So as any poor, regular reader on here knows, I’ve been getting emails from APAC Insider magazine saying that Cynic was in the running for a Business Excellence Award in Australia.
Now while this is flattering, you’ll also know that Cynic legally closed their doors in 2010 so APAC Insider are basically a bunch of con-merchants.
Well, now I have unequivocal proof of it because – as I suspected we would – we won.
Yep, Cynic – a company that has not been in legal existence for SEVEN YEARS – has won a Business Excellence Award.
Now they may claim our excellence is in the fact we sold the company, but frankly, this would have been more believable if they’d not left a 7 year gap before bestowing us with their award.
But that’s all by-the-by because I know what you want to know what we won.
Is it a massive trophy?
Is it a huge cheque?
Is it a staring role at a lavish ceremony?
No, it’s this …
That’s right, our ‘prize’ is the chance to get a discount to advertise in their magazine.
A magazine that gives out prizes to companies that don’t exist anymore.
A magazine no one has heard of.
Oh hang on, they also give you a ‘digital certificate’ that you can put on your website. Oh that’s alright then … I mean, who wouldn’t want to advertise a bullshit magazine’s award on their website that basically say’s We’re a bunch of gullible fools.
I hate this company … I hate what they are trying to do to small business.
Sure, the small companies might have some blame to share if they do it, but as I wrote a while ago, when you’re just starting out, you are so desperate to feel you are moving forwards, you tend to grasp onto anything that feels like a positive step.
That’s what those fucks at APAC Insider magazine are exploiting and managing to get away with it.
So when I lived in Australia, I worked with this guy called John.
I really liked him … he was smart, fun and an all round good chap.
Only thing was he really, really hated all things British.
Oh the banter we had.
In the end, we played a weekly game of pool and if I won overall, he had to fold up the Australian flag to just leave the Union Jack [ie: “get your shit stars off our flag”] and if he won, I had to salute it.
We did this for years and even though my ‘crowning moment’ was when England beat the Wallabies at the 2003 Rugby World Cup final [oh, how I loved wearing my England top the next day], he never missed a chance to piss on his countries Queen.
So imagine my joy when after 10+ years, he got in contact with me to say his niece was coming to Shanghai for a law firm and would I mind giving him my details so she has someone to contact if she gets in trouble.
To be fair to him, it absolutely killed him having to ask me … but he knew no one else and was forced to reach out.
Being the kind, generous soul that I am, I obviously agreed.
With just one condition.
This.
On Facebook.
Left for 15 minutes.
And the moral of the story?
Don’t fuck with petty half English assholes, with a memory for revenge.
Talking of elephants and revenge, here’s one of my all time favourite ads …
Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Attitude & Aptitude, Australia, Comment, Corporate Evil, Customer Service, Marketing Fail
So as any poor, regular reader on here knows, I’ve been getting emails from APAC Insider magazine saying that Cynic was in the running for a Business Excellence Award in Australia.
Now while this is flattering, you’ll also know that Cynic legally closed their doors in 2010 so APAC Insider are basically a bunch of con-merchants.
Well, now I have unequivocal proof of it because – as I suspected we would – we won.
Yep, Cynic – a company that has not been in legal existence for SEVEN YEARS – has won a Business Excellence Award.
Now they may claim our excellence is in the fact we sold the company, but frankly, this would have been more believable if they’d not left a 7 year gap before bestowing us with their award.
But that’s all by-the-by because I know what you want to know what we won.
Is it a massive trophy?
Is it a huge cheque?
Is it a staring role at a lavish ceremony?
No, it’s this …
That’s right, our ‘prize’ is the chance to get a discount to advertise in their magazine.
A magazine that gives out prizes to companies that don’t exist anymore.
A magazine no one has heard of.
Oh hang on, they also give you a ‘digital certificate’ that you can put on your website. Oh that’s alright then … I mean, who wouldn’t want to advertise a bullshit magazine’s award on their website that basically say’s We’re a bunch of gullible fools.
I hate this company … I hate what they are trying to do to small business.
Sure, the small companies might have some blame to share if they do it, but as I wrote a while ago, when you’re just starting out, you are so desperate to feel you are moving forwards, you tend to grasp onto anything that feels like a positive step.
That’s what those fucks at APAC Insider magazine are exploiting and managing to get away with it.
But there is some good news because last week I received an email from them expressing their interest in being nominated for the International Magazine Publishers ‘Promotion of the Year’, so maybe they’ll be learning their lesson more quickly than we all hoped.
And I’ll be there applauding them when they get their moment in the spotlight.