The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

I’ve known him since day 1 and throughout my 4 decades of life, he has always been there – good times and bad – making me feel loved, protected and never alone.

I know that sounds unbelievably gay [and I did once say if he was an attractive woman, I’d marry him] but he is an incredibly special and wonderful person.

Because 40 is a pretty significant age, I wanted to get him something special … something that showed him and told him how much he meant to me, how much I treasure his friendship, loyalty and humanity.

To be honest, it was quite hard to think of something because I wanted it to be unique – not something he’s had, or is likely to have in the future – so after much thought we [ie: me and Jill] came up with an idea we think is pretty cool, which is why if you buy today’s Nottingham Evening Post and turn to page 24*, you will find the following full page ad :

[Ignore the quality of the image, it’s a copy of a copy, the real thing is razor sharp]

To say I am excited to see his reaction is a massive understatement [it’s a bit confusing because I will have seen it by the time this post is up, however as I pre-wrote it, I didn’t know what it was at the time of writing] … though if he says he would have preferred the money, I’m going to shove it down his ungrateful gob, ha!

Happy Birthday my dear Paul … thank you for everything … you’ve done more than you’ll ever know, but don’t expect anything like this when we turn 50, this was strictly one-time performance, ha

*I know the day is almost over by the time you read this post, but I couldn’t risk him seeing it before he read the paper.

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UPDATE

So the Nottingham Evening Post found the whole thing so amusing that last night they did an interview with me about the idea and featured it on page 3 of the paper.

Yep … I guess that makes me Britain’s first Page 3 Male Stunna!

Fortunately their website doesn’t show the cheesy picture that accompanied the article but you can read it [along with the lovely comments] here.

Paul was absolutely gob-smacked.

I turned up [after buying all the editions from the local shop] at his work with a card and then casually dropped in that he should read an ad that is totally stupid. The smile on his face was sheer magic – even more so when he realised it wasn’t actually a mocked-up copy of the paper, but an ad that was going to appear in every edition of the day … but without doubt the best bit is the Nottingham Evening Post like the story so much, they are doing a follow up article tomorrow so we’re both being photographed later in the day.

It was expensive. It is ridiculous. But he is worth it and it’s gone better than I ever dared hope.

Happy Birthday Paul, hope the day continues to have [lovely] surprisies.

I know the best present I could give you is a days peace, but sadly all I can offer is the promise of not moaning through every mind numbing minute of our visit to my version of [historical] hell.

You lucky lady.

There will be some posts between now and say early Aug [where I hope to god I’ve got things pretty much settled down] but after some of the [albeit] lovely comments, I got the impression some of you thought I would never be doing this again and whilst I know that’s what you’re hoping … the fact is I’d keep writing it even if none of you came on here and slagged me off because it acts as a brain laxative so when I am meetings, I’m slightly less stupid than I would have been without it.

Right, that’s that … I know I said all this in the comments and I know no one really gives a shit [especially my best friend Paul who is kinda relieved his penis will never be in the ‘public domain’ ever again] but I just thought I’d point it out and it’s not because I’m sad and obsessed as my delightful wife claims I am.

There’s a few reasons for this …

1/ I piss off on my ‘deny I’m 40’ birthday tour tomorrow … which means, on pain of death … I will not be allowed anywhere near email/internet, let alone have the time to write anything.

5/ Once I’m back in the capital of communism, I have to give precedence to getting to know my team, my clients and my life – so pissing about on the internet and writing toss will just have to wait.

Now I appreciate all this blog interruption is probably great news to you, for me, it’s a major thing because even though you wouldn’t know it, writing my daily rant helps me think or at least clear my head so I can think … so for the next few months, I pity anyone who has to work with me because no doubt I’ll be even more of a basket case than I usually am.

Saying that, there will be the occasional blog post … I can tell you that there’s already one written for the 12th June [my birthday], 15th June [Jill’s birthday] and the 16th June [Paul’s birthday] and no doubt there’ll be the odd one shoved in every now and then either talking about how I’ve been arrested by the Chinese Government and/or my first impressions of being an employee again [not to mention the results of the A[P]SOTW] … but until then, I just wanted to say a big thanks to everyone for your friendship, insults and advice over the 4 years this pile of toss has been running and even if it means I am a fucking idiot, I look forward to reading your comments/slurs when I’ve finally got a bit settled and this blog is back to being as regular as a man who eats fibre each day.*

When I come back I’ll be 40 and living in China.

God help us all.
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