The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

The clothes … the hair … the language … the music … the bars … the friends …

WANK. WANK. WANK.

What makes it even more annoying is rather than focus on trying to do something that people – real people, not ad groupies and wannabe’s – think is cool, for a lot of them their goal is simply to be labeled as cool by their peers.

TWATS. TWATS. TWATS.

OK, so there are some planners who are genuinely cool [you can tell because they don’t make a fucking big song and dance out of it] and there are some accounts that require a certain type of planner associated with a certain type of lifestyle and of course, there are some guys who just find that subject matter really bloody interesting – however in the main, planners are supposed to be able to understand and relate and adapt to all segments of the masses, so if they have their head permanently stuck up their arse – or think no other group or lifestyle is as interesting or as important – the chances of them actually understanding what the real issues and opportunities are, is minimal and so everyone ends up losing.

And don’t give me any of this ‘but they could offer a fresh perspective’ bollocks.

What is a ‘fresh perspective’ anyway?

If I had to be specific, I’d say it’s when someone has an interesting approach to a particular issue – but that doesn’t mean ignoring the situation, it’s about really understanding it, which requires empathy with the audience, not distain.

Maybe I’m an old fuck, but if anything is ‘cool’, it’s when someone does [emphasis on ‘does’] something clever that not only shows a deep appreciation of the challenge, the audience and the opportunity but can somehow pull it all together and nurture the wider team to create something that infiltrates society because it’s relevant, resonant, interesting, exciting, energetic and effective … which is why I would put people like Mark Sareff, NP & Gareth, Jason, Age etc [and there’s a lot of ‘etc’s’] ahead of many of the crop of adlands ‘rockstar’ planners, even though I am sure many of them are clever and have done great things.

[Sorry if the guys listed think they’re cool, maybe they are and I’m just uber-shit at seeing it]

To paraphrase David Ogilvy, the masses aren’t irrelevant or uninteresting, they’re your mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, husbands, wives and kids – so for these wannabe rockstars, my advice to you is to pull your head in and remember doing clever things is much cooler than simply trying to be seen as cool through a bunch of contrived actions and behaviours, statements and thoughts … of which often, most have been said and done before anyway.

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Apart from 13 seconds of the near 13 hour flight, I wish I hadn’t.

I know that sounds makes me sound like a spolit little princess – especially as I didn’t pay for the flight [thank you Uncle Dan!] – but the experience was almost a case study in what not to do.

Maybe I’ve been spoilt by Singapore Airlines and Virgin Atlantic [thanks Steve & Lee], but from the moment I boarded the plane to the moment I got off, I was made to feel part of ‘their system’ and any personal needs, wants or requests had to go in the cargo hold.

Of course, the reality is whenever you fly with an airline, you are absolutely part of their system [read the book ‘Why I Hate Flying’ for greater clarification of what that system is] however whereas many other airlines do a great job in creating an illusion that’s not the case, BA don’t.

I know I’m not your typical business person – I work in advertising and wear birkenstocks – however I didn’t think I was that much of a freak until I boarded that flight.

In my opinion – and limited experience – the approach BA has adopted seems to have been lifted straight from the 1984 businessman cliche book.

Champagne on arrival.
Overcomplicated and complex food choices.
Minimal international exposure in chocie of reading matter and movies.

Maybe that’s the experience the ‘typical businessman’ wants at 38,000 feet but given the atrocious way it was executed, I doubt it – not unless they are BDM practioners or are conservative MP’s.

Seriously, when I was on the plane I just thought how horrible this client must be for those lovely guys at BBH, because it must be so hard to do work that finds a way to make the BA experience sound positive when its anything but. Though if my memory serves me, those canny black sheep have started doing campaigns that talk about the destination rather than the journey which makes a hell of a lot more sense I can tell you.

So what was wrong with the service?

Curt – or downright rude – hostesses/hosties who seemed to come from a starting position of not wanting to help and not wanting to like you through to food that was quite frankly a fucking joke.

Case in point?

Look at it.

LOOK AT IT.

Look I’m from Nottingham and my culinary pallete only extends to Sunday Roasts and kebabs – but even I wouldn’t eat that shit.

Apart from it looking about as appetising as a dog turd, why the hell is it swimming in the sort of liquid you see out of dodgy Chinese hotel taps?

And that was a business class meal.

Hahahahahahahaha!

Look, I don’t want to appear ungrateful – but this isn’t about getting to ponce in the front end of a plane [I never forget how fortunate I am for that] – this is about an airline not realising the times have changed, so unless they actually only want to appeal to passengers who carry briefcases or have approximately 13 years left to live, they should take a look at “what those little Asian fellows are doing over in the Far East” or face a future of decreased profits, relevance and hope.

Seriously, the food, the service, the seats [oh don’t get me started on the seats with their ridiculous configuration and quite frankly unintuitive controls] were representative of a company looking in the rear view mirror and all but guaranteed that if offered a choice, I would steer away from BA with as much determination as I do from their Antipodean, engine failing cousins, Qantas.

A national carrier [yes, I know BA isn’t really – but with a name like that, I would imagine many people in other countries don’t realise that] is like a tourism representative to the rest of the World.

Bad experience equals bad country and I think England – for all its faults – is an amazingly rich, historic, diverse, wonderful place and I’d hate to think that BA’s head-in-the-sand approach to flying experience could make people turn their back on visiting.

The good news is that people around the World probably have a good appreciation of what England offers compared to say Singapore or Dubai … but that shouldn’t mean BA can sit back and ignore their responsibility to tourism because like SIA and Emirates have shown, that early positive experience can lead to much more foreign interaction and investment at a later point.

Yes … yes … SIA and Emirates are Government backed organisations which certainly makes things easier interms of investment and management, but let’s be honest, with the way Britain’s finances are at the moment, BA should be grateful they haven’t got those buggers sticking their fingers in otherwise they’d be serving fish fingers and oven chips.

Mind you, I’d quite like that …

So did BA do anything right?

Well they didn’t crash or lose an engine so that’s a major positive however at the beginning of the post I said there were 13 seconds I especially liked and that was when the captain came on the PA when we landed and announced that one of the flight crew was leaving the airline after 10 years and wanted to wish them all the best … before adding that if we looked to our right, we’d see their new place of employment.

It was a carpark.

Classic British pisstaking humour which was rewarded with a plane full of passengers clapping and feeling good.

It was brilliantly timed too, because after a long flight, managing to have 300 people leave the plane with a smile on their face is a fantastic achievement. Pity for BA that was achieved by a comment from the pilot rather than something they have purposefully put in place to try and ensure.

I know, it sounds like I’m talking bollocks doesn’t it … but seriously, the clouds feel different in Blighty – both in the way they look and the way the sun interacts with them – which all combines to create another little thing that makes England feel more like home than anywhere else I live or have lived.

More best wishes [and why this blog won’t be updated for a week] here.

Hi Mum, how are you?

Look, I know you hate the photo below – but I love it and as it’s my blog you’ll just have to accept it.

However in the interests of ‘good son’ protocol, I’ve added a picture that I know you will like, a bit further down.

All cool?

Excellent, in that case I will begin …

Today my Mum turns 78.

SEVENTY EIGHT.

That amazes me – especially because if you saw how she lives, thinks, talks and walks, you’d swear she was much younger.

I’ve written many times how wonderful my Mum is … and how much I owe her for everything I’ve experienced and achieved in my life [so far] … but even with all those posts, I’m not giving her nearly as much credit as she deserves.

Seriously, if the World had one ounce of her kindness, consideration, love and encouragement – we’d be living in utopia – and while I’m not going to be with her today, I will be tomorrow and to say I can’t wait is a massive understatement.

Because of this trip, I won’t be writing any more blog posts till mid-next week when I’m back in Amsterdam – where no doubt I’ll be writing complaints about the hotel I’m staying even though I can’t believe it is possible it could be worse than the Pulitzer.

Anyway that’s by the by because today is my Mum’s birthday and it should all be about her … so Mum, if you’re reading this, I want to wish you a very, very HAPPY BIRTHDAY and let you know I love you very, very much and can’t wait to give you a big hug in 24 hours.

Right, now for that photo I promised …