The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


The Fine Line Between Chocolate And Dog Shit …

As far as I know, that ad – at the top of this page – is real.

Let me say that again, Blackburn Council made an ad that said little girls – but apparently not little boys – may mistake dogs shit as chocolate and may eat it … making them go blind.

Blind!

And to make sure there was no misunderstanding, Blackburn Council thought it was fine to show a photo of a little girl, sat near a dog shit with dog shit brown all over her face and mouth.

What. The. Fuck. Were. They. Thinking?

There are so many problematic things with this I don’t even know where to start. More than that, I don’t know what could have led to them going with the full nuclear option.

Did a little girl eat dog shit thinking it was a Mars Bar?

Did a member of Blackburn Council drop their Mars bar on the grass and wants to ensure no one eats it while they look for it?

Are dog owners in Blackburn feeding laxatives to their dogs so they can have a competition with other dog owners in Blackburn to see who can get their dog to shit the most, with added points for it resembling a chocolate? To be fair, if a dog could shit like an After Eight mint, I’d be prone to award them bonus points for that.

Are parents just dropping their young daughters in the park and leaving them to fend for themselves till they’re back from work?

Do little girls in Blackburn suffer from a rare disorder where they can’t distinguish the small of dog shit with the smell of food?

Is it a guerrilla ad from Specsavers Blackburn to encourage more eye tests?

Are they trying to enter the Effies and win an award for being able to proudly state ‘not one little girl went blind from eating on dog shit’?

Are dog owners in Blackburn just a bunch of sick bastards?

I literally don’t know how they got to this point.

I want to know.

I demand to know.

Because while Blackburn Council may think they’ve made an ad to communicate to dog owners about clearing up after their pet, what they’ve actually done is ensure no one will ever visit Blackburn again. And DEFINITELY never buy any chocolate from the shops.

Extraordinary.

And with that, I leave you with a photo of this …

While the people who read this blog just see a sad man with a [fake] dog shit on his head.

And probably want to make endless comments like ‘shit head’.

To someone at Blackburn Council, they see the potential of a little girl … sat in a park … without parental supervision … mistaking it for a sad man with a Milky Way on his head.

Mind you, if it was a Turkish delight, they may have a point.

Because that perfumed, dark pink jelly chocolate rubbish always tasted like shit.


19 Comments so far
Leave a comment

what the absolute fuck?

Comment by andy@cynic

I know. I bloody know.

Comment by Rob

yesterday you were shitting on adwanker gurus and today youre writing about shit.

Comment by andy@cynic

Shit is my consistent theme. Mainly in my writing.

Comment by Rob

blackburn. shithole. literally.

Comment by andy@cynic

Speechless.

Comment by Mary Bryant

campbells bollocks makes people feel that way.

Comment by andy@cynic

Completely agree with you Mary.

Comment by Lee Hill

This can’t be real?

Comment by DH

have you been to fucking blackburn?

Comment by andy@cynic

Apparently it is. But it shouldn’t be, Hahaha.

Comment by Rob

Bizarre. Placing the blame on the child when they’re trying to address the dog owners. And making the child look crazy too.

It’s not like the people who have been blinded were active eaters – they simply got some bacteria on their hand which was then transferred to the mouth.

As for that photo of you. My eyes, my eyes.

Comment by John

Isn’t blame throwing a classic government move?

Comment by Rob

The only thing worse than this story is your photo. Why Robert? Why?

Comment by George

Because of the shit on his head or just because of his photo?

Comment by DH

Long story. But it was highly effective.
It was also in Amsterdam, where this sort of thing is normal. Kinda. Ha.

Comment by Rob

You have a lot of “long stories” to explain unique outcomes.

Comment by George

He doesn’t do short stories.

Comment by John

FTW

Comment by DH




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