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Some of you who read this blog won’t know what a fax machine is. Or if you do, you might not have ever used one.
That fact both blows my mind and freaks me out.
When I first saw – and used – a fax machine, probably before most of you bastards were born, it was like I was in the presence of 28th century technology.
Sure we had phones that allowed us to talk to people anywhere in the World, but this was something that let you send words and pictures.
WORDS AND PICTURES!!!
DOWN A FUCKING PHONE LINE!!!!
IN REAL TIME!!!
AMAZING!!!
Now you might think things like email has made things both more efficient and more user friendly – and on one level you’d be right – but even though email doesn’t need special paper or give you an engaged tone or only let you send one page at a time [which you have to stand over to make sure it goes through], it also doesn’t let you get up to the same sort of mischief fax machines used to let you get away with … like printing a message on a few pieces of paper and then looping them together so they go through the fax machine over and over again resulting in some poor sap at the other end of the line getting pages upon pages upon pages of an obscene and inappropriate message.
Not that I ever did that. Oh no, that was Andy and Julian.
And email doesn’t let you ring your parents from an office in Australia because the company forgot to put the IDD security code on them.
Fax machines do. Well, some of them anyway.
I did do that, Multiple times. Sorry WPP.
So while fax machines may now appear like 18th century technology, they will always hold a special place in my heart because unlike modern technology, they weren’t user friendly or effortless to use, so every time I successful fed a document through it’s weird green glow, I got to feel like I ruled over the technology rather than the technology ruling over me … and while that might sound unbelievably sad, it’s better feeling a slave to the never ending flow of information, requests and demands.
Besides, when you work with tech that’s painful, you look for ways to ‘get one over on it’ which is why loop faxes and international phonecalls got to happen – at least that’s my excuse.
So here’s to the fax machine, one of the gems of technological evolution, even though it never quite received the credit it deserved.
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heres one to the fax machine. i have one and use it occasionally. some people (customer ‘service’) dont have email. or dont want to be contacted that way. probably because they want to extort some dosh from you for calling the hotline or making sure the termination of agreement doesnt arrive in time. i sent last minute brithday greetings via fax before as well. so the AMAZING fax machine is still alive and well. at least at my end.
Comment by peggy June 8, 2011 @ 6:27 amThank you Peggy, nice to know someone out there gets what I mean – before I read the rest of the abuse.
Comment by Rob June 8, 2011 @ 9:02 amSo Andy was an early hacker and not the technophobe you always suggest.
Comment by john June 8, 2011 @ 6:29 amim not a technofuckingphobe or a technofuckingeek, im above all that bollocks by having underlings do all that shit for me.
back then it was tapping numbers into a fax machine and taping pages together to send a wave of curse faxes and now its to get them to find where the fuck the computer making twats have hidden the on button.
but im willing to be called a hacker. its got a nice ring to it and itll make my old it nerd underling jealous because he thinks he was someone special just because the fbi once dragged him in by his sorry fucking arse. amateur.
Comment by andy@cynic June 8, 2011 @ 6:45 amAhhh, there it is.
And calling you a hacker is like calling me fashionable. Sending a continuous stream of abusive faxes is hardly hacking into the Pentagon is it.
Comment by Rob June 8, 2011 @ 9:03 amback before the fucking dawn of time it was fucking exactly like hacking in to the fucking pentagon.
Comment by andy@cynic June 8, 2011 @ 9:10 amonly you, and i fucking mean only you, could write a fucking love letter to a fax machine. thats the fucking equivalent of having phone sex with barbara fucking bush or i should say fucking barbaras bush.
its a fucking fax machine, a piece of shit plastic from yesterfuckingyear. deal with it you fucking weirdo wanker.
Comment by andy@cynic June 8, 2011 @ 6:33 amBarbara Bush? How your mind works is scary. And no, not in a good way.
Comment by Rob June 8, 2011 @ 9:04 amwhat the fuck.
not one but two fuckers posting before me. about a fucking fax machine. and one of them is fucking backing campbell on this shit. if the amount of cash fuckwits were happy to pay for linkedin and skype didnt prove it, this does, the worlds gone fucking mental.
Comment by andy@cynic June 8, 2011 @ 6:36 amgot more things to do than waiting for you to write a comment. apart from that, sure the world is mental. cant believe you just noticed that 😛
Comment by peggy June 8, 2011 @ 6:41 amand im not excatly backing rob on this.
Comment by peggy June 8, 2011 @ 6:42 amyouve got more important things to do than wait for me to write a comment. like wait for campbell to post some bollocks and write your own comment? fuck me is life that empty.
and whats your fucking excuse doddsy?
Comment by andy@cynic June 8, 2011 @ 6:47 amand you didnt call campbell a twat for wrtiting this post. thats backing him in my book.
Comment by andy@cynic June 8, 2011 @ 6:48 amim waiting for my friend to get on skype. whats your excuse? 😀
Comment by peggy June 8, 2011 @ 6:51 amWhat’s a fax machine?
Comment by Billy Whizz June 8, 2011 @ 6:49 amyoure not that fucking young billy boy. if you can still remember when america was powerful, you sure as fucking shit can remember a fax machine. twat.
Comment by andy@cynic June 8, 2011 @ 6:54 amCan I see one in a museum or just at Peggy’s house?
Comment by Billy Whizz June 8, 2011 @ 6:50 amif youre short on cash, id suggest my house. no entry fee. but bring some drink.
Comment by peggy June 8, 2011 @ 6:53 amRun. Peggy. Run.
Comment by john June 8, 2011 @ 7:05 amrun, john, run. i havent had an iq test yet. but i came 2nd at some sports competition in primary school. if i were you id be afraid.
Comment by peggy June 8, 2011 @ 7:18 amare you fucking mad peggy? hes going to totally misread that offer and think youre coming on to him. and telling him to bring booze? fucking madness. hes harmless but you must never fucking ever invite billy round for anything. anyfuckingthing.
sorry billy boy but you know im fucking right dont you.
Comment by andy@cynic June 8, 2011 @ 7:04 amBut she likes me. She really likes me. Like Jemma did until she called the police. But that was only because she was frightened at how strong her feelings were for me.
Sorry Peggy, I don’t do long distance love anymore so I’ll have to look at fax machines on getty images.
Comment by Billy Whizz June 8, 2011 @ 7:13 amim devastated.
Comment by peggy June 8, 2011 @ 7:23 amim not mad. im run out of booze. and the doors can all be locked lol
now where the fuck is my friend. i hate skype.
Comment by peggy June 8, 2011 @ 7:32 amYou’ll always have a special place in my heart.
Comment by Billy Whizz June 8, 2011 @ 7:47 amwhat else is there, in that special place, billy? i hope its not something creepy.
Comment by peggy June 8, 2011 @ 7:56 amMy attorney told me to say “never”.
Comment by Billy Whizz June 8, 2011 @ 8:12 amdoesnt sound too comforting. lets just skip that. but thanks, though, sweetheart 😉
Comment by peggy June 8, 2011 @ 8:25 amnow youre fucking learning.
Comment by andy@cynic June 8, 2011 @ 9:00 amthe use of ‘lol’ is forbidden
Comment by northern June 8, 2011 @ 8:00 pmas soon as you manage to let me record my laughter i might obey that wish rofl
Comment by peggy June 8, 2011 @ 8:22 pmalright, lets talk about fax machines then. i hate my life
Comment by peggy June 8, 2011 @ 7:44 amSome of us still remember Andrew’s infamous faxgate incident. It put me off faxes and fax machines for life.
Comment by George June 8, 2011 @ 8:20 amwhat happened?
Comment by peggy June 8, 2011 @ 8:28 ambest fucking time of his life is what happened.
stop your fucking whinging, it was 10 fucking years ago.
Comment by andy@cynic June 8, 2011 @ 8:59 amHe might have got away with it if he had remembered to switch off the cynic fax ID from printing – though secretly, I think he did remember and just thought it would be more fun to leave it on.
Comment by Rob June 8, 2011 @ 9:06 amwheres the fucking fun in antagonising a bunch of pricks if they dont know who the fuck is doing the antagonising. wimps.
Comment by andy@cynic June 8, 2011 @ 9:09 amoo I used to always wonder as a kid, what anyone would want to use a fax machine for, since email was so much simpler. Now I know. ^_^
Comment by Aditya June 8, 2011 @ 10:27 amoh i know this will make me dreadfully unpopular with andy, but i love that you posted this, rob. i too have a soft spot for the fax machine. when we were teenagers, my best friend and i, both with parents who ran their own businesses from home, used to fax each other notes and drawings and gossip and beautiful letters. i’ve still got lots of them in a shoebox somewhere – probably completely faded from that shit annoying thermal paper rolls. we’re still bestest friends and i swear fax tech made a massive difference.
Comment by lauren June 8, 2011 @ 10:51 ammore sad fucks per comment than any other fucking blog in the pissing world.
Comment by andy@cynic June 8, 2011 @ 11:48 amYou sweet talker you …
Lauren, maybe you, Peggy and me are the ‘sad fucks’ Andy claims we are … however I genuinely have good memories about faxes and I honestly believe that it goes beyond just being able to connect to people in ways that seem basic nowadays, but because we could use the tech [or, as John said it, hack the tech] in ways that enhanced the experience of connection rather than simply connecting.
Does that even make sense?
Comment by Rob June 8, 2011 @ 12:35 pmif you can’t manage to turn your fucking SKPE on then send me a FUCKING FAX.
Morning, luvvie.
Comment by Marcus June 8, 2011 @ 2:59 pmFAX-COMMENT
To: Marcus Brown
From: Rob Campbell
Date: 8th June 2011
Number of pages: 1
Hello!
R
Comment by Rob June 8, 2011 @ 3:09 pmdivvy.
Comment by Marcus June 8, 2011 @ 3:18 pmI only wish printers had evolved at the same speed. I’ve yet to ever own a printer that doesn’t have the attitude of Andy after 10 cups of coffee, no sleep being trapped in a room where Rob is reading him a book on Disruption planning theory…
Comment by Rob Mortimer June 8, 2011 @ 5:44 pmI like a fax machine too… the last office I worked in didn’t have one and it meant I had to scan stuff, then re-size for email. Pain the arse. I also love that because they’re so old and plasticy and basic that there is always this moment of “Did that even work?” after your paper passes through.
+1 for the fax machine lovers!
Comment by Age June 8, 2011 @ 5:51 pmwhere the fuck have you been? campbell “works” for w+k and can spend his fucking days writing total bollocks and youre one of those planner scumfuckers so why the fuck cant you.
and campbell, what the fuck has happened to your weblogbollocks, it keeps fucking things up everytime i write some fucking genius.
Comment by andy@cynic June 9, 2011 @ 12:18 amIt knows it’s you
Comment by northern June 9, 2011 @ 12:30 am