The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Well my lovely friend Scotty [though he probably doesn’t want me to publicly acknowledge that] has pointed me in the direction of one of the best examples of “only makes sense in the mind of the client” brand promotions that I’ve seen in a long, long time.

Play in the Himalaya’s?
Design a fucking golf ball?

WHAT.
THE.
FUCK.

Jesus Christ, they’re flogging a fucking beer. An Australian beer. A beer that comes from a country where men either wear singlets and shorts and talk about the quality of the BBQ, the new Holden V8 or the AFL scores or wear designer threads, drive cars they can’t really afford and pretend they’re somebody the rest of the World cares about when in reality all they’re doing is sitting in an overpriced bar surrounded by British backpackers.

Maybe.

Mind you, I do have to say I love how they’ve dropped the word INDIVIDUAL or UNIQUE about 10,000 times in the body copy. That’s subtle. Seriously, if I wasn’t an advertising professional, I’d never get how they’re trying to subliminally position the beer as the brew for guys who are their own men.

The leaders.
The champions.
The brave.

What a pile of bollocks.

And while I would rather stick hot nails down my cock than get up at 6am to play a round of fucking golf [can you tell I’m not a fan?], I would imagine the game is enjoyed most when you get to play against someone so there’s no use being a unique golf ball individual, if your prize is being flown to the fucking Himalaya’s to basically practice your putting on your own.

Seriously, if I won that prize, it would drive me to drink.

Ahhhhhhh … now that’s not so stupid afterall.

Seriously, this is pants – especially the ‘golf ball design’ entry mechanic – which is why I assume the real reason for this idea is because the brewery CEO likes golf and wants an excuse to be flown up there on corporate expenses.

What next?

Ford offer a ‘spending bonanza at Toys R Us’ promotion or maybe Tesco’s could launch a ‘win a toilet’ campaign where it’s all based on who has made the prettiest pattern wiping their arse?

The only good thing about this pile of shite is that the neanderthal sense of humour of the average Aussie male means that Coopers brewery will be inundated with entries of golf balls that are all made to look like a big, hairy bollock.

Look, I’m not saying promotions should have rational entry mechanics or obvious prizes, but I do think there’s a big difference between imaginative and fucking pointless and this campaign definitely falls into the latter camp. At least on first impressions.