The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

You’re going to need to when you watch this …

The good news for Little Billy is that with the utter nonsense he’s spouting in this clip, he can be sure if the Black Eye Peas turn to shit or his creative director gig at INTEL goes tits-up, there’s a chair with his name on it waiting for him at Landor.

Probably with a job title proclaiming he’s the, ‘Global Proprietary Tool Design Innovator Creative Director’.

Or something.

Seriously, how the hell has he become the ‘go-to man’ for companies wanting to sex themselves up?

How???

OK, so the brands he works with tend to be companies that like lots of beige and grey – but he is in the Black Eyed Peas for christsake, they’re the beige and grey of music.

Ahhhhhhh, now I understand.

With all this celebratory c-suite hiring we’re seeing, what’s next?

Brian May made the head of style at Vidal Sassoon?

Stephen Hawking appointed chief engineer at Segway?

Alicia Keys made creative director of Blackberry?

Oh hang on, that one has happened.

Steve Jobs must be pissing himself in his grave right now.

Collaborating with companies on something you actually know about – or have credibility in – is one thing.

Pretending you’re an expert in something you have no idea about just because a company paid you an utter fortune in a desperate attempt to ‘get down with the kidz’ because typically, they’re about as welcome as Jimmy Saville at a pre-school sleepover is something totally different.

It makes you look a fool.

It makes the company look a fool.

We have enough fools in the World.

Enough already. Seriously, enough already.

Not that it matters because I know you never read what I post.

So I was in Thailand recently for MediaWorks and because it was held in the same hotel as last year, I got to see the most politically incorrect toilet signage in the World all over again.

What am I talking about?

This:

Seriously, what were the guys behind this thinking?

Actually, what are these guys behind this trying to say?

I don’t know if it’s an insult to the men of Thailand or the women?

Are they implying the guys are more fragile than the ladies or is it inferring that Thai women have child bearing hips fit for an elephant?

Of course, both scenario’s are utter rubbish, which begs the question …

WHY HASN’T ANYONE AT THE HOTEL DONE SOMETHING ABOUT IT?

Some of that change has been great, some has been less so.

Much of this change has been driven by the influence of technology.

Suddenly the ability to make and listen to music has become easier … more accessible.

Whether that is a good thing or a bad thing is open to interpretation … but one thing that I genuinely believe is a negative is that thanks to things like iPod/iPhone/iTunes [Sorry Bazza], the way we consume music has changed.

Nowadays, if a track doesn’t ‘grab you’ in the first 5 seconds, you can – and often do – move on to another song.

Nowadays, if you like a particular artist, you can choose to own just the tracks you like, rather than experience the whole song, let alone whole album.

It’s resulted in many artists changing how they write music.

Trying to grab the attention from the first note.

Creating the musical equivalent of a Michael Bay movie … all bluster, not much substance.

Some of that is good, but it also means ‘music appreciation’ is evolving/devolving into nothing more than track acknowledgement.

That’s why I really liked it when AC/DC refused to sell their music on iTunes.

They said their albums were created to be experienced as an entire piece, not to picked and played with.

Of course, when they realised how much cash they were missing out on, they quickly changed their mind, but the reason behind their initial stand is absolutely with merit.

But that’s not what this post is about, it’s about a band with the greatest hair since Joey Tempest of Europe.

Yes, I’m talking about one-hit-wonders, Flock of Seagulls.

Listen to this:

Yes, it’s their 1982 hit, “I Ran” … but the thing I love about it is that there’s 1 minute 32 seconds of musical intro before the lyrics come in.

NINETY TWO SECONDS.

Christ, that’s longer than some songs these days.

And I love it.

I love that it pulls you slowly into the adventure.

Preparing you for the moment it all kicks in.

And I honestly believe it wouldn’t be so powerful if it didn’t have that intro to the song.

Which leads to the bigger issue …

In these days where everyone seems obsessed with finding the shortest route to awesome, the sad truth of the matter is that by looking for shortcuts, you’re automatically running the risk of stopping awesome from ever truly happening.

Or said another way, if all you do is fuck, you’re missing out on the emotional satisfaction you get from seduction.

Yes, that is the worst analogy ever written.

Sorry.

OK, with that disturbing image now in your head, I think I’ll leave you to your weekend.

For total transparency, this is about a situation some of the people who comment on this blog – and myself – found ourselves in about 10 years ago.

Again, it’s all done and dusted now, but at the time, I cannot tell you the emotional toil it had on us because the implications for our lives and livelihoods was potentially devastating.

Obviously we got through it and managed to do it without too many scars, so I’m very proud of everyone who helped us – both personally & professionally – and I hope when they read it, they remember how strong we were not how horrid that time was.

You claimed you were sincere.

That the words you spoke were the words you meant.

That your belief went beyond anything said – or heard – before.

Then you went and did something quite the opposite.

Something with malice in its intent.

Something designed to destruct from the core and to the core.

Then you apologized and claimed it was a mistake.

A moment of misguided judgement.

A decision of foolish naivety.

And that you were sincere.

That the words you spoke were the words you meant.

That your belief went beyond anything said – or heard – before.

Then you went and did something quite the opposite.

Again.

Fuck you for making us believe.

Care.

Hope.

Fuck you for tricking us into giving you our best.

Then bringing out our worst.

Just so you could justify your actions.

Which you had planned all along.

As the [updated & paraphrased] old saying goes:

I am very fortunate that I know a lot of people.

Good people … bad people … weird people … twisted people … dodgy people … clever people … ridiculous people … funny people … emotional people.

Each and everyone of them has made a positive impression on me in some way.

But despite all that, I would say that I have very few friends.

Admittedly, a lot of that is because I have an utterly stupid criteria of what a friend is.

For a start, I have to have known them for a minimum of 6 years.

Then I have to know that if I called them in the dead of the night, having banged my big toe against the door, after they’ve abused me for waking them up, they’d then ask if I’m OK and whether I needed help.

I know … I know … it’s a bit pathetic. And insulting. But that’s how it is.

To be honest, this is probably why I would say – by my criteria – that I have a total, excluding my parents and wife [and cat, ha], of no more than 6 friends.

10 if I am feeling especially generous.

And in all honesty, I’m OK with that.

Don’t get me wrong, all the other people in my life are wonderful and I am very glad to know them, but those 6-10 people operate at a whole different level.

They understand me in ways very few do.

They never judge, but always guide.

They’re selfless in their generosity and compassion.

They have been by my side in both my best and worst of times. And stood firm.

In short, they make me a better person and help me experience a more enjoyable life.

They make me feel blessed and honoured to know them and I just hope they feel the same way about the friendship I give in return.

So to those 6-10 people, who I hope they know who they are, I want to say thank you.

You make my life so much more fulfilling and even though the decisions I’ve made mean that I don’t see you or talk to you nearly as much as I’d like to, want to or need to … you are always there, both in my mind and my heart and I am a much stronger person for knowing that.

One day I’d love you all to meet because I know very few know each other.

In all honesty, I don’t know if you’d all get along, but what I would like to do is sit you all in a room and play you this song by Free, because it pretty much sums up everything you make me feel.

Everything you do for me.

It’s amazing.

Thank you.