The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Devil In The Details …

I appreciate me – and this blog – being back, constitutes the worst Monday ever, but deal with it.

Hong Kong was as it always is … busy, noisy, energetic, proud, flamboyant.

Fuck I miss Asia.

Well, I miss lots about Asia, but one of the things I don’t is the bullshit bank advertising.

Where every company tries to convey how prestigious they are and – as a byproduct – how aspirational their customers are, even though what they show is the sort of tacky success you tend to see in a z-grade reality show contestants house.

Case in point this stuff from UOB Bank.

Introducing Singapore’s first diamond embellished, metal card.

No, seriously.

What a load of bollocks.

But what does ‘diamond embellished’ even mean?

Is it that minute square in the card … to the right of the chip?

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, I think it is, because nothing says success like having a credit card with some cheap ass specks of diamond that even Ratners jewelers would turn their noses up at.

But it gets better …

By ‘better’, I obviously mean worse.

Because not only have they launched a credit card for the most insanely idiotic and egotistical customer on the planet – or at least Singapore – they’ve shown their true tacky colours by making one of the worst copy mistakes I’ve seen in ages to accompany the cards launch.

“For those who value exclusivity in its most extinguished form”.



I love it, because nothing says class and sophistication like a lack of basic language skills.

Now while I’d love to extinguish the people who came up with this card and who want this card, I think leaving things exactly as they are is a much better solution … because not only does it make the people at the bank look the sad, shallow, idiotic wankers they are, it also ensures anyone who pulls this card out looks the sort of pathetic, egotistical, insecure and unsophisticated asshole they truly are.

That’s what I call a WIN:WIN in my book.

I will always love and miss Asia with all my heart, but I will always hate the lazy, contrived, aspirational bullshit that the marketing departments of so many companies continue to peddle.

20 Comments so far
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Smart move to return blogging with a post about bank wankers. Conflicts the reader with who they hate more.

Comment by DH

finally campbell proves hes a semi smart planner.

Comment by andy@cynic

I had to pull it off eventually. Even if it is due more to luck than judgement.

Comment by Rob

total fucking luck.

Comment by andy@cynic

You’ll be shocked to know I hate the bank more than you. It was a tough call but you brought their stupidity to my attention which won you the most valuable point of your life.

Comment by DH

you are fucking dead to me.

Comment by andy@cynic

I assumed I already was.

Comment by DH

yes, but youre like a fucking zombie so theres always room for more death.

Comment by andy@cynic

I have a very special rant all saved up for loyalty cards. Good morning, afternoon and evening.

Comment by Marcus

go for it marcus, i need something to save me from this fucking nightmare.

Comment by andy@cynic

Oh please Marcus, I would love it … I have a feeling it will be more about how they minimise loyalty, especially when every bloody company offers them and so you end up being worthless. Maybe.

Comment by Rob

Welcome back Robert. How was being back in your beloved Asia?
Maybe someone should tell UOB bank that it’s 2018, not 2008. Or maybe this is the final proof that the banks don’t learn or care to learn about the messes they helped create in the past. I’m disproportionately happy about their grammatical error. Thank you for making my Monday start off with a smile.

Comment by George

I’m all about making you smile George.
Except when we worked together apparently.

Comment by Rob

black monday 2.0. darker and more fucking damaging.

Comment by andy@cynic

“nothing says class and sophistication like a lack of basic language skills.”

Good to have you back.

Comment by John


Comment by DH

That’s funny, that’s what someone basically said about me last week too.

Comment by Rob

They describe the credit card as “diamond embellished”, which at least demonstrates they understand they’re selling style over substance.

Comment by Lee Hill

I am assuming it was an inside job. Would never have been allowed out of an agency.

Comment by Justin White

Effing classic!!

Comment by Chikashi

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