The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

I say bought … but the reality is there’s a shitload of stuff I never received.

And then there’s the stuff that I did get, that I wish I hadn’t.

That said, I have to acknowledge their unprecedented ability to hype the mundane up to fever pitch. It really is quite extraordinary, given I’ve gone back time and time again, despite enduring endless indifferent experiences.

But maybe I’m over that now.

Or maybe they’re just running out of ‘hype fuel’ because recently I saw something that made me laugh out loud rather than reach for my credit card.

To be honest, it’s been coming …

First there was the watch that claimed to be rebel engineering.

Then the phone attachment that supposedly gave you something fast-approaching infinite zoom.

But now they have entered a new world of insanity, even though I acknowledge this one is arguably much more sensible than either of those ‘trophies of stupidity’.

It’s this …

Yep, a portable dishwasher.

Does anyone ever need a portable dishwasher?

I understand a small dishwasher, but a portable one?

My gut would say no, but I know for a fact there’s some people [read: my wife] who hates the idea of washing dishes so much, she would probably see this as an act of humanity.

So let’s say I accept there may be an audience out there for a micro, portable dishwasher.

However what I cannot accept is – based on the photo they have used – there’s an audience who would want to buy a micro, portable dishwasher to then take to their local pub. More importantly, I don’t know why anyone would need to take a micro, portable dishwasher to their local pub unless they purposely forget their watch/purse/phone and need to work off the drinks and underwhelming bar snacks they consumed.

But the way the Kickstarter folk have written the headline seems to suggest they think it may be the next craze. The new ‘dog in a handbag’ or overpriced, oversized water bottle. Something you take with you at all times to show your peers your ‘status’ or in case you fancy washing your cup, saucer or – judging by the size of the machine – spork.

But it gets worse, because they then say ‘saving you time to make more joy’.

What the absolute fuck?!

Apart from that being literally the laziest ‘selling proposition’ in the known universe, I’ll tell you what saves you more time to make more joy … going to the local fucking pub to eat so you don’t have any washing up to do.

What the hell are Kickstarter thinking?

Are they thinking?

Do they care anymore.

Well, as much as I’d like to say ‘no, they’re not’ … it seems that accusation should be pointed at their customers rather than them, because the company behind the ‘social dishwasher’ have raised $1,186,891,682 from Kickstarter projects.

$1,186,891,682!!!

OK, so that is over 4367 products, but still, that’s disturbingly impressive.

But not as impressive as me being able to show Jill this news and look fiscally responsible in comparison to the tens of thousands of people who have dropped their cash on shit like this.

And this is coming from someone who has bough robot balls, a shitload of robot dogs and a windmill.

Result!!!