Filed under: Embarrassing Moments
So when I was at home cleaning out my Mum’s house, I came across all sorts of stuff.
From every birthday card I had sent my parents.
To old diaries.
To old photos.
And to old letters.
Not love letters. Not family letters. Just letters.
God knows why I/Mum kept them, but as I was chucking them away, I came across this:
Yes, it’s a rejection letter from a bank.
A BANK!!!
An organisation that takes anyone so they can pile mountains of debt on their life.
OK, so this was 1991, but even then, it was pretty rare.
What’s worse is that it wasn’t for a credit card … oh no … it was just to open an account.
That’s right, I got denied the ability to open a bank account.
How bad is that!
Well it gets, errrrm, badder.
Why?
Because First Direct were my clients at the time so I was literally turned away by people who were paying me to make more money for them.
How mental is that?
I remember when I told them what had happened, they pissed themselves.
Literally laughed in my face.
And they still didn’t sort me out. They did the whole “the computer say’s’ no”, bullshit.
Of course, if it happened now, I wouldn’t be surprised given they’re owned by my banking nemesis, HSBC … however back then, at a time where they wanted to position themselves as the ‘bank that cares about their customers’, it was horrible and gave me an early indication that the relationship you have with your client directly relates to the quality of work you do together.
Filed under: Headphones
So recently I saw the above ad for AKG headphones.
I’m sure they’re very nice, but what the hell is with that massive branding on the outside?
It’s not hard to tell they’re trying to mimic BEATS – a brand that basically reinvigorated the headphone industry – except they’ve mistaken branding for shouting.
Part of BEATS genius is their unquestionable connection to recording artists.
Sure, a lot of it is because one of the founders of the company is a recording artist while the other is a huge record label owner, but it’s still genius.
Now I appreciate AKG have a long connection to sound and studio equipment, but to the ears of the music fan [as opposed to the sound quality seeker], that’s not a necessarily meaningful relationship.
It could be … but they chose not to go that way and instead took the ’short-cut’ and copied rather than defined themselves.
Will it work?
Maybe … but you can be sure as hell they won’t be as successful as the brand who moved headphones from only focusing on sound to moving them into being a part of [music] culture.
As I wrote about GoPro a while back, being part of the culture [and then moving, shaping and provoking it] is much better than simply focusing on the category – because it allows you to go and grow in different ways and places – but to achieve that takes a lot more than simply making some ads and that’s why I think AKG are following the wrong strategy because they not already late to the party, it just feels massively inauthentic … regardless how big they have made their font or how many colours they’ve created for their headphones.
And to prove they’re not genuine about it, I will point you to their line, Awake Your Inspiration.
Look, I get it … music changes your mood and can take you to new [emotional] places.
But let’s be honest, that is hardly a new strategy is it.
Apple did it years ago with their wonderful iPod silhouette ads … but more than that, it fails to represent anything more than a generic attitude towards music, which means that AKG are clutching at straws rather than being in tune with the rhythm of culture.
[Did you see what I did there? Yes, it was rubbish wasn’t it]
It’s kind of sad to see brands like AKG and – as I wrote a while back – B&O seemingly losing sight of who they are and desperately following whatever they think is popular … but on the bright side, they’re not as lost as ‘Parrot’, who claim they have made the World’s most advanced headphone and then proceed to ignore telling you any reason why they are such big-talkers and instead, shoved a picture of Conchita Wurst on the page.
That’s right … Conchita, a person so famous they had to put her name on the ad in case no one knew who she was and even if they did, they would probably say, “why would I take music or sound advice from someone who won the Eurovision song contest?”.
Which is a good point.
Seriously, this category is full of sheep with no bloody ambition or vision of their own which is why regardless what you think of Beats – and there’s definitely a bunch of stuff that is open to debate/ridicule – you have to admire their ability to own, shape and change a market in next to no time.
Full disclosure, I have worked with them so I am a bit biased – especially as my beloved and much missed Jason works there, but I still regard what they did as incredible even though I have a feeling once Apple take full control, it’s all going to be a very different company to the one they started.
Hey, maybe I’ve just invented a new category of advertising, the #blogvertorial … except we all know it’s been going on for years and I’m more likely to be paid by brands to NOT celebrate them than to celebrate them. Bugger.
Filed under: Comment
Over the years, I’ve written how I have a love / hate relationship with Facebook.
To be fair, while Facebook has done some stupid things in terms of privacy, my ‘hate’ is reserved more for the companies and brands who use it than the brand itself.
That said, there is a new thing that is driving me nuts and it’s all those, ‘See Which Celeb You’re Most Like’ “quizzes”.
They are endless.
Find out which character from history you’re most like.
Which city you should live in.
Which footballers wife you should marry.
It’s the lowest form of clickbait and yet every day, a bunch of my supposedly intelligent friends fill my Facebook feed with the answers to the latest quiz they’ve taken.
So I thought I’d see if they would literally take part in any quiz that gives them a moment of escape from their lives, so I created this.
Yes, I know it’s childish … yes, I know it’s petty … and yes, I know I should be doing much better things with my time but I was interested to see what would happen and given I was quickly inundated with emails from friends insulting me, I realised I’d been quite successful in showing how sad and delusional a bunch of my friends really were.
Mind you, given they’re happy to publically associate with me, it should have been pretty obvious how sad and delusional they were.
But why are these things so popular?
Sure, they take a few seconds to do, but the fact they seem to be continually embraced means it’s more than simply ‘passing the time’.
I’m not suggesting people believe what they’re told [though it is amazing how many publish the result with an accompanying text that reads something like, “sounds about right to me”] but I wonder if part of their attraction is that deep down, we all have a desire to feel we are/were destined for bigger, better things and these quizzes give our fragile egos a nano-second of delusional satisfaction.
I could be wrong [and let’s face it, I probably am] but I find it interesting that the people who seem to embrace these questionnaires the most [at least of my Facebook friends] tend to generally be over 35 years of age.
Maybe – and I appreciate I’m clutching at straws here – it all links back to something I wrote way back in 2007.
Basically I suggested that one of the reasons we were seeing a huge increase in drug consumption with the over 30’s [distribution, disposable income and price decline aside] was because when they were at school, they were told that if they studied/practiced/worked hard, they would enjoy a ‘better life’ … however now they’ve hit their 30’s, they see their life is one of painful averageness and so are turning to drugs to momentarily hide/escape/forget/delude themselves from their reality.
Of course there is nothing wrong with living an average life, in some respects it’s wonderful, however if you were told for years by teachers [and parents] you would achieve something special – only to end up living a life similar to what your parents live – it must be emotionally confronting.
They must question all those hours they spent studying instead of playing.
All those hours practicing instead of exploring.
All those hours trying instead of partying.
A childhood lost to a bunch of false hopes and promises.
I tell you, I’m bloody glad my teachers had low expectations for me … no wonder I don’t even drink, let alone do drugs.
Look, I have no idea what the reason is for these quizzes popularity and I’m definitely open to suggestions … in the meantime, I just hope my mates overlook the fact I’ve just called them a bunch of delusional fantasists who have failed in life, though the fact I said I was a friend of theirs probably led people to that conclusion already.
So today is Tuesday.
It is also the 2nd of June.
Now to normal people, those two pieces of information would combine to convey a message of sheer, utter, horror.
Horror that you’re still basically at the beginning of the work week.
Horror that this year is half way through and you’ve still not done any of what you planned.
But I don’t think that way. Oh no.
OK, the horror that another week [for me] is about to begin is there, but for me, June 1st represents the countdown to my birthday.
[I know yesterday should be the official start of the countdown, but I wasn’t here so back the hell off nitpickers]
Yes I know at my age I shouldn’t be celebrating.
Yes I know that the chances of me getting a present I really want is highly unlikely.
But I don’t care … my birthday still gives me a pang of excitement … so while this bit of news is likely to have pushed you over the edge and contemplate slitting your wrists with the blunt ruler that you were given by your office stationary department, I will be spending the next 10 days [my birthday is on the 12th, just to be clear] wondering whether this year will be some of my best birthday years.
Will it beat the time I got my BMX Tough Burner?
What about when I got the snooker table … even though it was a snooker table for dwarfs.
How about the time we went 10 Pin Bowling and then Dad gave us all money to play on the arcades.
Let me dream because we all know in 11 days time, I’ll be sat at home looking at a bunch of stuff for Otis that people [stupidly] think was an appropriate birthday gift for someone WHO IS NOT OTIS.
Jesus, this Monday is depressing isn’t it.
Filed under: Comment
Being told ‘no’ is always hard to take.
But quite often, it’s hard to give as well.
Do you break it to them gently?
Do you give them brutal honesty?
Do you take the cowards way out and write to them instead?
To be honest, there’s never a perfect way [though for me, honesty – delivered respectfully, is the best policy] … however I recently came across a rejection letter that somehow managed to be inspirational, encouraging and funny while also being arrogant, rude and cold.
I know that sounds impossible, even Simon Cowell couldn’t pull that off, but have a look at this:
I don’t know about you, but that’s what I call copywriting brilliance … however in terms of inspirational rejection, I still think this one – from Viz magazine – is wonderful.