The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Talked Through Disaster …

Once upon a time, it felt like there were a lot of movies where a passenger on a plane had to step up and take control because all the pilots had fallen ill.

It would always feature a member of the flight crew discovering the Captain and co-pilot were sick or unconscious, followed by a nervous public announcement asking: “Is there a pilot on board?”

Eventually someone – typically an Alpha male type of man – would step up and the movie would then focus on the story of them being talked through how to land the plane … which they’d do without a loss of life and everyone, especially the glamorous female flight crew member, would fall in love with them.

Sometimes these movies were comedies – Airplane for example – sometimes something more serious, but that was the general premise of all of them.

Now there have been stories where this situation happened, or at least in terms of a passenger having to help land the plane annnnnnnd – as we learnt on the Netflix Fyre Festival documentary – you can learn to fly a plane through Microsoft Flight Simulator … but frankly, the idea of being thrown into a situation you have never been in before, with hundreds of lives at stake and a time limit for success to be executed is something that must be pretty much everyone’s worst nightmare.

Why am I saying this?

Well because I saw the lowest rent version of this situation recently.

Or, said another way, the ‘training wheels’ version of this situation.


Yep, that’s a ‘be talked through your own haircut’.

Be TALKED through.

Not video. Phone.


And then they charge you $14 for it.

What if you have a complicated haircut?

What if you need it colouring and can’t tell if it’s right?

What if you end up spending hours talking them through the cut?

OK … OK … so it’s someone taking the piss, but as funny as it is, there may be people who would actually pay for this.

No seriously.

Not simply because of the state pandemic hairstyles got in – though obviously I wouldn’t know this – but because we shouldn’t forget, there’s restaurants out there who charge you a full restaurant price to cook your own steak on the BBQ.

I’ll never work out why some people think that is a good night out.

Sure you don’t have to wash up, but you do have to pay a lot of cash for something you could have done – for much cheaper – at home.

So you heard it here first. Next pandemic lockdown, invest in the phone haircut business. They will be the future … or they may end up as a z-grade horror movie on Channel 5.

21 Comments so far
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I thought you were good at spotting scam ads.

Comment by John

You’re showing you don’t read what he writes John. I’m not blaming you, I’m just point it out. ; )

Comment by George

that would be the smartest thing doddsy has ever fucking done.

Comment by andy@cynic

I’m also very good at spotting people who haven’t read my posts, ha.

Comment by Rob

of course its easy campbell, its every fucker.

Comment by andy@cynic


Comment by DH

For a moment I thought you thought this was genuine.
But then I also thought this could be the sort of thing you would do for a laugh.
I am relieved I was wrong on both counts. Or was I?

Comment by George

It is DEFINITELY the sort of thing I’d do.
Remember the scampaign mad I did? I wish I’d kept it up, haha.

Comment by Rob

made more money than any of the fuckers scam ads they made for an award.

Comment by andy@cynic

i thought the title of this bollocks it was going to give a helpline number for people about to work with you.

Comment by andy@cynic

I think that is uniformly known as being either 911 or 999.

Comment by Rob

Thats $14 you just saved.

Comment by DH

What do you mean? I choose to be bald. Ahem.

Comment by Rob

Then you chose wrong.

Comment by DH

I’d clearly lost the will to live by the time I got to that line.

Comment by John

imagine working with the fucker. ive not done it since 2010 and im still fucking traumatised.

Comment by andy@cynic


Comment by DH

+ 2

Comment by Bazza

You’re bald. x

Comment by Marcus

Great post.

Comment by John


Comment by Rob

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