The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Sometimes, Life Has A Way To Remind You How Beautifully Random It Is …

I appreciate the title of this post is scarily Oprahesque, but hang in there.

When you get to my age, you can feel all the surprises of life have passed you by.

OK, thanks to Otis I get to experience a bit of it through him, but generally – there’s a feeling all the weird and wonderful has gone.

Well how wrong I am.

A few weeks ago, I went to some black tie event in Auckland.

Given I don’t own a black tie and even if I did, I couldn’t have worn it because my stuff [at the time of writing this] still hasn’t arrived from the UK – I went in exactly what I would wear anyway … a jeans and a hoodie.

Little did I know that this event would prove to be one I’d remember forever.

As I walked into the venue [where security asked if I was at the right place – hahaha] I was met by a mass of beautiful people in beautiful clothes … as witnessed by the photo at the top of this post.

And as you can see from this photo, it was utterly packed …

At some point in the evening, I felt a tap on my shoulder.

I turned around to hear a man say he had to talk to the person not in the black tie.

He wasn’t saying it to be nasty, it was a genuine sense of curiosity.

But that didn’t matter, because there was something far more interesting to me.


I know.

I fucking know.

If you gave me a trillion guesses of who I might meet in a business conference in Auckland, New Zealand … I still wouldn’t have said Noel bloody Edmonds.

I didn’t even know he lived in NZ.

But he does.

And he was at this event.

And he wanted to say hello to the weirdo in the Anti Social Social Club hoodie.

What’s hilarious was he was genuinely shocked when I knew who he was.

Not as shocked as I was that he has literally not changed.

As I told him, I used to watch him on Swap Shop as a kid and here he was, 60 odd years later looking exactly the same.

It was one of the most bizarre and random events of my life … and I include the time the singer Pink told me she liked my Def Leppard Christmas jumper in LA.

But wait … there’s more.

Because if meeting Noel Edmonds wasn’t enough, I then got to meet NZ PM, Jacinda Arden.

OK, maybe it was less of a surprise to see her at a NZ business award thing … but I can tell you she was surprised when I ignored all protocol and just did what every other person in the room wanted to do but didn’t – which was go up to her, interrupt her conversation and tell her she’s ace and could she be PM of the UK.

Amazingly her security didn’t arrest me.

They didn’t even stop me.

Instead, she held my hand and gave me a hug. A HUG!!!!

Seriously, as evenings go, this was definitely a bit bonkers.

But wait … there’s more.

No … seriously. There is.

Because then they announced one of the winners and it was James Cameron.

Terminator, Titanic and Avatar James Cameron.

OK, I knew he owned a place in NZ, but I didn’t realise he lived here.

I certainly never expected him to be where I was.

And while Noel and Jacinda were bloody lovely, Cameron came across as a bit of a twat who lacked all self awareness [which is probably what ex-wife, Linda Hamilton would also say] … but that aside, to be in a place on the other side of the world … in a pandemic … and randomly meet a UK childhood TV star, one of Hollywood’s most successful film directors and the best PM in the whole wide World reminded me of a lesson that’s kinda been the foundation of pretty much all I’ve ever done

When you’re open to everything, anything can happen.

17 Comments so far
Leave a comment

fuck me,. the twilight zone is real.
and how the fuck has edmonds not changed. he looks like he watched you as a kid not the other fucking way around.
looking forward to hearing about your deportation for harassment of the pm. this post details why you are the most fucking jammy prick on the planet.

Comment by andy@ycynic

Noel Edmonds.
In New Zealand?
I’m shocked by that and I wasn’t there.

Comment by George

I know George. I bloody know.
And I was there and it still feels surreal.

Comment by Rob

I agree with you Andrew, this is the sort of thing that can only happen to Robert. I am just surprised that Jacinda, Noel and James haven’t invited him around for dinner. It is only a matter of time.

Comment by George

He will get made a PM advisor in a week. Then NZ will be worse than Trump America.

Comment by Bazza

Is this a dream?

Comment by Bazza

A Tim Burton dream.

Comment by Lee Hill

It has the right level of twistedness to it. Ha

Comment by Rob

Noel would say that cosmic ordering manifests his wishes for him. That’s either a crock or he needs to make better wishes.

Comment by John

I love you don’t change for anyone Rob!

Jemma xox

Comment by Jemma King

it not rebellion, its lack of taste and laziness. come on jem, you fucking know this.

Comment by andy@cynic

Fair on all counts.

Comment by Rob

Drugs are cool.

Comment by Billy Whizz

You are just reinforcing why I call you the magnet for mayhem.

Comment by Wayne Green

when the story of Jacinda’s affair with Noel Edmunds breaks (via a surprisingly high budget sex-tape, Mr Cameron)… we will be the least shocked

Comment by Steve W


Comment by DH

Lately I’ve been thinking about how those in the know are all relocating to NZ because climate change + COVID will wreck the rest of the planet.

You recounting your experience at this conference just reaffirms everything I suspected

Comment by Bryan

Leave a Reply