At 5pm tonight, Shanghai time, Nick Finney – one of our wonderful and talented creatives – will be getting a perm.
Not just any perm, but a 2 minute noodle/poodlesque type perm.
He’s not doing it because he has no taste.
He’s not doing it because he has a desire to look like Brian May.
He’s doing it because I talked him into it.
OK, so I am paying for it to get done, but it’s still amazing.
I genuinely believe it may be one of the best things I’ve ever done.
I’ve actually already written it in my resume. I’m not even joking.
So wherever you are, please spare a thought for Nick … because today is the day that he walks away from ever getting laid again.
I love technology.
Love it.
I grew up with it.
I’ve worked in it.
I own lots of it.
Technology has enhanced lives, changed lives and developed lives.
It’s amazing.
But there’s a point where I fear it crosses the line between being your servant and being your master.
If you ask Jill, she would say I have been a slave to my iPhone for years, but we’re not asking Jill are we.
The reason for this post is that I read that IBM’s super-computer, Watson, has developed a ‘tone analyser’ for emails and letters.
Now I get how important clarity of communication is.
I also get that tone can sometimes get clouded in written form … meaning people can have their words misinterpreted.
I also get that we can all improve our skills in someway.
But when a computer dictates ‘what is and what isn’t appropriate’, I start to get nervous.
Who set the rules it will enforce?
Why does business view personality as dangerous?
How come IBM have decided everyone should talk to everyone in the same tone … regardless of relationship status.
Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the technological advancement that this demonstrates … I even see the potential value it has for faceless corporations who are obsessed with being as bland and beige as possible, but while the written word can sometimes be more misunderstood than the spoken word, we are hardly spending our days going around apologising to people because for some reason, we wrote “FUCK OFF AND DIE” when we actually meant, “I HOPE YOU ARE WELL”.
Though of course all my sceptisicm and cynicism could be due to the fact that when I tested it out, my ‘letter’ was so full of passive aggressiveness that I almost broke the internet. Which means to me, the tone of my letter was just right.
You can test how much of illiterate and un-empathetic bastard you are here.
One of the things that drives me nuts about marketing – and sadly, planning – is the way words are thrown out without ever giving any thought to what they mean.
Revolutionary.
Innovation.
Meaningful.
They’re all words that have been diluted and destroyed by adlands constant dilution of what they mean and who supposedly represents them.
I remember once sitting in a major food companies boardroom and asking them what their biggest innovation of the last few years had been and they said their product – which was once only able to be cooked in the oven – was now able to be cooked in the microwave.
I get that to them, that’s innovative, but to the outside world, that’s bloody embarrassing.
But that’s not what this post is about, this post is about the killing of the word ‘commitment’.
I see it in annual reports. I see it in case studies. I see it in planning decks. I see it in advertising.
And 99% of the time, it’s all complete and total bollocks.
It seems the modern interpretation of ‘commitment’ is anything that results in you spending more than 30 seconds talking about it.
I know we live in fast paced, fast moving lives.
I know we are bombarded with choices and requests.
I know we all have the focus on a gnat.
But commitment is about the long game … and by that, it should be measured in years, not minutes.
Commitment is demonstrated by sacrifice.
Where easier, more populist or more profitable choices are pushed aside in favour of staying true to your belief or cause.
And what does staying true mean?
Well, as the title of this post states, it’s about action not words, but if you want me to be more specific, I’d say it’s demonstrated by investment, action, focus, progress, innovation and measurement.
Of course, any commitment a company or brand has towards a belief or cause should be closely related to their core business and how they operate within their core business – not just because that’s how they make money – but because if it’s not, you have to question how much they really believe in the belief or cause they are claiming they’re committed to.
That’s why I believe NIKE but less so Uniqlo. [Though I do believe Uniqlo for other things]
That’s why I believe GoPro but less so Garmin.
That’s why I believe Virgin but less so Qantas.
But there’s a much simpler way to work out whether a company is truly committed to what they claim to stand for … or even understands what being committed to something really means.
If they ‘relaunch’ what their brand stands for every 12 months, they don’t.
So planners, marketers, brands and companies. By all means use the word, but make sure you do the act.
Over and over and over again.
Today would be your 77th birthday.
I would have flown home.
Maybe I’d have surprised you.
Knocked on the door and waited for you to open it before announcing my surprise.
You would have been so happy.
You’d have said something like, “Well I never” … and then given me a big hug and a kiss.
Mum would have come to the hall to see what the commotion was about and would be so happy to see me.
I’d give her a big hug and a kiss and say how well she looked.
Then Jill would pop her head around the corner, with Otis in her arms, and shout “Surprise!”
You’d both be in shock.
The happiest of shocks.
You would push past me to give her a big hug.
For you Dad, it would be the first time you met her.
The first time you’d even know of her.
But you’d love her.
Not just because she’s wonderful, beautiful, smart and [occasionally] funny.
Not just because she makes me happier than anyone else in the World.
But because she loves me.
Knowing I’d found someone who I want to take care of and who wants to take care of your precious boy would make you so happy.
And then you’d both look down and see your grandson, being held in Jill’s arms.
I’d look at you both and smile to myself knowing how hard it would have been for you to welcome Jill before you got to Otis.
Your precious grandson.
The little man that, despite having never met him in person, was already someone you loved more than almost everyone else.
Except me.
And each other.
I would watch as Mum gently pinches his cheek and said, “Carina Carina” while you Dad, would kiss his head and said what a big boy he was.
You would stare at him for an age.
Commenting on his eyes.
His face.
His Michelin-man arms.
You’d introduce yourself as his grandparents.
I’d hear the thrill in your voice as you said it.
Granddad. Nonna. Words you’d patiently waited years to say.
And after giving Jill another kiss, I’d watch as you both slowly turn around.
As you looked at me, I’d see such pride on your face as you told me, “He’s beautiful”.
And I would feel the rush of emotion flood over me because I’d be so happy.
Happy that you’re both so happy.
Happy that we were finally all together.
Happy because I’d made you proud.
But sadly I know none of this will happen.
I wish it was because I know what would really happen is you’d grab Otis from Jill’s arms the moment you saw him, and kissed his cheeks over and over again. Then – before finally handing him to Mum to cuddle – you’d take him into the lounge and explain what all the beautiful flowers in the garden were.
But that’s not the reason, even though I wish it was.
The fact is you’re not here.
I’m not able to surprise you.
I’m not going to be able to watch you meet the family members you didn’t even know you had.
I know we’re not a religious family but I hope you will forgive me this moment of fantasy sentimentality.
You see while I can accept I’m not going to ever be able to play out the little scene I’ve just described, I need to believe you and Mum are now together.
Catching up. Hanging out. Talking and debating.
I know it’s ridiculous and I can see you shaking your head with a wry smile on your face, but it’s incredibly important to me.
Besides, after 16 years apart, it would be the best present you could have.
The best present you both deserve.
I miss you Dad.
Happy birthday.
Rx
Filed under: Comment
This is old news.
So old that the marketing director it relates to – the Dean Dacko in the title of this post – has since left the company.
When you read what he said, you will think that may be the first smart thing he did.
I should point out there is a chance his comments were taken out of context. Only he – and the journalist who recorded the conversation – will ever know.
However, even if they were, I can’t imagine a scenario where someone could ever see ‘the brand benefits’ of 2 airlines going down, killing hundreds of innocent lives.
Yes folks, I’m talking about Malaysian Airlines and the response the [ex] marketing director, Dean Dacko, gave when asked ’should you change your brand name’.
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“Prior to MH370, globally Malaysia Airlines’ brand awareness was in the low single digits. But after MH370 and MH17 it is 86 per cent worldwide. The name is now in the range of Coke and Pepsi.
That kind of awareness takes decades and billions of dollars in investment to build. To abandon that, from a commercial marketing perspective, would be a tragically bad mistake to make.”
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Yes, he really said that.
HE REALLY FUCKING SAID THAT.
Can you believe it?
I swear to god, even the most stupid person who lives in Stupid Avenue, Stupidsville would know that was a ridiculous – not to mention tasteless – statement to make.
Imagine how that makes the poor families of the lost ones feel.
Or the loyal employees of Malaysian Airlines.
Or the people of Malaysia, a nation full of wonderfully warm and compassionate people.
And this guy is from Canada … a place that is supposed to make labrador puppies look dangerous.
The fact he wasn’t fired the second he made this comment literally blows my mind.
I have no idea where he will turn up next, but if a brand suddenly starts poisoning their customers or committing genocide, I’ll have a good guess about who was behind it.