The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

A Promotion Even Salvador Dali Would Think Was Shit …
November 22, 2010, 6:12 am
Filed under: Comment

Remember that post I wrote last week about relevance being in the eye of the beholder?

Well my lovely friend Scotty [though he probably doesn’t want me to publicly acknowledge that] has pointed me in the direction of one of the best examples of “only makes sense in the mind of the client” brand promotions that I’ve seen in a long, long time.

Play in the Himalaya’s?
Design a fucking golf ball?


Jesus Christ, they’re flogging a fucking beer. An Australian beer. A beer that comes from a country where men either wear singlets and shorts and talk about the quality of the BBQ, the new Holden V8 or the AFL scores or wear designer threads, drive cars they can’t really afford and pretend they’re somebody the rest of the World cares about when in reality all they’re doing is sitting in an overpriced bar surrounded by British backpackers.


Mind you, I do have to say I love how they’ve dropped the word INDIVIDUAL or UNIQUE about 10,000 times in the body copy. That’s subtle. Seriously, if I wasn’t an advertising professional, I’d never get how they’re trying to subliminally position the beer as the brew for guys who are their own men.

The leaders.
The champions.
The brave.

What a pile of bollocks.

And while I would rather stick hot nails down my cock than get up at 6am to play a round of fucking golf [can you tell I’m not a fan?], I would imagine the game is enjoyed most when you get to play against someone so there’s no use being a unique golf ball individual, if your prize is being flown to the fucking Himalaya’s to basically practice your putting on your own.

Seriously, if I won that prize, it would drive me to drink.

Ahhhhhhh … now that’s not so stupid afterall.

Seriously, this is pants – especially the ‘golf ball design’ entry mechanic – which is why I assume the real reason for this idea is because the brewery CEO likes golf and wants an excuse to be flown up there on corporate expenses.

What next?

Ford offer a ‘spending bonanza at Toys R Us’ promotion or maybe Tesco’s could launch a ‘win a toilet’ campaign where it’s all based on who has made the prettiest pattern wiping their arse?

The only good thing about this pile of shite is that the neanderthal sense of humour of the average Aussie male means that Coopers brewery will be inundated with entries of golf balls that are all made to look like a big, hairy bollock.

Look, I’m not saying promotions should have rational entry mechanics or obvious prizes, but I do think there’s a big difference between imaginative and fucking pointless and this campaign definitely falls into the latter camp. At least on first impressions.

I don’t know who Coopers agency are [I hope to fuck it’s not TBWA and they are flogging this as part of their ‘disruption’ philosophy] but whoever it is, please note that if you – or anyone at Coopers – stumble across this post, please don’t think “all publicity is good publicity”, because it isn’t.

28 Comments so far
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not sure if its because the fucking dramas of the weekend or its a vintage campbell slag off but this is almost a fucking welcome post to read.

what a pile of fucking wank. someone will justify it. have some data that proves its genius planning insight wank but colouring in a fucking golf ball is as fucking mature as making collages in fucking workshops.

real men dont play golf, they get pissed and never wear a pringle fucking jumper.

kick them campbell. kick them till they bleed.

Comment by andy@cynic

I think they’re doing a good enough job of that themselves Andy.

By the way, excellent ranting – including a ‘Pringle’ jumper in to your bitchfest was inspired. BTW, do you remember Jean Fraiser? She was a planner for HHCL for a very [VERY] short time. She used to go out with the son of the Pringle family and said he was a wanker.

Thought that would make you happy.

Comment by Rob

no so she cant of been hot.

and it doesnt take a fucking planner to work out the son of the pringle family would be a wanker.

Comment by andy@cynic

Most unique.

Comment by John

You’ve just given them the opportunity to say their campaign was mentioned on many blogs in their award show entry video. You’ll probably tweet about it as well when you wake up, so that’s two thank you Monsieur Campbell cards you should be expecting.

Comment by rafik

and award juries are so fucking thick they dont ask to see what the fucking mentions were. seriously, hitler could get a fucking gold if an agency just said his name has been mentioned in blogs, movies, films and history books. twats.

Comment by andy@cynic

I’m with you on this Rafik and Andy.

I must admit I LOVE watching award entires that say “we got mentioned X times on X blogs” because 99% of the time, they are the blogs of the people at the agency and the client and if they’re not, they’re often saying – as this post is – “HAVE YOU SEEN THIS SHIT!”

With the shift that social media and tech has had on the World of comms, maybe it’s time we changed the rules of award entires to either discount this from the ‘proof of success’ metric [which it should never be in anyway] or that more specific information is provided so that you can actually see what has been said about their ‘genius work’.


Comment by Rob

That said, I think it’s important and valuable to develop relationships with the trade journos/bloggers [not talking ad trades here obviously (!) but rather your client industry’s respective ones] and that it should start way before the work is finalised. As opposed to the way it’s done now, i.e, something you just throw at your PR person to mass email when all is finished.

And further still, you’d think the “press” generated from the results the work’s achieved would be more impressive than the ones talking about the ads themselves, no?

Comment by rafik

My golf ball would be square. How much more fucking unique would they want?

Comment by Billy Whizz

enter billy and then when the fucks say youve not won, we can launch a “how fucking unique do you want it” tirade?

Comment by andy@cynic

Count me in – that sounds an awesome idea.

Comment by Rob

I know you’re a believer in work showing the strategy Robert, but this is bashing people over the head with it which is amusing as it’s so generic, you’d think they’d want to keep it well hidden.

Comment by Pete

i want to be different like every other fucker who drinks coopers 62.

62. is that the average age of the golf playing twat who drinks that shit?

Comment by andy@cynic

You’re particularly angry this evening/morning aren’t you.

Comment by Rob

fucking good isnt it.

Comment by andy@cynic

“We’re all individuals…”

‘I’m not’

Comment by Rob Mortimer

coleman rasic is your man

Comment by Dude

For the sake of message consistency, I’m hoping that the prize is only for a single “individual” to go on this trip. Could you imagine being flown (alone) into the middle of cold-as-fuck mountains in middle-of-nowhere HIMALYAS without any of your friends or family and being handed a golf stick and encouraged to go for a hit in the blizzard?


Comment by Age

If the winner drinks enough piss he’ll think he’s with 20 people. Then Coopers 62 won’t have to fly him anywhere because he won’t notice. Clever.

Comment by DH

The ol’ “go to bed with Bo Derek and wake up with Bo Diddley” thing eh. Nice …

Comment by Rob

You are more likely to see me in a tub of Pringles than a Pringle jumper. So you can guess how I feel about this…

Comment by Rob Mortimer

It’s also so off brand it’s not funny. From what I’ve seen they’re veering into dangerous territory. They’ve built an amazing brand and need to ensure they don’t fuck it up.

Comment by Angus

Individuals are never on brand.

Comment by John

I hate golf and I hate golfers, so there’s no point commenting om this stuff.
That said, I’d love a reverse promotion, go mountain biking through Wentworth. That would be funny.

Comment by northern

what angus said +1

i don’t drink beer anymore, but coopers have had a long-standing relationship to awesomeness because they haven’t spread their legs for just anyone. in fact, they only had 3 fucking types of beer for YEARS. and that was enough: pale, sparkling, stout.

dear coopers brewery, i don’t even fucking drink beer, but please don’t start sucking off the rich, white alpha male just ‘cos you think it will get you somewhere. love, lauren.

and where’s doddsy with a post about not alienating those who are your clientele to satisfy those who aren’t?

Comment by lauren

Anyone who has their own personalised* golf ball surely comes under one of three categories only:

1. Unbelievably wealthy
2. Owner of golf company
3. A total twat

*Excluded initials added by cheap plyers

Comment by Rob Mortimer

Excellent – so the general consensus is they’re twats, am I right?

Comment by Rob

fuck me your planning skills are just fucking amazing.

Comment by andy@cynic

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