The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Proof Of Persuasion …
September 24, 2015, 6:20 am
Filed under: Brand Suicide, Cunning, Entertainment, Perm

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I thought I’d convinced a perfectly sane [well, moderately sane] creative to get a perm.

And why would I think that?

Because I’m an immature, manipulative bastard.

But I was sort-of wrong … because thanks to some misunderstanding, they gave him cornrows rather than a perm.

Sure he looks stupid.

Sure he looks like some white, American, fratboy trying to look like Snoop Dog.

But that isn’t good enough. I paid for a perm and so I demanded a perm.

And you know what … despite already looking a total twat, he agreed, which is why he went back in yesterday for another hair humiliation which ended up looking like this.

I know what you’re thinking … it looks pretty good. And you’re right, it does.

Sure, he looks like Kenny G, but it’s nowhere near the embarrassment I was expecting.

Or should I say ‘hoping for’.

In fact, I would say it’s a vast improvement on how he used to look.

I don’t mind telling you, I’m utterly devastated.

Before I saw the results of the ‘proper perm’ I had written this:


Nick Finney is a giant among men.

Actually, he’s more than that, he’s a gladiator of masculinity.

A man so full of testosterone, that Hugo Boss want to kick Gerrard Butler from fronting their latest preposterously ridiculous campaign.


So many of todays heroes and stars claim to have unlimited levels of power and influence … but Nick Finney trumps all of them.

Each and every one.

And that’s good, because with that hairstyle, he’s going to need something to hang his self-esteem onto given he’s never going to get laid again.



But the fact is, he IS going to get laid.

Sure, they might all be a bunch of Brian May groupie-types, but the reality is I’ve helped him get more action than he will know what to do with.

As Viz magazine once said in one of their utterly brilliant spoof ads … he’ll have to beat them off with a shitty stick.

The only positive out of this – and I use that word very cautiously – is that when my son saw him [Jill brought him down because lets face it, his inheritance was paying for it], the reaction wasn’t one of admiration, inspiration or pride, it was this …

Yes, Mr Curly Head made my son cry.

A lot.

His curls literally scared my baby.

The bastard.

But all that aside, I have to admit defeat.

I wanted this to end with him crying a river of tears but it ended up with me [and my son] sobbing in disappointment.

Karma is a bitch.

That said, I have to applaud him … he’s a total legend for doing it and not chickening out which is why I can honestly say his madness has given me one of the few high points in my pretty crappy year.

Mind you, when I think that I’ve inadvertently ensured 2015 is going to be the year he has more action than Ron Jeremy I feel sick … which is why the only way I’m able to cope with it is to think of this …

13 Comments so far
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More likely Jill came down to make sure you didn’t elope with your crush.

Comment by John

you sick, stupid, mental bastard. and campbell is the same.

Comment by andy@cynic

I know you have tried to buy friends before but enemies? twat, you can have those fuckers by the bucketload for free.

Comment by andy@cynic

Hope it cost you a fortune.

Comment by Billy Whizz

It did. Especially as I had to pay for the cornrows then the perm. A double smack in the face from Mrs Karma.

Comment by Rob

Why did he let you do it? But I agree, the perm suits him.

Comment by Pete

Who knows. I’m deluding myself it was my brilliant mind and sparkling charisma. Though he was probably just bored. Or worse, he wanted a perm but couldn’t afford it and thought this was the best way to get his way.

Comment by Rob

The cornrows were horrible. He looks good now.

Comment by Mary Bryant

It’s strangely gratifying to know that despite your years and new role as a father, your mischievous streak is still going strong.

Comment by Lee Hill

You might be the only one who thinks that Lee.

Comment by Rob

I love you Robert, but anyone you takes your advice on fashion or style gets what they deserve.

Comment by George

He looks like Jon Snow now. Yup, he’s definitely getting laid.

Comment by sayhitotam

He looks hotter now than he did before #nohomo. Maybe you should consider a career in Man-Overs (TM); makeovers for men?

Comment by jonhaywooduk (@jonhaywooduk)

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