The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

I know. Again.

And as ridiculous as my travel itinerary has been this year, this trip is the most ridiculous of them all.

Not for where I’m going, but why.

And with whom I’ll be rubbing shoulders with.

But that’s for another day – especially as this post is earnest-as-fuck and my trip is arguably superficial-as-hell [even though it’s not] – so I’ll see you a week on Tuesday and until then, remember that sometimes the best way to show you care about someone is to not do anything special for them.

Read on, it will hopefully explain all …

So as toxic as social media is, there are still moments where good things shine through – and I saw one of them this week.

It’s this:

Now whether this is a real message or not – I’m not sure. But what I do know is it not only reflects the sort of situation many people are experiencing right now, but it’s how I hope I’d respond if Otis ever found himself in a similar situation.

Too often – especially with parents, or more specifically male parents – we try to ‘fix’ problems that our loved ones face. And while it no doubt comes from a good place, sometimes all we need to provide is reassurance that we love them, we’re proud of them and we empathise with the situation they face but don’t judge them for it.

No pressure.
Not expectations.
No forcing yourself into their situation.

Just love, empathy and – I can’t stress this enough – normality.

If you’ve done a good job with your kids, they will hopefully work it out for themselves or ask for some help if they can’t. And while being interested in what they’re interested in is important – that doesn’t extend to making demands of them or adding additional pressure to them.

This is even more important when a child is in a situation they didn’t ask for or hope for … of which losing a job is one of those situations.

Too often redundancy suggests the individual failed, rather than the company.

This is not by accident.

Companies love to suggest this narrative as it means the focus of attention is on the individual rather than the organization and the shame attached to redundancy keeps the person quiet so the company can act in public like all is well.

I talked about this in The Observer Newspaper back in 2020 when when I found myself being made redundant by R/GA … and while my ex-employer generally treated me OK, I still heard comments from people that seemed to suggest I should feel embarrassed I lost my job and was being professionally irresponsible speaking so openly about it.

Look, no one wants to lose their job, but it happens – and it’s going to happen a fuckload more as corporates increasingly value short-term profits over long-term trust and responsibility – which is why my attitude at the time was the more people knew I was on the market, the more likely I would find someone who wanted to take me off it.

And I was lucky because that is exactly what happened.

But a lot has changed in the past 4+ years in terms of how companies operate … and given I have a young son who will one day need to find his own career path, I guess that’s why that Twitter/X message made such an impression on me.

But the real lesson in it is that it doesn’t matter how old you are … everyone needs to feel there is someone out there who sees – and values them – for who they are, not what job they have or what things they own.

That doesn’t mean you provide blind faith.
Nor does it mean you offer false promises or hope.
It simply means you know when the best thing you can do to show how much you care, is to do absolutely nothing special for them.

Because at a time where there is so much ‘performative’ compassion, sometimes, the greatest gift you can give someone is ‘mundane normality’.

Something I now realise my parents were also brilliant at doing.

See you on Tuesday the 27th.