The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Of course, given no one reads this blog anymore, no one will even notice let alone care … however, as [1] we get our puppy, Bonnie, this weekend and [2] I immediately head overseas for all of the following week for work – I feel a more humorous post may help offset the dark cloud that will hang over my home when my wife realizes she has to look after the dog all by herself while her husband is out having nice dinners, even though I will be working very, very hard. Honest.

Anyway, this also explains why there will be no blog posts next week because I’ll be spending whatever free time I do have apologizing to my family or something.

So back to the post …

A long time ago, I was asked in an interview with an ad mag, ‘what would your personalized say?’ My response was something along the lines of, “if I had a personalized number plate, it would say I was a dick”.

I still stand by that, but I have to say I’ve seen a few in NZ that has made me almost consider changing my view.

Not because they’re smart.

Not because they’re cool.

But because they’re blatantly assholey.

Back in 2023, there was the Slayer plate … on a Suzuki Swift … which was an act of either pure fandom, or total delusion.

Then, just down the road from where I live, there’s this …

TOPGUN!!!

Let’s be honest, if it was on a supercar it would still be tragic, but on an Audi, it’s criminal.

I’ve never actually seen the owner drive it, but I hope to God they wear Aviator sunglasses when they do.

But maybe there’s something about Audi drivers – not to mention people who live in Birkenhead, where I live – because I recently also saw this …

While I give them extra marks for writing D3VL in red – is there anything actually devilish about an Audi beyond the standard of driving that their owners typically demonstrate on the roads?

But all those are – let’s face it – still pretty tame, which is why I saved the best for last.

A car whose owner doesn’t give a fuck.

About anyone.

Who proudly announces to anyone in front or behind them, they are being judged.

Negatively.

Who could probably start a road rage incident in an empty car park.

No doubt an empty car park located in Birkenhead because – you guessed it – that’s where I also saw this.

Ladies and gentlemen. Boys and girls. Let me introduce you to the winner of the best assholey personalized number plate of the year …

Offensive.
Aggressive.
Judgmental.
Memorable.

It’s absolutely brilliant … made better that:

It’s a fair assessment of 99% of Auckland drivers.
it’s on an old Toyota Corolla, making it the equivalent of the grumpiest of old men … on 4 wheels.

I love it.
It made me laugh out loud.
And while I’m sure that would deeply upset the owner of the car, for me it’s the perfect personalized plate.

Because what’s the point of having a plate that says who you are, when you have the opportunity to say what you think of everyone around you.

See you in a week.