The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Since When Has 12 Gone Into 54?

Yes I’m back.

I can’t say much about the papers I judged except that the posts I’ve written about past entries I’ve judged still seem insanely relevant.

[Like this or this]

So let’s get back to that blog post title.

What the hell am I talking about?

Well, it’s not another demonstration of my terrible maths skills, it’s actually about toilet paper manufacture Charmin, who claims 12 rolls of their loo paper is the equivalent of 54 other brands rolls.


Look, I get they have a few more sheets than other brands, but the equivalent of 42 rolls?

Are they having a laugh?

Even when I look it up, I can only find this:

Ultra Charmin Ultra Soft Toilet Paper 12 Mega Rolls.Charmin Ultra Soft Mega Roll toilet paper is the softer* way to get clean, in a roll that lasts longer**. It has comfort cushions that are softer and 75% more absorbent*. You can use less*. Charmin Ultra Soft Mega Roll toilet paper is 2-ply and also septic-safe. We all go to the bathroom, those who go with Charmin Ultra Soft Mega Roll toilet paper really Enjoy the Go! (*vs. the leading bargain brand, **Charmin Double Roll)

Even this doesn’t explain it … and even if it did, I’d say they’re talking about their ‘double roll’ range which surely would mean it’s the equivalent of 24 rolls rather than 54.

To make matters even more confusing is that if you look the brand up on Amazon, it say’s 12 rolls is like 48, and while that is also obviously bollocks, at least the maths would make it sound sort-of plausible.

But whether it’s 48 or 54, the bit I don’t get – apart from how they are even claiming this – is that if each ‘mega roll’ is the equivalent of at least 4 other rolls combined, how the hell do they still fit on toilet roll dispenser?

I cannot tell you how much this is bothering me.

What am I missing???

Is this a future effectiveness award winner or an Enron contender?

Answers gratefully received.

22 Comments so far
Leave a comment

the perfect fucking subject for this shit blog.

Comment by andy@cynic

you got 2% in a maths exam. you wouldnt fucking understand.

Comment by andy@cynic

I didn’t fail math and I still don’t get it.

Comment by DH

Thank you Dave. What are they going on about???

Comment by Rob

I don’t want to know how they worked out they “clean better”.

Comment by DH

I wonder if that’s how they’re claiming their stats? That is shit literally and metaphorically.

Comment by Rob

You ask what you’re missing. The answer is “a life”.

Comment by DH

You’re right. Reinforced by the fact I’m commenting on my own blog while sat at LAX waiting for another early morning flight.

Comment by Rob

youre not fucking coming back to nyc are you?

Comment by andy@cynic

You’re safe. I’m going to Boston though with the expected snow hell, who knows if I’ll be able to get there.

Comment by Rob

Boston FTW.

Comment by DH

12 into 54 is not that difficult, it means each roll is the equivalent of 4.5 rolls. What is difficult is working out how they calculated each roll is so much bigger than the competition.

Comment by George

They seem to be using the 75% more absorbent as their rationale for delivering 54/12 toilet roll value. Just writing that makes me feel queasy.

Comment by George

so they must be targeting people whove eaten a vindaloo and are posing rusty water out their ass for hours. thats some niche fucking marketing.

Comment by andy@cynic

Brave and revolting claim.

Comment by Lee Hill

A strong start to the week, Robert. One can only wonder where we will go from here.

Comment by Marcus Brown

not that fucking hard to work out. ⬇️

Comment by andy@cynic

and yes i used an emoji. fuck you all.

Comment by andy@cynic

If you look her, all will be apparent. Their claims are a load of alignment with their brand purpose

Comment by John

If you scroll down, you will see that in their world 12=54, 18=72, 24=54 and of course 30=68. How to destroy your credibility by assuming the customer is even dumber than they really are.

Comment by John

I’ll bite. And take your question seriously as well.

One assumes they mean you can use fewer ‘sheets per poo’. Hence the multiplier effect. Fair enough, you might think. But there are other limiting factors at work on how few you can get away with.

With any soft tissue, there’s always the dreaded risk of finger ‘poke-through’. An absolute dread for many. (Jeremy Bullmore, wrote about doing research on this, back in the 1960s).

When I was a kid, my mother always bought Izal brand ‘hard’ paper exactly for that reason. It was like wiping your arse with tracing paper, but your fingers never got shitty.

TL;DR: People do weird things for even weirder reasons..

Comment by Ian Gee

We had that tracing paper toilet paper at our school. I like to use it as a metaphor for change management – it never cleaned just smeared the shit around.

Comment by Marcus Brown

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