The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

You Can Tell How Much The Finance Industry Thinks Of Us By The Products They Try To Sell To Us …

OK, I know banking is an easy target but – as anyone who has read this blog over the years will know – I am more than happy to throw darts at them.

Recently I came across this gem from Nutmeg … one of those financial institutions who give themselves a cool name so they can pretend they’re ‘down with the people’ when everything they say and do demonstrates the opposite.

Have a look at this …

Apart from the fact that they say nothing about what they do or how they do it – because, let’s face it, compound interest is hardly a unique offering – I’m just surprised they are saying that if you leave £20,000 for 40 years you’ll get over £140,000 at the end of it.

First of all, £20,000 is a lot of money.

Secondly, putting £20,000 away that you’ll never touch is an amazingly big ask.

Thirdly – and I don’t want to sound a dick – but I don’t know if £140,000+ sounds that much after a wait of 40 years.

Sure, I wouldn’t say no to it and I appreciate it represents a huge growth on your initial investment, but after removing the £20,000 you put in at the beginning, that works out to be a return of £3,000 a year.

OK, that’s not bad, but it’s certainly not enough to live off and certainly not the ‘most powerful force in the Universe’ that Einstein supposedly said.

And let’s not forget that little bit of copy at the top of the ad that say’s ‘Capital at risk. Forecasts are not a reliable indicator of future performance’.

Yes, they really are saying that everything they’ve just said could be a load of bollocks.

Imagine what else you could do with that strategy …

“Eat chips 10 times a day and could be beating admirers off with a shitty stick*”

[* Your health is at risk. Forecasts are not a reliable indicator of future performance]

Or what about this …

“Buy this skin care and you will look 30 years younger*”

[* Your self esteem is at risk. Forecasts are not a reliable indicator of future performance]

Why hasn’t someone thought of using this cross-category before???

But getting back to Nutmeg … my question is who is this ad aimed for?

Is it for people who are worried about their future and will put all their life savings away to get £140,000 in forty years time – ignoring the fact, that in 40 years time, £140,000 will be worth around £2.77 in todays money?

Or is it aimed at the wealthy … who can afford the investment, but probably expect even higher returns?

Honestly I’m not sure, but one thing I am certain of is that a financial organisation who doesn’t tell me why I should choose them over every other financial institution that also claims if I give them my money for 40 years, they’ll [hopefully] give me more back – but no guarantees – doesn’t stand much chance of getting any of my money.

22 Comments so far
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are you just spending your fucking life in tube stations? every fucking post is about a shit ad in a shit station.

and why are you whining about a bank ad? what did you expect, theyre the shit feeders of the lowest form of shit. this is even better than most of their bollocks. they dont say a word about themselves which is amazing for an industry that makes adlands self importance ego look like fucking amateur hour.

Comment by andy@cynic

and yes im still up but your post will help me finally get to fucking sleep.

Comment by andy@cynic

I am so happy to help. I’m basically a doctor.

Comment by Rob

I think Andy sees you as a proctologist.

Comment by John

more like the ass illness the proctologist has to fucking sort out.

Comment by andy@cynic

When companies confuse information with advertising.

Comment by Pete

This feels the people who send you a meme that everyone saw months ago but they think they were the first to find it.

Comment by Pete

You mean Andy?

Comment by Bazza

The very thin line between brave and stupidity.

Comment by George

Theoretical obviousness, or they wouldn’t need the disclaimer.

Comment by Rob

Andy. Did you read what Baz was accusing you of?

Comment by DH

yes. but reacting to that is like reacting to some fuckers wet fart.

Comment by andy@cynic

Your posts are so much more enjoyable when you’re pissy.

Comment by Bazza

I’m pissy when I’m happy and I’m happy.

Comment by Rob

this makes me fucking sick.

Comment by andy@cynic


Comment by DH

It is interesting that the return they say “may” happen is actually good but it doesn’t make you immediately feel that way. I know we are in privileged positions but 40 years is a very long time to wait for an amount of money that may have little purchasing power by 2059.

Comment by George

I know …

When I wrote the post I kind of hated myself a little for just that reason but maybe you have highlighted why. Who knows what £140k+ will be worth in 2059 … the way the UK economy is going with the Brexit situation means it could be worth the equivalent of 4 pence or a million pounds. My bets are on the 4 pence, obviously.

Comment by Rob

Sounds good, but if you have that kind of money to salt away for such a pisspoor return in 40 years would probably be more willing to invest it in other directions. Like, in the mattress.

And in 40 years leaves out anyone, say, over the age of 30 or 40, when you think about it. By tge time you recoup your windfall you won’t much care. I’m curious, (since I can’t read the fine print on that thing) is this a fixed interest rate, or does i t fluctuate with the regular bank rates?

In the US, at least, our bank rates have ranged from 7% in the 80s and 90s to now, where we can pull in a whopping .05% and banks have basically become a place to store your money.

Comment by judyt54

Judy FTW.

Comment by DH

I saw on twitter the other day a small house near London which had risen in value by 250 pounds a DAY for the last 20 years.
(Usually this is where a baby boomer talks about how people these days don’t know how to save, whilst also not getting the ridiculous difference in circumstances)
Sadly for anyone younger than 40, the return on this ad is probably as good as we’ll get.

Comment by Rob (Other one)

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