Filed under: Advertising, Agency Culture, Attitude & Aptitude, Complicity, Corporate Evil, Corporate Gaslighting, Fear, Prejudice
A few years ago, I wrote about the worst experience of my career.
I wrote how it threatened to completely undermine me.
Do permanent damage to me.
Rob me of my self-belief and confidence.
So my abuser/s had more power and control.
All while making me feel it was my fault so that the shame kept me quiet and complicit.
And I wrote about how it was only when I discovered I was not the only one going through this behaviour that I was free to see what it actually was.
Abuse.
An act of deliberate, professional violence.
Which led me to start Corporate Gaslighting, where I was then flooded with stories of more people going through the same thing.
All of those stories were hard to read, but one stuck with me.
In essence, it’s the story of someone who felt they couldn’t leave their abusive job because it might look like they’ve failed to people on Linkedin.
People may not understand that attitude, but it’s real … which is why the summary of the post, ‘sometimes changing job is not about growth, but mental health’ is one that still rings loudly in my ears.
I say this because I spoke to a friend recently who is going through a version of this.
Believing that because they’re well paid, it would be stupid to leave – despite the continued, systemic abuse they take.
I too was in that situation at one point in my life, which is why I was able to tell them something that [hopefully] helps them acknowledge what they already know – which is:
“How can you say you’re being paid well, when you’re being paid to accept illness?”
Illness in terms of your mental health.
Illness in terms of the loss of self-respect.
Illness in terms of seeing your confidence and wellbeing be shattered.
There’s a moment in some organisations where you realise the salary you receive is not for your talent and expertise but to be complicit to managements bad behaviour and/or accepting of the abuse they subject you too.
Now I appreciate some people will have less sympathy for someone earning a good salary and facing abuse than someone without the safety net of cash.
I get it … but you’d be wrong.
Because while certain contexts are different, the destructive impact is the same.
The feeling of being trapped.
Lost and helpless.
Paralysed.
Reinforced by feelings of it being all your own fault … that you’re not good enough and you’ve let everyone down.
An endless cycle of being taken apart piece by piece.
And while you may think all they have to do is leave, it’s almost impossible.
Because you feel shame.
Embarrassment.
Believing you’ll never work again because you’re not worthy of being hired.
So you just sink deeper into your shell and take their shit.
Systematically being stripped of everything that makes you, you until the abusers have had enough playing with their power and decide to kick you to the curb … resulting in you feeling even more alone. More isolated. Which you keep to yourself because you have been made to feel it’s all your own doing.
And while you may think an alternative approach is to try and prove to your abusers you are good enough … you’d also be wrong. Because apart from the fact that being respected by people you don’t respect means you’ve still lost … the only way to ‘win them over’ is to be just like them.
The reality is no job should cost you your health.
None.
Salary is not about ownership or control.
Which is why being paid ‘well’ is more than what you get, but how you’re treated.
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I’m travelling for work for the rest of this week so there’s no blog posts till next Monday. Try not to be too upset. Actually, can you try to be a little upset … that would satisfy my delusion and make me all together happier. Ta.