The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

There’s Pretentious. And Then There’s This …

Watch this.

Watch it all the way through.

And if you can genuinely guess who it’s for before the end – or even which category – then you are either an absolutely twisted bastard or … nope, just a twisted bastard.

Did you?

If you didn’t, go back and do it.


Seriously, what the fucking fuck eh?

I mean, maybe it could be a contrived bank ad.

Or some bullshit life insurance company.

But Subway.


That said, I do admire how they identified and expressed so many of the little things young boys do as they grow up.

Not necessarily the perv stuff, but definitely the hygienically questionable.

Which is appropriate, given this 2016 piece from Brazil, is definitely questionable.

I can’t help but feel the people behind this, should have studied this chart before they went off and made this piece of insanity.

Seriously, this is the sort of stuff that gives advertising people a bad name.

That we’re out of touch and out of our minds.

And not in a good way.

Thank god we have Uncommon’s brilliant B&Q work to remind people we can be good. We can be really, really good.

Or how people of a certain age react to having a £1 Viennetta after 25 years.

But my god, this Subway ‘thing’ is bad.

Like destroy-the-industry bad.

And while I appreciate different cultures have different ways of communicating. And brands can be seen very differently by different cultures … this is Subway.

The 6″/Foot long sandwich makers.

There’s no place in the World where they are considered servants to humanities quest for progress and understanding. Though I must admit I would love to shake the hand of whoever sold this Subway idea to the client – as well as the client who approved it.

Not because I want to congratulate them on pulling off something so stupid, but because I want to wish them luck trying to get their next job.

18 Comments so far
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I’m violated.

Comment by Pete

I wonder if this went into testing? Or maybe the shock ending was interpreted by the agency as their ‘Sixth Sense’ moment. They were partially right, I wanted to see dead people after wasting 2 minutes of my life on it.

Comment by George

That couldn’t have gone through testing. And maybe – for the first time in my life – I wish it had.

Comment by Rob


Comment by andy@cynic

I will never eat subway again. I’m so offended.

Comment by Pete

That’s strange because I want one.

Comment by Bazza

Imagine how bad this must have been for the director. Spending so long trying to craft the ad version of Boyhood only to know all their hard work would be remembered as the most stupid subway ad of all time.

Comment by Bazza

As a film, it is beautifully shot and well observed. But it’s not a film, it’s an ad and so I doubt anyone would watch it all the way through. I was convinced it was going to be for a bank. I would have preferred if it was. Anything but subway.

Comment by George

Yep … but even as a bank ad it would be preposterous and pretentious. As you said, the film is nicely shot and I think it has captured some really authentic moments in a kids/boys adolescence … but the main reason it doesn’t work as an ad – especially for Subway – is that it’s a remake of a film with a logo banged on the end.

Though someone did say that if the line was ‘Life is how you choose to build it’ … it would at least have been a better bow for the pretentiousness of it all … and I’m inclined to agree.

Comment by Rob

take subway off and its a good idea stretched into 2 minutes of fucking boredom. then remember its a direct fucking steal from boyhood and kill everyone who was a part of it.

Comment by andy@cynic

Your post says everything that needs to be said. When you compare this to the B&Q spot you mention, the difference between empty plagiarism and insightful creativity becomes even more evident.

Comment by George

Well put George.

Comment by Lee Hill

My goodness.

Comment by Lee Hill

He cut his hair off for her? That’s when they should have brought in subway. A footlong would help him get over that bitch.

Comment by Billy Whizz

the dr phil of fucked up relationship management,

Comment by andy@cynic

But it’s a good comment.

Comment by DH

People don’t watch long copy.

Comment by John

No. That can’t be real.

Comment by DH

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