The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

One Man’s Horror Is Another Man’s Heaven. [So That Second Man Must Be Mad. Or A Pervert]
August 27, 2008, 7:00 am
Filed under: Comment

Remember my post about WHAT NOT TO WEAR?

It was the one where I showed my horrible red, stripy shitty top to the World.

[It’s also the one featuring Jill’s dress monstrosity but I think it would be in all our interests if I move swiftly on]

Anyway, in a moment of madness – or tightwadship – the very clever [except in fashion] Neil said he wanted it, so in the interests of blogswap [the new craze sweeping errrrrrm, absolutely nowhere] I’ve packaged it up and sent it off.

Given Neil has stupidly said he will proudly wear the thing when it arrives [which might be a while as I’m sure customs will hold it thinking it’s an act of terrorism] I suggest you keep an eye on his blog because it’s not everyday you see a man destroy his credibility in such a public fashion.

Hope you like it Neil … actually I don’t care … I’m just grateful it’s out of my house!

Pop [Bone] Idol …
August 26, 2008, 7:00 am
Filed under: Comment

The Moby's An Inconvenient Resemblance

So I was talking at a conference about technological empowerment [yes, a VERY wanky term] and to prove my point, I wrote a piece of music there and then – using just a keyboard, an Apple Mac and some – admittedly expensive – software called Logic Pro.

Anyway this is what I came up …

[Everything was recorded live, track-by-track, except the voices which were pre-recorded samples. If you are having problems listening to the track, you might want to click here]

Now while I’m not suggesting it is anything amazing – the fact it took me 20 mins to compose, record, roughly mix and download is pretty astounding given back in my days as a musician [which I appreciate was before electricity and trombones!] it would take 2 hours just to mic the bloody guitar amp up!!

The thing is, as much as all this [more affordable] technological power gives people an ability to let their passion/talent/delusions flow, I also think it has the potential to limit creativity.

I’ve written about this issue before, but because computers are only as good as the person using them, you could end up limiting your potential because you’re missing out on the benefits of collaboration and exploration.

It’s abit like scam ads … when you are client, strategist, creative director and consumer you can justify anything you do as being brilliant and effective.

Whilst the idea of being the ultimate dictator may sound good, the fact is when you involve others – people with different skills, talents and opinions – you often end up in far more interesting places, because not only do they bring new ideas into the mix, but they raise everyone’s standards thanks to an air of creative competitiveness.

OK so I’m being a bit of a hypocrite given I’ve just bought a bloody recording studio – but for me computers should be the tools to bring to life what’s in your head, not the place you go for all your creative solutions.

So that just leaves me with the question of why it takes Coldplay so long to record their albums? And don’t tell me it’s because they write/record good music – it might be better than this pseudo-Moby concoction but it’s still total wank.

A Metaphor For How Some Companies Try And Get People To Buy Their Products And Brands …
August 25, 2008, 6:44 am
Filed under: Comment

Remember don’t sell, make people want to buy.

[Which is why you should be conducting genuine research not ‘self justifying nonsense’ and allowing agencies to use their brain, not just their production facilities. Mind you, when you see rubbish like this being publicised like it’s the second coming, you can see why some companies don’t know what to do or who to trust]

Is Burt Reynolds A Dancing Queen?
August 22, 2008, 6:50 am
Filed under: Comment

Sorry for the pathetic blog headline. I must admit I hate titles like that – it’s all very ‘shock-jock’, designed to illicit outrage and reaction – and I promise I’ll do better next time.

Hmmmmn hang on, maybe that has come out wrong.

I’m not suggesting the title of this post will cause mass condemnation – I mean lets face it, it’s pretty tame – I was referring to post that have titles like ‘All dogs should be destroyed because all dogs are potential violent killers’.

Jesus, what am I going on about?

It’s not like you care … hell, even I don’t really give a shit.

Anyway the point of this post [or attempted point] is that having read Mr M’s rant about male hair protection, I saw this ad in Hong Kong …


There are so many things I love about this ad …

Of course the headling, ‘DANCE WITH HAIR’ is my absolute fave bit. I mean, how bloody genius is that?

I would kill to know how they came up with that line.

Did it come from quite possibly the greatest male haircare insight ever uncovered … or was because the copywriter was drunk and had Dancing With The Stars on in the background?

Then there’s the fact the bloke in the ad is wearing a bloody hat.

Surely an ad talking about dancing with hair should feature a man … errrrrm, dancing with hair?

Maybe that’s why they got the bloke to do some Michael Jackson, circa 1984, dance move – fuck with people’s head so much that they can’t work out what is going on.

Of course there is one answer that could tie all this madness together … the company behind this ‘hairloss treatment’ is a HAT MANUFACTURER.

Lets look at the facts …

Las Vegas

1 They talk about DANCING WITH HAIR – but they don’t actually say you will be dancing with MORE hair

2 The ad features a man WEARING A HAT when there’s no real point to it

3 Their ‘tagline’ – HAIRLOSS HELPER – is so ambiguous it could be for anything, from hair treatment, to hats to pillow stuffing companies

4 A hat can cover male baldness just as well as a wig [though you look abit daft wearing it in bed]

So when when you connect all the clues, you start to realise this may not be one of those shitty Asian ads [which is just like those shitty Western ads] it could be an example of real creative and strategic genius – the sort of thing that should win an Effie, not just acclaim on my highly regarded [cough, cough, splutter, splutter] blog.

Hell, despite having been a baldy-bastard for so long that I can’t even remember having hair, I might call them up myself …

Brrrrrring Brrrrrring …

Brrrrrring Brrrrrring …

Brrrrrring Brrrrrring …

“Hello, is that the Hairloss Helpers?

I said, is that Hairloss Helpers?

Do you speak English?

Does anyone there speak English?

OK I’ll wait …


Hello? Do you speak English?

Cool, is this the number for Hairloss Helpers?

It is?

Brilliant … I was wondering if you could help me …”

[Cut to a calender with the pages being ripped off to denote time passing]

Oh my God I cannot tell you how much better I feel.

I feel alive …

I feel free …

I feel like I want to dance …

Shit, it really does work!!!

This Isn’t A Case Of ‘Can You Spot The Differences’, This Is More A Case Of ‘Can You Spot Any Difference’ At All?
August 21, 2008, 6:55 am
Filed under: Comment

If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, Droga5 must fucking love the guys behind the 2005 British television series, ‘Man Stroke Woman’!

Sour grapes?

Not really, you see whilst I genuinely believe the campaign we were ready to launch after our initial Symphony spot, was miles better than this [but I would say that wouldn’t I, plus this ad is for a VB variant called ‘Gold’ rather than the masterbrand] … I really like and rate Droga5.

I suppose what’s really pissed me off about them putting out work so obviously ‘inspired’ by someone else is …

[1] it undermines the value and creativity of the whole industry – especially when it’s from a company who are regarded as one of the shining lights of adland

[2] it undermines how great Droga5 can be – and they can be really, really great.

I know I’ve been threatening to show the work we were going to make before certain senior advertising executives at an international network went completely fucking mad and pissed off Fosters, but now is not the time …

Saying that, despite the fact our new strat didn’t really get to see the light of day, I am pretty bloody proud our only involvement with the brand led to one of VB’s most dramatic shifts in communication for about 40 years – however as I explained here – it wasn’t change for the sake of it, it was about getting the brand away from it’s ‘shorts and singlets’ image and back to the values it [and Australia] was built on.

Jesus, can you hear us slapping ourselves on the back?

This is not meant to be a piss off Droga5 – as I said, I think they are really great and I have friends that are there – it’s just that this is not them at their best and I hope in future they let the brilliance flow from their brains, not their DVD collection!