Filed under: A Bit Of Inspiration, Advertising, Aspiration, Attitude & Aptitude, Career, Collaboration, Colleagues, Complicity, Confidence, Context, Creative Development, Creativity, Culture
A long time ago, I read an article about a former fashion executive who was talking about what he had learned in his life.
It was a powerful piece, because the individual had recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer and literally had 12 months to live.
I was young and can’t quite remember how I came across the article, but I remember 2 very significant quotes he gave that have stayed with me for decades.
The first was how he had always thought he would decide when to change jobs … until one day, he discovered he was going to be fired.
His point was that regardless what your title is, regardless how important you think you are and regardless how much power and influence you think you hold … you never decide when it’s time to leave a company, they do.
They may show it by firing you.
They may show it by choosing not to promote you.
They may show it by turning down your application for a vacation.
But one way or another – directly or indirectly – it’s the company who holds the power and the sooner we all realise this, the sooner we will, ironically, gain far more influence and power over our choices and decisions.
I say this because about a year ago, I said to my dear friend Paula Bloodworth, how I had recently realized what a pain-in-the-arse I must be as an employee.
She looked at me with an expression that said ‘No Shit’, until she said to me, “No Shit“.
That doesn’t mean I went out of my way to cause problems, it just means I had the attitude that for all the things I no doubt do badly, there’s no way someone is ever going to be able to say I haven’t given my all to make something great happen. Doesn’t mean I will always pull it off – far from it actually – but it does mean I’ll never back away the challenge and that I expect those around me to want to aim for the same standards as me.
Which sounds toxic-as-shit when you write it down, but just to be clear I’m fine with failing … I’m just not fine with ‘not trying’. Frankly, I haven’t got the time or patience to waste on that approach to life and I think part of the reason for that is because of reading that article many years ago.
Now I appreciate that sounds a convenient excuse to justify my attitude – and the truth is, there are/were many other factors that have driven me in my career, of which not being great at school exams is one of them – however I clearly remember how I felt when I read that article for the first time. In many ways, it triggered a ‘lightbulb’ moment in me, ensuring I would give as much time and energy as I could to make good things happen at the highest level while also having as many fingers in as many creative pies as I could.
Not just to learn, grow, explore and evolve … but also to help protect myself as best I could from the company politics, agendas and mismanagement I read were everywhere, whether you saw them or not.
Now whether this has worked out for me is for you to decide, but from a personal perspective, I am pretty sure the life I enjoy would not have happened without that approach … and that’s taking into account the huge amount of luck I’ve had along the way.
Which leads to the second thing the fashion exec said.
A thing that – in many ways is a byproduct of the first lesson, albeit something he was to discover for the very worst of reasons.
The importance of prioritization.
As I mentioned, this executive had been recently diagnosed with terminal cancer.
He didn’t have much time and didn’t want to waste any of it.
So he drew a a bunch of circles around each other – small to big, like a giant bullseye – and plotted the names of people he knew in different parts of the image. Names in the middle/bullseye were the people closest and most important to him … whereas those going further out, were less so.
This formed the basis of who he was going to spend and dedicate his remaining time with.
Anyone outside the first 2 circles were sent a letter, explaining his situation … thanking them for their relationship and saying that because of the limited time left, he would appreciate it if they did not take up any more of his time with goodbyes.
However for those in the inner circles – the people who meant the most to him – he dedicated his remaining time. Actively seeking to bathe in their presence and energy. Making sure everything that had to be said and shared was fully expressed.
In essence, he discovered that time was precious.
Now I am not dying – at least no faster than everyone else is, I hope – but I am reaching a period in my life where I am choosing to limit where my energies are spent. Not because I have less energy to express – in fact, thanks to getting healthy, I arguably have more than ever – but because I realise I want to ensure the people who matter most to me, truly feel how much they mean to me.
That is not saying they haven’t had that, but the older I get, the more it has become very important to me that they know it.
That does not mean I am not going to be there for anyone who wants to chat or ask advice.
That is also very important to me – and I say that as a grateful recipient, not just a questionable provider – however in the past few years, I realized I had been prioritizing others needs over the people who should be expecting it from me the most. Somewhere along the line, I had got things mixed up and that had led to a few people expecting me to fit in with their needs and never consider mine. Let me be very clear – it was never their fault – the fact is I had allowed it, but the realization was pretty uncomfortable for me because frankly, as much as I care for a lot of people, I love very few and it was time to reorg my time to ensure my focus was on them as my priority.
This is quite hard to write because it sounds like I am angry or upset at people – but I’m not. I am definitely angry and upset with myself but that’s it. Actually, that’s not true … I’m also pissed off at a particular person in NZ who I had gone out of my way to help – way before moving here – only to realise they were a complete user and I had been too slow/naive/generous to realise that until it was a bit late. That said, when I did, they were the one that had helped me realise that I needed to prioritize where my energy was spent.
Which is a long winded way to say that sometimes, it takes a long time to really learn a lesson. Or the whole lesson.
So while I will always be creatively ambitious.
While I will always be open to the new and interesting.
And while I’ll always be there for anyone who wants/needs to chat.
I’ll be prioritizing the people who are the reason I am able to do all of that.
Put simply, I’ll alway make time, I’ll always find time … but I can no longer just blindly give time.
Not now.
Which is why I hope the fashion exec who is the heart of this post – and is long gone now – somehow knows that his story impacted a life for a big part of their life. And I’ll be forever grateful to them for that.