The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

That means almost 40 bloody years!!!

And yet, over the years, I’ve been arrested for being drunk and disorderly all over the World … even though in reality, I was just being a stupid idiot.

A sober, stupid idiot.

For people who know me, that shouldn’t be too hard to imagine … however the reality is ‘being a stupid idiot’ is why I stopped drinking in the first place.

Not because I ever had a problem with how much I drank – if truth be told, I only ever got properly ‘drunk’ twice in my life and, being so young, meant I never had too much access to alcohol in the first place – but because I had a problem with feeling out-of-control.

I appreciate that may make me sound like a psychopath, but what’s even stranger is that I have a very addictive personality.

Over the years, that’s got me into a bunch of different types of trouble … which is why I am so glad my addictive side is offset by also being in possession of a stubborn-as-a-mule side.

What this means is that if my addictive side goes too far, my stubborn side kicks in and stops me dead.

I don’t just mean ‘stops me’ for that moment, I mean it stops me doing whatever it is I was doing, for good.

It’s like the ultimate flex … showing my addictive side that as influential as it thinks it is, it decides what I do and don’t do. And nothing proves that more by ensuring that when it stops me, it never ever lets me do it again.

It’s why I stopped drinking alcohol.
It’s why I stopped playing fruit machines.
It’s why I – eventually – stopped eating so much shit.
It’s also why I never tried drugs because it’s a given I’d have gone all in on them.

However, I am a bit confused why it hasn’t stepped in to stop me walking around like an idiot. But then, I guess I am choosing to do that rather than because I have a compulsion to – which is, arguably, even scarier.

Or sadder.

Anyway, I am writing all this because I read something recently that triggered all these thoughts.

It was something the actor/host Rob Brydon said this about the best time to be in a movie.

I love that. I love it for the objectivity, the vulnerability and the self-awareness.

Some people dream of being in a movie.
Some people dream of writing a hit song.
Some people – god forbid – dream of working in advertising.

And that’s great, until you let that define who you are.

Because the moment that happens, you’re no longer in control of who you are.

You are at the mercy of those around you.

Desperate for the acclaim. Hurt by any criticism. Doing all you can to stay where you think you are .. and yet, always craving to be something more.

Some companies actively try to cultivate this attitude …

Making you feel you’re special for being where others aren’t.

Letting you enjoy the trapping of industry success and clout.

Feeding your confidence with stories of acclaim and fame.

But while this is going on, they’re slowly changing the dynamic.

Shifting you from a position of strength to dependency.

Turning the screw until they’re the one in control.

Where you’ll be complicit to whatever keeps you in favour.

Because to be let go by them would feel like you no longer exist.

Until they decide you don’t.

Trust me it happens.

It’s kind-of why I started Corporate Gaslighting.

Because the way they win is creating the conditions of control. And shame.

But this post has taken a bit of a turn …

Because while that quote from Rob Brydon may be about the dangers of getting what you want, it wasn’t the point I was originally using it for this post.

The real reason was that when I read it, it reminded me of something The Chemical Brothers once said.

Something to do with alcohol consumption – which is where this post started, just to connect the dots in case you were as lost as I appear to have been.

You see, they were once asked, “What’s your favourite part of being drunk”.

To which they gave one of the best answers to any question I’ve ever heard:

“The second before you know you’re going to be sick”.

Those are the words of someone who has been there more than once.

Who has learned the lessons of excess the hard way.