The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

A wedding ring that had been made to combine both my Dad’s wedding ring and the one given to me by Jill.

I wrote how this new ring had – thank god – been able to incorporate some of Dad’s ring [that I’d had left when I had it resized] as well as some things from Jill’s ring [that she kindly donated to me] so that it was something of real significance and sentimental value to me.

I treasure it.

It’s far more than the metal it’s made of.

But recently I saw something that reminded me why it is so significant.

This …

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I don’t know why, but the thought I will [hopefully] know Otis more as an adult than a kid completely fucked with me.

Of course he will always be ‘my child’ but being the person I see every day … the person I watch growing up in front of me … the person he turns to for laughs, help, advice or an audience … the person who loves and hugs his dog … is something I treasure deep in my psyche and soul.

As I wrote before, while all parents know their kids grow up fast, what makes it tolerable is that as they develop … they learn or express new things that you adore, which helps offsets the sadness of seeing the old things you loved, fall away.

But there will be a time where you don’t get to see this growth every day.

Where you aren’t their World, you’re just a part of it. One associated more with the past than the present.

Back in 2016, I wrote about that – based on an brilliant article in The Guardian – and fuck me, if it was hard to deal with then, it’s even harder to accept 9 years later as we get closer and closer to a time he will move on, that you know is coming but wish wasn’t.

That doesn’t mean you don’t want your child to have their own life.

To forge their own interests and passions and journeys moving forward.

But the idea of being relegated to ‘observer’ is hard, even though – as my parents showed with me – it is one of the greatest gift you could ever give your child.

The values to live.
The lessons to progress.
The encouragement to explore.
The freedom to build write your own story.

Not just watching your child become an adult, but life.

And as much as Mae West said: “you only live once, but if you do it right … once is all you need”, the reality is life does go fast.

What makes it more bizarre is that as you get older … as life passes-by slower … it all seems to accelerate at the same time.

Which is why it’s so important to treasure and value what you have.

Not take it for granted.

Not get swept up with the things that – in the big scheme of things – don’t matter.

It’s taken me a long time to learn this.

It’s taken watching my wonderful, brilliant son grow up to really understand this.

Despite watching my amazing Mum and Dad pass, it’s Otis who has helped me appreciate time and life.

Not just with him, but with everyone around me.

Which is why that video of ‘knowing your child more as an adult than a kid’ hit me.

Not because that is bad, but because the moment is so special.

And while growing up is a good and natural thing – which I have obviously been trying to come to terms with for a long time, given I wrote this about Otis becoming an adult back in 2021 – it’s still a reminder that you rarely know you’re living the time of your life, until after it has passed.

It’s why both those videos may have been uncomfortable reminders.