The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

It’s not the work they produce, it’s the over–inflated justification, rationale and success they continuously claim that makes me want to kill.

I know planners have an amazing capacity to talk complete and utter bollocks, but when you hear the shit people like Peter Arnell spout in the name of ‘design strategy’, you know designers are in a different league.

Anyway, I recently read an interview with a guy called Kenneth Grange that reminded me not everyone in the design industry acts this way.

OK, given he’s 82 years of age, it’s fair to say he’s hardly part of the modern design scene, however given he’s possibly one of the most influential designers of the past 50 years – even though you probably have never heard of him, as I hadn’t till I read his article – he’s more than worth listening to, if only to remember that designers often create the sort of long-lasting solutions, adland can only dream about.

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GRANGE’S DESIGN FOR LIVING

Kenneth Grange is the most influential designer you’ve never heard of. says Rachel Cooke in The Observer.

The 82year old is determinedly modest about his creations which include such iconic objects as the `968 Kodak Instamatic camera, the Kenwood Chef, the London Taxi [which he remodelled in 1997] and – his personal favourite – the Intercity 125 train.

“I was only supposed to redesign the paintwork” he recalls, “… but for my own amusement I decided to have a go at the shame too. It was a bloody nerve to be honest. If I’d been on the British Rail Board I’d have told me to piss off”.

But the new, aerodynamic shape made the trains more efficient – and 35 years on, they are still running.

Now he’s working on his first chair design.

It will, he promises, be “bloody comfortable … modern furniture is always too low and getting off it is a bugger”.

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If only more people in design – and adland – could be more like him, both in terms of his ability to create inspirational, iconic and effective work and his wonderfully down-to-earth and modest attitude.

Mr Grange, I salute you and I hope the design industry bow down to you.

Now while this is bad news for some, aren’t these the same people who – the DAY BEFORE THEY CRASHED – claimed ENRON was a AAA+ rated stock?

In other words, as safe as houses.

Big houses.

Wrapped in steel and on nuclear bomb proof stilts.

And if that wasn’t bad enough, they said – and did – the same thing with Bear Stearns.

AAA+ rating. As safe as the safest thing on earth.

Except it wasn’t.

Again.

And let’s not forget these are the people who used as their defense in the ENRON/Bear Stearns scandals – as seen in the awesome documentary, The Inside Job – that their information is only a ‘point of view’ and is not an meant to be treated as an indication of what may or may not happen.

SO WHY THE FUCK DOES EVERYONE KEEP USING THEM AS A BENCHMARK?

HOW THE HELL ARE THEY STILL ABLE TO OPERATE AND MAINTAIN SOME SORT OF CREDIBILITY IN THE FINANCIAL MARKETS?

Doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes to work out why … and the fact that they have just openly fucked the US Government shows that Obama might be the President of the United States of America, but he’s not running the place.

No, I’m not talking about the ‘Lower Window For Ventilation’ sign … surely the most obvious sign in the history of the World … I’m talking about the one below it, the one that notifies you of fines if you fail to present a valid ticket when asked for it.

As you can see, they say that the penalty for an invalid ticket – or no ticket at all – is 50 quid, reduced to £25 if you pay within 21 days.

Now the thing is, I think this is quite smart.

Whereas so many organisations would say the fine is £25, increasing to £50 if they don’t pay within 21 days, the British Underground service have opted to go the other way.

Why?

Well, accepting there’s the possibility it might just be dumb luck, I’d like to think that it’s because they have recognised that debt accumulation is no where near as much as a deterrent as it once was – which I accept is driven as much by external economic issues as it is their own choices and decisions – so offering an option that seemingly offers guilty parties ‘help and benefit’ if they pay their fines quickly, is possibly more attractive – and likely – than if they went with the opposite option.

Of course, fines that are paid quickly are also commercially more valuable to organisations than going through the hell that is trying to get someone to pay through legal action – so while I have no stats to prove whether this approach is working or even more effective than the alternatives – I think it shows [accidentally or not] that the Underground Transport Department has more understanding of societies current mindset and attitude than many agencies or planners put into the work they produce.

It’s bad enough they charge an extra 10% for using one of the most widely used and accepted cards in the UK [which is at least better than the US, where they sometimes charge more for using cash!!!] however to say it is a ‘convenience charge’ is a bit much because if anything, it’s an inconvenience charge, except I don’t know if that’s more from the perspective of the cabbie or the passenger.

And while I’m ranting, why are London cabs still so expensive?

I know cabbies go through years of hell learning what is called ‘the knowledge’ – but now a driver can be instructed turn-by-turn – thanks to cheap and readily available satnav – to pretty much any destination in the UK, regardless of driving history, how come they are still charging premium prices.

OK … OK … so satnav or not, cabbies still have to undertake what must be one of the toughest tests out there … but given technology has pretty much taken away the need to have a great memory, why are passengers expected to pay to maintain a tradition that is increasingly losing its value and purpose?

Alright, part of me actually loves that ‘the knowledge’ still exists.

At first I thought this was very kind of him, however within 13 seconds of hearing the first speaker, I realised it was possibly the most evil act of revenge I’ve ever encountered.

I can’t remember the name of the first speaker – I can’t even remember the name of the event I was at – however for someone who had a pretty awesome premise behind his speech – he managed to create something so annoying that I literally hoped the small venue would catch fire and put me out of my misery.

And yet it could have been so different …

As I said, the first 13 seconds were promising.

He explained that he was going to talk about what he had had learnt by losing his company approx 600,000 pounds through bad decisions, experiments and projects … however once those 13 seconds were over, it went downhill faster than superman on steroids.

Apart from the fact he was trying desperately to appear funny, cool and blasé – which he wasn’t, on any level – he had filled his presentation with so many sound effects that you were left with the distinct impression he’d just discovered how to do those things in keynote and was determined to shove as many effects in each slide as was physically possible.

The end result was an annoying, disjointed and completely distracting presentation that meant you weren’t sure whether you were supposed to watch the screen or hear his rambling rubbish.

But it gets worse.

Much, much worse.

You see, while he had promised to explain the lessons he’d learnt from losing his company over half a million quid, all he actually ended up explaining was why you’d be better off trusting Bernie Madoff with your business decisions than him.

Seriously, it was that bad.

But what nearly pushed me to the edge of mass murder was the reaction from the audience.

In short, they seemed to like him.

LIKE HIM!

Seriously, their reaction almost single handily make me think this industry is doomed.

OK, so I was surrounded by a wonderful selection of Shoreditch’s finest … all tight trousers, NHS type specs and crazy hairstyles … but even so, I still thought they’d be able to tell the difference between [bad] entertainment and valuable insight.

Of course, being entertaining in a presentation is important, however it tends to be better if you have something valuable to say rather than just look like a bloke who is desperate to have friends. Mind you to be fair, even when he accidentally let something interesting out from his gob [Having a #1 app in the Apple store still lost them tens of thousands of pounds] no one tended to notice its importance because it appears commercial value played very little importance in their lives, even though that is exactly why companies hire them and their employers.