The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Happy Birthday Paul …
June 16, 2010, 8:59 am
Filed under: Comment

So today my oldest and dearest friend Paul Hill turns 40.

I’ve known him since day 1 and throughout my 4 decades of life, he has always been there – good times and bad – making me feel loved, protected and never alone.

I know that sounds unbelievably gay [and I did once say if he was an attractive woman, I’d marry him] but he is an incredibly special and wonderful person.

Because 40 is a pretty significant age, I wanted to get him something special … something that showed him and told him how much he meant to me, how much I treasure his friendship, loyalty and humanity.

To be honest, it was quite hard to think of something because I wanted it to be unique – not something he’s had, or is likely to have in the future – so after much thought we [ie: me and Jill] came up with an idea we think is pretty cool, which is why if you buy today’s Nottingham Evening Post and turn to page 24*, you will find the following full page ad :

Pauls Ad

[Ignore the quality of the image, it’s a copy of a copy, the real thing is razor sharp]

To say I am excited to see his reaction is a massive understatement [it’s a bit confusing because I will have seen it by the time this post is up, however as I pre-wrote it, I didn’t know what it was at the time of writing] … though if he says he would have preferred the money, I’m going to shove it down his ungrateful gob, ha!

Happy Birthday my dear Paul … thank you for everything … you’ve done more than you’ll ever know, but don’t expect anything like this when we turn 50, this was strictly one-time performance, ha

*I know the day is almost over by the time you read this post, but I couldn’t risk him seeing it before he read the paper.



So the Nottingham Evening Post found the whole thing so amusing that last night they did an interview with me about the idea and featured it on page 3 of the paper.

Yep … I guess that makes me Britain’s first Page 3 Male Stunna!

Fortunately their website doesn’t show the cheesy picture that accompanied the article but you can read it [along with the lovely comments] here.

Paul was absolutely gob-smacked.

I turned up [after buying all the editions from the local shop] at his work with a card and then casually dropped in that he should read an ad that is totally stupid. The smile on his face was sheer magic – even more so when he realised it wasn’t actually a mocked-up copy of the paper, but an ad that was going to appear in every edition of the day … but without doubt the best bit is the Nottingham Evening Post like the story so much, they are doing a follow up article tomorrow so we’re both being photographed later in the day.

It was expensive. It is ridiculous. But he is worth it and it’s gone better than I ever dared hope.

Happy Birthday Paul, hope the day continues to have [lovely] surprisies.

41 Comments so far
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Comment by Will

Pure awesome

Comment by Rob Mortimer

A great idea. Well done mate.

Comment by Mark Hadfield


Seems you got paid even more for cynic than I suspected.

Comment by DH

seems he did the backstabbing, 2 faced fuck.

wish id thought of it.

Comment by andy@cynic

That is fantastic and Paul will prefer it to posts about his penis.

Comment by Bazza

Only you would do something like this. A wonderful gesture of friendship and a man with more money than sense.

Please wish Paul many happy returns of the day and I’ll try and get the thought of you as a ‘page 3 stunna’ out of my appauled mind.

Comment by George

Did you spell ‘appalled’ like that in an attempt to be funny? You failed. Haha.

Comment by Rob

It was an attempt at humour but I accept tiredness may have impaired my judgement.

Comment by George


Comment by andy@cynic

Thanks folks. It’s all gone rather well so far … but the day is still young. Ha.

Comment by Rob

first you write about your adoration of his cock and now this?

fucking gay.
gayer than the bastard love child of freddie gay mercury, ricky gay martin and lets throw in george gay michael for good measure.

what i want to know is how you could afford it? you talked me and auntie into giving away all our cash and yet you obviously managed to filter away enough to pay for this coming out ad. youre mafia through and through you are campbell.

maybe it wouldnt be so fucking bad if youd got me something like that for my 40th but if i remember you got me a fucking album. youll cIaim it was a limited edition, once owned by john fucking lennon album but it was still an album all the fuckingsame.

as I said its gay but its fucking lovely. wish the big twat a good one and i hope his fingers have grown back in time for him to stop trying to give you manlove.

Comment by andy@cynic

that is the cheesiest and most awesome thing i’ve seen since I saw a ‘marry me julie’ sign over the frankston freeway in 1985 😛

of course, it’s also pretty damn sweet of you.

I like that sentiment is just as expensive/valuable to the publication as shit ads about couches.

oh, and happy birthday paul!

Comment by lauren

why the fuck would the paper want to feature your mug not once, but twice? the only reason i can imagine is if its a photofit and even then they should have second thoughts. worlds gone fucking mad. or blind.

Comment by andy@cynic

cor, i wish you were my friend 😛

Comment by Anjali Ramachandran

trust me. you dont.

Comment by andy@cynic

So do I, he got me a soap-on-a-rope. Ha.

Comment by Rob

Rob, you are such a softy!

Happy birthday, Paul. At least you still have lots of hair unlike our mutual friend….

Comment by Maria Leow

who the fuck is maria and why havent we been introduced?

robs come out the closet maria but i am a real man.

Comment by andy@cynic

Leave Maria alone Andy. Not because I love her (even though I do) but because she’s married to some high ranking soldier who could rip your limbs off while boiling an egg.

Hello Maria my lovely … I thought you had better taste/judgement than to come on here but I’m very happy you did. Hope you’re settling into your diplomatic life and send me your new contact details when your underlings have sorted them out for you, ha.


Comment by Rob

you think that scares me campbell? you forget i survived a year being married to #1 and that bitch could make osama surrender and start preaching christianity. but lets not rock any fucking army/marriage boats when i have to pour my fucking money down a fucking drain to fix up a wooden piece of shit that my princess thinks has potential to make a great romantic holiday home for us.

seriously are women forced to drink this mills & boon kool aid shit from birth?

Comment by andy@cynic

Well…Rob…you were kinda fishing for attention on FB. XOXO….still packing and I hate packing. I have way too much junk. Come visit us in New Delhi!

Comment by Maria Leow

Very sweet, but what was your cost per impression? The logo was way too small. And this whole ad is way off brand. x

Comment by Emily

it is off brand for both campbell and hill. its too fucking nice.

Comment by andy@cynic

But Mindshares proprietry tool told me it was an innovative and targeted way to do it!!!

Comment by Rob


Afternoon Boucher.

Comment by Marcus

afternoon lover.

Comment by andy@cynic

An incredible gesture. Happy birthday to Paul and well done to Robert.

Comment by Lee Hill

i think youll find “incredible” is actually spelt “f.u.c.k.i.n.g.m.e.n.t.a.l.l.y.s.t.u.p.i.d.” next time spellcheck before you press “say it” to avoid any unnecessary praise and confusion.

Comment by andy@cynic

EPIC WIN of the highest order. Nice work Rob.

Comment by Age

I like the strategy, but the execution is sloppy.

Comment by Leon

As you know Leon, planners genius ideas are always screwed up by the creative department though in this instance and with the specific target audience, it don’t think it could be any more perfect – let’s hope I sing the same tune at Wieden eh, haha.

Comment by Rob

Speaking of intimate friendship, Marcus and Andy are very close aren’t they?

Comment by northern

Alarmingly close … but don’t be alarmed, you’re still his #1.

Comment by Rob

Consulting the Penguin Book of Freud.

Comment by John

It’ll come under ‘closet homosexuality’ no doubt.

Comment by Rob

i hate everyone equally i just hate planners a fucking bit more equally than everybody else.

Comment by andy@cynic

Pure gold. Belated happy birthday Paul!

Well done Rob.

Comment by fredrik sarnblad

[…] Paul, you have to consider this post your ‘present’, I can’t afford to do the newspaper thing […]

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