The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]


Know Your Audience …

When the internet first started, you often found your inbox full of ‘newsletters’ from companies who had sent you stuff simply because you once showed an interest in what they were doing.These newsletters invariably talked about what the company wanted you to be interested in, rather than what you were interested in – which is why they would often end up in the trash, without even opening them.

To be honest, I thought the worst of those days were over, but then last week I received this …

Now, as I am sure most of you know, I don’t drink alcohol.

Nothing.

In fact, not a sip of alcohol has passed my lips since NINETEEN EIGHTY FIVE!

That’s 32 years … longer than some of you have been alive … so putting aside the fact I never showed an interest in this company, the opening 2 sentences of their ‘personalized email’ has 2 major mistakes:

1. It’s not perfect for me.
2. Which is why it’s hard to get hold of me.

So while I like my colleagues and I especially like them when they’re drunk so I have more embarrassing shit to have on them, I wouldn’t buy this for myself – or them – which suggests that the ‘newsletter tsunami’ that I thought had died a long time ago, is not only alive and well … but has evolved to pure business scam, which is hardly likely to make me trust them, even if they had something I wanted.

I can only imagine they were drunk when they put me on their newsletter list.

That or they’re fucking idiots.


20 Comments

they might not know you but they sure as fuck know what you drive your colleagues to do after 3 minutes in your company. brilliant fucking targeting.

Comment by andy@cynic

hang on, youre saying youve not had booze since you were 15. theee years under the legal age of boozing in the uk. this might be the best thing ive ever heard about you. you were so much fucking better when you were younger.

Comment by andy@cynic

Finally, something to respect about Rob.

Comment by DH

Well I am from Nottingham.

Comment by Rob

best fucking tourism ad for nottingham ever.

Comment by andy@cynic

#Undirectmarketing

Comment by DH

Is it a surprise that a direct marketing campaign didn’t know who they were talking to? If memory serves me, you’ve written about this many times. No, the big news in this post is what Andy said, you gave up, GAVE UP, alcohol when you were 15. I feel I knew this but for some reason the scale of this revelation has only registered with me today.

Comment by George

You’re right, it’s not new news, I’m just amazed they still do it.

As for my drinking, you knew this so what it says is you’ve never actually listened to me. Thanks, thanks a lot.

Comment by Rob

You’re in the “will buy anything” category. That’s why you get these offers.

Comment by John

You’re right. If it had wifi he’d have bought it in a flash.

Comment by Bazza

You’re wrong. It would need wifi AND bluetooth for me to buy it.

Comment by Rob

So they send beer offers to someone who doesn’t drink and I got an email for birkenstocks that I’ll never, ever wear.

Comment by Bazza

You’re a closet birkenstock freak.

Comment by DH

I’m getting bloody social ads about Queen albums now I’ve admitted to like one, JUST ONE, Queen song

Comment by northern

Best Christmas present ever.

I’d comment but your blog now requires passwords and I can’t remember any of them. Smart move.

Comment by Rob

you fucking sellout.

Comment by andy@cynic

thats aimed at northern casanova, everyone knows campbell sold out fucking years ago. basically when he stopped drinking.

Comment by andy@cynic

This one track is the selection to a golden rule, Queen are beyond dreadful

Comment by northern

You make a good point Robert but that does seem a good offer.

Comment by Lee Hill

Rob’s version of a good offer is not what most people think is a good offer. That’s why he’s a boom to anyone on kickstarter.

Comment by DH




Comments are closed.