have wifi, the TV’s are up and Otis’ room is sorted – which is pretty amazing given we only moved in last Wednesday.

Comment by Rob

The only purpose a brand has is to make money. How they make it is their strategy. It is not their purpose.

Comment by Bazza

This is an extraordinarily mature comment from you. All OK?

Comment by George

+ 1.

Comment by Pete

It is … it’s also a very good one, especially as the legal requirement for a publically listed company is to work in the interests of the shareholder. That’s a legal requirement … which means all those organisations claiming they are driven by purpose are either lying to their shareholders or to themselves.

Probably a combination of both.

Comment by Rob

Just a reminder to the adfolk that brands aren’t sentient.

A company’s purpose is to make money, its strategy is how it does that by meeting user needs better than anyone else and brand is an internal organisational label that’s been externalised – often to good effect as a distinctive differentiation, but sometimes to bad effect when it rather than the customer becomes the centre of the universe.

Comment by John

Jesus … hahahaha.

Bazza, as someone who has not been in adland for decades, let this be a lesson to you.

Comment by Rob

I know Bazza escaped your grasp long ago. I was not directing the comment at him.

Comment by John

You should.

Comment by DH

Owning an occasion is at least more focused than owning a color, which is something I’ve heard clients express in the past. But even the worst parent knows a daily breakfast of Mac & Cheese isn’t going to work, but then based on Heinz recent business strategy, knowing what works isn’t what Heinz does.

Comment by Pete

Hahahaha … well they still ‘own’ ketchup and beans, [And in the US, mac and cheese] … which says more about societies love of condiments and easy eating than their strategic prowess.

Which suggests their ‘occasion based’ strategy is not their best move. But hey, as they say … every failure is a learning opportunity. Ha.

Comment by Rob

That’s your LA experience talking. Or your sarcasm.

Comment by Bazza

I know which one I’d be betting on.

Comment by George

kraft are pushing their shit on people more than billy does on a date. both are fucked, but only one charges money for the fucking privilege.

Comment by andy@cynic

I thought Trump summed up everything wrong with America. I was wrong, it’s this.

Good post Rob. Glad the house move went well. I’m not jealous at all.

Comment by DH

i hope trump eats mac and cheese for breakfast. i hope the shit gives him a fucking heart attack and it kills him, only fair, for the way hes killing america. orange prick.

Comment by andy@cynic

Hi, Rob! I saw the image of your article and I thought it was a meme, but it was a real campaign!!! Unbelievable…

Always its a pleasure to read you.

Rodrigo from Perú.

Comment by Rodrigo Castro Sanchez

Peru!!! You appeal to people in Peru? 2020 is the worst year ever. 💯

Comment by Bazza

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