The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

The only thing more amazing than that is that it means she has been gone a decade.

The irony is that while Mum is always in my life, it’s the anniversaries – specifically birthdays and death – where her absence is more of the focus.

And what an absence it is.

I’ve talked a lot about her generosity, but what was so amazing about it was how she expressed it in a multitude of ways …

Time, patience, open-mindedness, forgiveness, resilience, encouragement … it was all on offer, all of the time.

She had the ability to acknowledge her perspective was always just that – hers – and so disengaging from that allowed her to listen, learn, understand and grow from people expressing their realities.

That didn’t mean she always agreed with what she heard, but she did always give the space, environment and conditions that allowed others to show, share and say what they felt and believed.

It was a superpower to be honest, and one – as I grow older – I feel is even more important than ever before.

She’d be aghast at where the world is right now.

Growing up in Italy during World War 2 – with her family as part of the resistence – her sense of righteousness was cemented early and deeply, but now …

Well, decency has gone out the window.

I don’t just mean in the obvious ways … but the small.

People not bothering to respond to you.
People always having self interest in every action and interaction.
People believing their needs and contexts trump everyone else’s.

But Mum was not like that. If anything, she was too much the other way.

Everyone liked and respected my Mum because she gave them 3 things regardless of situation, context of background.

Time.
Respect.
A desire to understand rather than judge.

This last point is especially important because, as I wrote in 2017, even the military and police have understood the power of nonjudgmental understanding as a potent interview technique.

The point is, we hear all these politicians, businesses, celebrities and Linkedin luminaries bang on about how they have the solution/system to sort everything out … and yet I’ve not heard one of them talk about the importance of time, respect and an environment for understanding rather than judgement.

Which is why I can’t help but feel, one of the key reasons we’re in the state we’re in is because of this decade of absence.

Mum, I love you.

Happy, happy 93rd birthday.

I hope you’re with Dad, holding hands and I hope you’ve never been missed so much and by so many as you are today.

Big kisses and hugs.