The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

It Will Make You Blind And You Can’t Climb Ladders Easily …

A long time ago I wrote about a gum that was designed to stop teenagers whacking off.

Then there was the soap that supposedly made you a virgin again. Or something.

However before you think the ‘anti-sex’ brigade have the monopoly on stupid and ineffective products … don’t forget Vulva aftershave, the scent designed to make men smell like a vagina. A sweaty vagina. Oh how I wish I was joking.

Anyway, I say all this because recently a friend sent me this …

I am hoping he sent it to me because he knew I’d find it amusing, but seriously look at it!

I must admit, when I first saw it, I thought it was a joke but then I visited the URL and it went to a real place.

Now I have to be honest, having read it – I literally don’t know if it’s true or a parody.

If it’s true, it’s hilarious. [And a teensy bit scary]

And if it’s a parody, it’s absolutely brilliant. [Check out the ‘Family Fun’ link]

But here’s the thing, that ‘ad’ states that you can never climb the ladder to heaven if your hands are full of penis.

Despite my best friend being the proud owner of a penis that could easily be mistaken for an international ballistic missile, I’ve never had any penis size issues but I might now if this organisation say’s that the average penis requires 2 hands to control.

Or maybe that’s just people who are going to go to hell.

Which – if it is – is the best ad for sin I’ve ever seen.

Besides, there’ll be more interesting people there … not to mention all my friends.

PS: I promise the blog posts get better this week. Eventually.

18 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Get better later in the week? What do you mean, this is your best post ever.

Comment by Billy Whizz

So good I’m not embarrassed to be first.

Comment by Billy Whizz

had to get his mates donkey cock into it though didnt he.

Comment by andy@cynic

To be fair to me, it’s the only person who could feasibly have both his hands full of penis while climbing up a ladder.

Comment by Rob

Maybe your friend sent it to you because of this.

Comment by Pete

old habits never fucking die do they campbell.

Comment by andy@cynic

and why the fuck are you in a shirt. a shit shirt but still a shirt.

Comment by andy@cynic


Comment by Rob

This cannot be real. Have you seen the mastuhaters section?

Comment by Pete

who cares, its better than the usual shit campbell spouts on here.

Comment by andy@cynic

I honestly don’t know if it’s real or not, it shouldn’t be and some parts of it make me feel it isn’t … but then it exists and who would bother to keep it up that long otherwise?

Comment by Rob

You’ve kept this blog going for 10+ years.

Comment by DH


Comment by George

Dare I say it Robert, but this appears the sort of website you used to create. I still remember your spoof research company site. What was the name of them again?

Comment by Lee Hill

Hahahaha … you mean this:

We even got mentioned in the UK Daily Telegraph once.

Comment by Rob

This blog is back on brand.

Comment by Bazza

As are the comments ….

Comment by Rob

This is hilarious and very disturbing.

Comment by Mary Bryant

Leave a Reply