Filed under: Advertising [Planning] School On The Web
The feedback is [finally] all in. I’ll be writing it up and you’ll have it next friday.
Huge apologies for the delay and hopefully the constructive feedback will make it all worth it.
Emphasis on ‘hopefully’.
In the meantime, read some research on what people get up to on pornsites, which for clarity, is not the reason the judges feedback was so late.
Don’t worry, I’m not suggesting I tell you about my sex life.
And to be honest, I’m probably not that interested in yours.
However Pornhub recently released data about the people using their site and it’s utterly fascinating.
From how Millennial’s suddenly stick with one thing longer than 2 minutes [9 minutes 10 seconds to be precise] to how ‘long nipples’ have lost their popularity.
No, I’m really not making this up.
The thing is – as I’ve said many times before – the best research is always about what people really do rather than what they say they do in the focus group environment and while this doesn’t always tell us ‘why’ they’re doing it, in the case of Pornhub, it’s not too hard to work out.
So turn your phone off, brew a nice cup of coffee, tell everyone you’re going to be in meetings the whole day, then find a quiet room and enjoy getting an insight on what actually is going on behind closed doors. I swear you will never look at your colleagues the same way again. Let alone want to shake their hand.
Filed under: Comment
It was Christmas 1978 and I went to my Grandma’s for tea.
I was looking forward to it because I knew two of my favourite cousins were going to be there.
After going through the rigmarole of thanking all my Uncles and Aunts for whatever 2-bit present they had given me, I walked into the lounge and was came face-to-face with the future.
It was all bright colours and distinctive sounds.
What am I talking about?
This:
That is a Philips G7000 video game system.
Yes, I know it looks a bit shit and yes, I know the games were blocky and a bit shit, but in 1978, this was space age technology and my cousins owned it.
Of course, home video game systems weren’t entirely new – we had had ‘pong’ for a few years [albeit in black and white] and the infamous Atari 2600 had been launched a few months earlier – but this was the first time I had come face-to-face with one of these modern machines and immediately, I vowed I had to make one of them mine.
It was hard work.
My parents weren’t too keen on the idea and they certainly didn’t have the money to drop an enormous £100+ on one of them … so over the course of 12 months, I slowly – but surely – built up a case for purchase.
I am sorry to admit that some of the rationale may have stretched the truth somewhat.
There is a possibility that I may have mentioned that because the G7000 had an alpha/numeric keyboard, I would be able to do school work on it … which was blatant bollocks.
However this strategy worked because for Christmas 1979, I was the proud owner of a G7000 game system with 3 games. THREE.
One was a double pack featuring Air/Sea War and Tank Battle and the other was the epic Cosmic Conflict.
Oh how I loved those games.
Yes, with hindsight, they were repetitive and monotonous, but when you are a 9 year old kid in Nottingham, these games allowed me to instantly transform into the captain of a plane/submarine/tank/space ship.
Fucking amazing.
Now despite all the cool kids getting an Atari 2600 and only one shop in the city – the Greater Nottingham Co-op – selling games, I loved my G7000.
Admittedly it helped my best mate Paul also got one so we could swap games, but I was a fan.
The reason I say all this is because when I was clearing Mum’s house, I came across this:
Yes, I was an official member of the G7000 fan club.
Jesus. I had no shame.
Or taste.
Or friends.
Despite Philips starting to produce games that were so shit, they would give the infamous Atari ET game a decent run for its money … I still remember marching into John Lewis in Victoria Centre, walking up to poor salesman in the TV department and then – having flashed him my membership card like I was a member of the FBI – demanding to know why they didn’t sell G7000 games.
I can’t recall his answer [it was probably “because they’re shit”] but I do remember he was kind to me, which is more than I deserved nor – based on these ads for the US version of the console – did the G7000.
I also remember writing to Philips with a game idea that I was convinced was going to be a million seller.
If memory serves me correctly, it was basically a game where you had to navigate a wedding car through traffic to get the bride to the church in time for her wedding.
It was called – unsurprisingly – ‘Get Her To The Church’ and I even helpfully included a picture of how it could look, carefully drawn out with felt-tip pens and a ruler.
I remember how thrilled I was to get a reply from them, thanking me for my idea.
God I felt good. I felt like I was doing my bit for the game system that I loved.
Of course, eventually, the G7000 succumbed to the fact that it was a bit of a shitty system [though I am absolutely certain that had they made my game, they’d be up there with Xbox and Playstation today. Oh yes] … and while I went on to own pretty much every other games system that was built – from the Atari 2600 to the Atari Jaguar and everything inbetween – not one of them meant so much to me that I went out and joined their fan club, let alone kept the membership card and badge for over 30 years.
Mind you, given I support Nottingham Forest, that probably means they’re not exactly devastated by that fact.
Filed under: Crap Campaigns In History, Crap Marketing Ideas From History!, Crap Products In History
First it was the man your man could smell like.
That was good. Funny. Interesting.
Then we had that pretentious Gerard “You can see it in my deeds” Butler bollocks.
Which was not good. But funny. In a fucked-up kind-of way.
Then things took a very freaky turn with the ancient, ex-guitarist of Judas Priest deciding to become a fragrance mogul by launching ‘Metal’ … the first scent designed exclusively for lovers of Rock Music.
No seriously, I’m not making this up.
But now … just when you thought it couldn’t get any more twisted, you have this:
Yes … you can now buy a fragrance that features a b-grade, fake, royal insignia because the creator is a delusional fuckwit, that lets you smell – and feel – like this:
And you thought it was mad when Mont Blanc invited you to smell like a pen.
With so many mobile devices telling the time, it’s no surprise that watch sales have been hit.
Well, the cheap to mid-range watches.
The high end – anything from US$2500+ – have been, in the main, doing quite well as they have evolved from time-keeping device, to item of jewellery and status.
OK, they’ve always been that, but with so many so many other symbols of status and wealth – like fashion or technology or cars – now being within the reach of many … expensive watches have become more desirable as people try to ‘differentiate themselves’ from everyone else who is trying to project an image that is neither true or affordable.
Ahem.
I think I wrote ages ago how I met a furniture designer in Miami who said IKEA had made the uber-wealthy embrace bad taste because, in their quest to separate themselves from ‘the common herd’, they were buying more outlandish furniture in a bid to look different from the semi-tasteful homes that IKEA now enabled most people to enjoy … something that was once the domain of only the wealthy and stylish.
That’s certainly seems to be the case with watches as they not only get bigger than a sundial, but look fucking horrendous in a bid to ensure people see it on the owners wrist. Something that is not difficult to achieve given it looks like you have a satellite dish attached to your arm.
Anyway, I digress.
The reason for this is because I recently saw this ad in an American men’s magazine:
Yes … it’s a poncy looking watch but get this, instead of costing US$1,095, they were letting you have it for only US$179.
WOW … that’s over an 80% discount.
EIGHTY PERCENT.
How on earth do they do that?
Maybe because it was only that price for 12 seconds … just long enough to be able to justify that claim in an ad.
“But Rob, it say’s it has real diamonds in it?” I hear you cry.
Yes … no doubt industrial diamonds, worth about 0.0001 of a cent.
My favourite bit is that in the details, they say the strap is ‘solid stainless steel’ and ’18 carat yellow gold’.
Which one folks?
Or maybe – probably – do you mean it’s stainless steel made to look like 18 carat gold?
The bad news for the people behind this ad is that it screams ‘SCAM’ even though it’s trying so, so, so, so hard to project an image of suave sophistication.
Seriously, I feel so sorry for anyone who falls for it … they think they’ll be seen as something awesome, but really they’ll be seen as a cheap tool with delusions of grandeur. Similar – but totally different – to those pricks who spend $20,000 on the iWatch in rose gold.
WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY THINKING? [Sorry Baz]
While I mocked an ad that was trying to sell a similar bullshit watch ages ago, at least they had the good grace to admit it was a watch designed to fool others … but this one is trying to take itself so seriously, which all goes to show, if it’s too good to be true, it probably isn’t.