As many of you know, over the past 2 years, I’ve got relatively fit.
Or said another way, I’ve lost 54kgs.
And while diet has played a huge part to play in this achievement, it’s exercise – specifically walking/running – that’s been the safety net in keeping it off.
I don’t mean that in terms of losing weight – though it has obviously had an impact – I mean it more in being able to consume more calories than my 1675 daily allowance, while still maintaining an overall calorie deficit.
I cannot tell you how much I appreciate that … because whereas the first year saw me being almost pathologically focused on not exceeding my calories, carbs or sugars allowance, now I can be a little looser, safe in the knowledge that exercise will keep things in overall balance, even when I scoff the occasional ‘calorific’ meal.
Anyway, at the beginning of the holidays I saw this thing called The Conqueror being advertised across social media.
Basically you select a virtual route from somewhere around the World and then – once you’ve paid them some cash – you get given a timeframe to complete ‘the walk’.
What makes it work is not just that every step you take in the real world gets translated onto the virtual map on your phone … nor is it that at every ‘checkpoint’, you get a postcard that details the history of wherever you have just reached or walked through … it’s not even that each time you hit a checkpoint, they will plant a real tree in your honour … it’s that once you achieve the route, they send you a real life medal.
And, as you can see from the pic above, they’re impressive.
Full Metal. Very Colorful. Properly Distinctive.
Sure, you’ve paid for them.
In fact, you’ve probably overpaid for them.
But they genuinely make you feel you’ve achieved something worthwhile.
And while I am sure there will be people who say it’s a stupid business – I have a different point of view.
Not just because what were the rules of business, are no longer limited to just those rules – which McKinsey are trying desperately to look like they understand given the incredible rise of companies who, based on the consultant models they’ve been flogging for fortunes for years, simply should not work, let alone thrive – but because The Conquerer has been developed to target how people actually behave, rather than how they’re supposed to.
Or said another way, they address the emotional need, not simply the functional benefits.
I know this sort of thing has been done before – hell, I did something like this for Nike back in 2011 – but apart from the fact the tech just wasn’t there back then, the inclusion of an actual medal that people would actually want to own, is a game changer. So much so that I believe they can truly make someone who doesn’t walk much, to walk more.
Which is fucking impressive when you think how much money sports brands have spent trying to get people to ‘just do it’.
But in my case, I do walk.
A lot.
Which is why – in just over a week of my holiday – I achieved this:
That’s right … while everyone else was scoffing down chocolates and turkey like they were going out of fashion, I was out walking 534.5 kilometers and picking up 4 fancy pants medals.
Which helps explains why I may have won, but I also was a fucking loser – hahaha.
Filed under: 2026, America, Auckland, Cars, Christmas, Colenso, Comment, Music, Police
Before I start, I got a few emails yesterday telling me they were surprised this blog had restarted on the 12th, when I had previously stated it would be the 19th. I noted they didn’t say they were ‘pleased’ this blog had restarted – but it also shows some people still read it. Or at least pop by to still hate it.
I have no idea why I decided to kick things off a week early other than maybe actually feeling so rested I forgot.
My relaxation is your early 2026 pain. Or something.
Talking of pain …
Full disclosure. I have never had as many speeding tickets in my life, as I have had in NZ.
That is not – contrary to what my colleagues think – because I drive like a lunatic, but because speed cameras in NZ are triggered faster than Trump watching a late night TV show.
Just to reinforce that, I have been driving 39 years and in all that time, I’ve only ever had 2 actual penalties put on my license.
One in 1988, for going 7mph over the limit at 9pm on Loughborough Road in Nottingham.
One in 2025, for going 11kph over the limit at 9pm on the way home from our Christmas party.
Obviously, I have some sort of problem with 9pm.
Anyway, the most recent points on my license was – as I say in the title of this post – because of Kim Wilde.
For those of you who don’t know who she is, she’s a 1980’s British singer.
She comes from a musical family and had a bunch of hits in that decade.
Over the last 20 years, she reinvented herself as somewhat of an expert horticulturalist, albeit coming out to perform the odd show here and there.
Interest in her was reignited a few years ago when – coming back from a Christmas party with her songwriting brother – someone took a video of her singing her biggest hit, Kids In America – while drunk on a train.
And it is this particular song that got me the speeding ticket.
To help explain it, you have to hear it … so this is Kim, back in 1981 singing the song that gave her a career.
Yes, I know it’s 45 years old, but it’s still good … or it is, if you play it VERY, VERY loudly.
And that’s exactly what I was doing driving back from the Colenso Christmas party thanks to a random playlist on Spotify.
It was at that point, I passed a Police car driving the opposite way when suddenly, I saw them pull a u-turn and watch the lights go on.
Could they be on their way to apprehend a serious criminal?
Errrrm, no.
They were on their way to apprehend a man – who had thankfully, changed out of his work Christmas party outfit of festival girlie – driving 11 kmh over the limit while singing an 80’s song at the top of his lungs.
To be fair, it was probably the singing more than the speeding that caused his to stop me … which is why I pulled over immediately and accepted full blame and punishment.
The copper – who seemed to only be about 12 years of age – was so surprised at my eagerness to acknowledge my idiocy that he apologized for giving me a fine and points.
I did consider explaining that it is it humanely impossible to listen to Kids In America quietly and drive slowly … but frankly, it was worth it.
So thank you Kim, for a few minutes you created a time machine and took me back to when I was a boy racer. Albeit more mild, than wild these days.