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By the time you read this, I’ll be half way to Japan.
Not only does that mean I could come back glowing green with radiation, but the even better news [for you] is that I won’t be writing any posts until I’m back next Monday!
However, between now and then, there are two very special birthdays happening.
One is today, where my lovely wife turns another year older and yet somehow still manages to look like she’s 25.
BITCH.
Anyway, as it’s her special day, she needs a special present, and that’s why I’m whisking her off to Japan.
The slightly less romantic news [or the good, depending on your perspective] is that the trip was planned ages ago because I’ll be spending 2 days in focus groups – so in reality, what Jill is actually getting for her birthday is a free fight to Osaka, a nice hotel and 48 hours to keep herself occupied.
Hey, it’s the thought that counts isn’t it?
So to my darling wife, happy birthday and I’ll try and make it less shit than we both know it probably will be.
The other person whose birthday it will be while I’m away, is my beloved best mate Paul.
Tomorrow the bugger turns 41 and whereas last year I was with him and did the full page newspaper ad thing, this year I won’t be and he’s getting fuck all.
Sorry.
So here’s to birthdays and blog free days. May they be filled with fun, laughter and peace and bloody quiet.
Ta-ra.
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so let me get this fucking straight.
for your too hot for you wifes birthday, you buy her a fucking robot vacuum cleaner and then take her to japan but leave her so you can attend some fucking focus group shit. is that right?
if she doesnt fucking divorce you or at least smash you in the fucking face thats the best jillyism shit ive ever heard. ex #1 kicked me to the fucking curb for not passing her the fucking jam at breakfast but to be fair to her, i was making her late to see the banker she was fucking on the side.
happy birthday jill. make the fucker bleed.
Comment by andy@cynic June 15, 2011 @ 6:54 amhappy birthday big cock paul. the best present he is given you is staying the fuck away from you.
You forgot #1 was a total bitch who we all warned you about … which is – weirdly enough – almost the identical advice you gave Jill about me. Amazing how neither of you listened till it was too late. Ha.
Comment by Rob June 15, 2011 @ 8:26 amif your insights had been a bit more fucking reliable before i met parasite 1, maybe id have listened a bit more fucking carefully to what you were saying.
your years of planner bollocks lulled me into a false sense of security and ended up costing me a fucking fortune in cash and emotions.
thats another way youve fucking ripped me off. i tell you what campbell, youre fucking good. evil as shit. but fucking good.
Comment by andy@cynic June 15, 2011 @ 8:37 amHappy birthday saint Jill and lucky Paul.
Comment by DH June 15, 2011 @ 7:04 amWhat if the reason Jill is married to Rob is because she was a sinner and this is her penance?
Comment by Billy Whizz June 15, 2011 @ 8:50 amyoure on fucking fire with the insight shit today billy.
Comment by andy@cynic June 15, 2011 @ 9:03 amAnyone else notice Rob’s being a bastard to his wife but kind to Paul?
Wonder if Rob shares a closet with Tom Cruise or has one of his own.
Try and have a happy birthday Jill.
Comment by Billy Whizz June 15, 2011 @ 7:07 amgood spot billy but then the fucker has written a post about missing pauls horse dimensioned cock so this revefuckinglation has been in front of your face all along. campbell would call that insight, id call it not being a thick blind bastard.
sorry jill for turning your special day into a rob is gay newsflash.
Comment by andy@cynic June 15, 2011 @ 7:14 amactually rob is gay and a male chauvinist bastard judging by the presents he got you. you were always 10000 times to good for the fucker. ditch him and take his cash and bollocks gadget collection with you.
Comment by andy@cynic June 15, 2011 @ 7:16 amhope youll feel a glow of hapiness today, jill. im sure therell be things to do to keep yourself in a good mood in osaka.
does your bestie read this blog, rob? anyway, happy birthday to paul as well.
horrible yet fitting picture btw. how apt im going through risk management survey crap tonight. the bigwits worry about brand and image. the risk they see is social media. id say its hilarious if it wouldnt be tragic
Comment by peggy June 15, 2011 @ 7:37 amHe stopped after the ‘penis’ incident. Or maybe it was the ‘I think he might be gay’ incident. But yeah, he’s certainly not a regular reader anymore. Which is in everyone’s best interests I think.
Comment by Rob June 15, 2011 @ 8:27 amShe’ll thank us in the end.
Comment by Billy Whizz June 15, 2011 @ 7:39 amfuck. that comment was supposed to end up one rank higher
Comment by billy's thoughts June 15, 2011 @ 8:01 amI didn’t write that. Sounds like the work of a client type brain.
Comment by Billy Whizz June 15, 2011 @ 8:51 amDodds or Peggy?
of course you didnt write that. its us – your unconscious thoughts. hello.
Comment by billy's thoughts June 15, 2011 @ 7:12 pmHappy birthday to Jill and Paul.
Comment by George June 15, 2011 @ 8:10 amSorry your special day has been hijacked by the juvenile crew.
its the only fucking reason people come here.
Comment by andy@cynic June 15, 2011 @ 8:14 amJill did not get a robot vacuum cleaner for her birthday.
I am not homosexual, nor do I reside in a closet of any kind.
I did write about Paul’s penis and accept I will never live it down.
Comment by Rob June 15, 2011 @ 8:24 amjust a vacuum cleaner then? figures, the only way youd spring for an expensive robot fucker is if you were buying it for yourself.
treat her fucking well today campbell. its the very, very, very fucking least she deserves.
Comment by andy@cynic June 15, 2011 @ 8:38 amI am too scared to say anything except wish Jill and Paul happy birthdays.
Comment by Pete June 15, 2011 @ 8:40 amyou grade a fucking wimp.
Comment by andy@cynic June 15, 2011 @ 8:47 amA “… free fight to Osaka.” sounds like she’s already had
Comment by Ciaran McCabe June 15, 2011 @ 9:38 aman eyeful of uncle Andy’s shite.
Sounds like she deserves better.
Last few blogs were wonderful.
Happy birthday Jill.
Happy birthday Paul.
Disappointed Robert didn’t buy the iVac as presents.
Comment by Bazza June 15, 2011 @ 11:16 amfirst age turns up. then niko makes a fucking appearance and now ciaran and bazza return to the roost. enjoyed your blog break you lazy fucks? good, now get back here and give campbell shit.
Comment by andy@cynic June 15, 2011 @ 11:22 amBest wishes for the day Jill.
Comment by Lee Hill June 15, 2011 @ 2:42 pmhappy birthday boys and girls! hope you have a lovely day. and it’s great to see some of the old crew back.
and bazza, don’t you be joking about that iVac…
Comment by lauren June 15, 2011 @ 3:23 pmSending lots of birthday hugs.
Jemma xo
Comment by Jemma King June 15, 2011 @ 4:23 pmHappy birthday Jill and Paul.
Just a bit sad I could not see the smashing Rob got when he (half) jokingly suggested Jil bake her own birthday cake, on the count of her making the most of her (quite awesome) pastry talents… maybe next year
And if you did not say it, you thought it Campbell..you know you did..
Comment by niko June 15, 2011 @ 4:45 pmJust to clarify – are you watching focus groups or are you in one?
Comment by northern June 15, 2011 @ 9:42 pmIf it’s the former, I thought WK evaded focus like Tom Cruise evades question about sexual orientation
its all gone to shit since campbell joined.
Comment by andy@cynic June 15, 2011 @ 11:19 pmPut it this way, I don’t eat fish but I’ll still go to restaurants that serve it to see how other people do it.
Is that the shittest answer you’ve ever heard?
Comment by Rob June 16, 2011 @ 9:14 amOsaka? No she went of her own accord.
I’m here all week. Fortunately you’re not.
Comment by john June 15, 2011 @ 10:08 pmwith bollocks like that you should both fuck off.
Comment by andy@cynic June 15, 2011 @ 11:20 pmI have a headache. Good afternoon.
Comment by Marcus June 16, 2011 @ 10:39 pmbetter be booze inflicted.
oi campbell, she divorced you yet?
Comment by andy@cynic June 16, 2011 @ 10:52 pmback from ruining your wifes hopes and fucking dreams yet campbell?
Comment by andy@cynic June 18, 2011 @ 6:20 am