The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Talking of Easter … I’m officially on holiday till Wed 7th, so unless I’m in hospital having my stomach pumped clean of cream eggs, I’ll see you then.

I bring this up because we have recently been working on a project that aims to identify, define and group key motivational drivers for men so on top of a lot of traditional methodologies, we’ve basically hooked up with a bunch of errrrm, ladies of the night.

Now when I say ‘hook up’ I obviously don’t mean in the ‘experiential’ sense of the word and it’s certainly not because I wanted another excuse to hang out with prostitutes … the real reason is we met Dr. Debby Herbenick – an expert in sexual health practices – who had a theory that the way a man engages in sexual intercourse is a reflection of their inner psyche.

Yes … I know it all sounds mad … but her view is that men who visit prostitutes are not just doing it to fulfil sexual urges, but want to release their deeply held and tightly wound ‘alternate personality’.

So basically over the past few months, a bunch of us have been interviewing prostitutes and – occasionally – their customers, to try and get a better understanding of the emotional aspirations they have as men … emotional aspirations that have little to do with material possessions and all to do with character, values and respect.

The thing that has been the most interesting is the differences we are beginning to see between the ‘unveiled character’ of Western and Asian men.

Now obviously I can’t really go into too much detail because this is all being paid for by a client – however some of the headlines I can say are …

Asian Men Need To Be On Top Again

Whilst Asia is still a predominantly male dominated region – over the last 5 years, there has been a real shift – not interms of attitudes [from men] but interms of opportunities [for women]

With this shift in societal opportunity, more Asian women than ever now feel … or should I say, demand … a sense of equality, seeking out situations and relationships where their personal needs, views and ambitions are not met with ridicule but nurtured.

The interesting element is that in places like Singapore – many of these women are turning to Western men – because they perceive their attitude towards women is more inclusive than exclusive … at least compared to the frame of reference they have for their male national counterparts.

Of course this ‘openness’ is open to debate and I for one, don’t believe it to be true … however perception, as we all know, is reality and this shift towards favouring a Western male has resulted in a divide being created where Asian men are feeling discarded and devalued – something that cuts to the core of their fragile ego.

What we have discovered is that there has been a rise in Asian male visitation to prostitutes – and more interestingly, they are now starting to favour Western women over their more plentiful local counterparts – resulting in dramatic price hikes for Eastern European escorts. [Asia’s prostitutes rate has remained pretty static due to being able to charge higher amounts to Western men]

The information we are getting is that this phenomenon is a result of Asian men wishing to regain a sense of pride and belief in their masculinity because whilst in the ‘real World’ they are seeing Western male dominance in the mating game, this way they can feel they are still superior, powerful, relevant and – possibly more importantly – striking a blow against the ‘Western invasion’.

Western Men Who Were Ugly At School Want Society To Pay For Their Hardship

In essence, if you’re a Western man in Asia, you probably enjoy a lifestyle that is much higher than many of the nationals.

Not only do you have more money and greater opportunities but as I wrote in the section above – you also have more ‘desirability’ to certain females.

What we have found is that men who are – errrrm, less physically attractive – are the ones who play the most games with women.

They tend to be individuals who believe everything in Asia is motivated purely by money so – as owners of a fair amount of it – believe this makes them far more attractive and gives them free reign to act with arrogance because they think/know they will always be in demand and can always find ‘something better’.

This behaviour is a by-product of deeply held insecurities and a reflection that the West places huge emphasis and worth on physical appearance rather than Asia, where business/money is given the greatest level of respect.

Asian Men Want ‘Girlfriend Experiences’ More Than Western Men

Interms of sexual acts – the difference between Western and Asian men is dramatic.

Of course what I am about to say is pretty generalistic, but what we have found is that whilst Western men prefer to dominate their sexual partner [which is in direct contrast to what Asian women feel Western men are like], Asian men – when not using Eastern European prostitutes are looking for much more ‘romantic’ encounters.

This again is a by-product of the shift in both Asian female power and the increased number of Western men in the region … however we were told by many of our ‘in the field’ experts that there has been a significant shift in what Asian men wish to ‘do’, moving from a more dominant role to tender and loving.

Dr Debby believes this change is a reflection of Asian men finding it harder to find partners – again, both interms of a shift in Asian female values and Western men perceived ‘desirability’ – and so they like to fool themselves into believing they are still fulfilling their Asian and filial duty by finding a partner who can help them continue the family name and value system.

BDM Is The Antidote To Responsibility

I know everyone thinks they work hard … however the people of Asia definitely work harder than most.

There are lots of reasons for this … from financial through to cultural … but the by-product of it all is that the sense of expectation and responsibility is almost at bone-crushing levels.

This sense of ‘pressure’ starts very young.

I’ve said it before, but kids basically stop being children at around 7 years of age and then start getting trained / pressured / bullied into fulfilling their parents goal of being a highly paid banker, lawyer or doctor.

Whilst Asia is going through a mini-transformation interms of gender equality, in many areas it still is a male dominated region which is why there is huge pressure on men [both from family, community and society] to be the head of the family interms of money and respect.

What this has all lead to is a growth in the number of Asian men who seek out prostitutes who perform bondage rituals.

Of course not all men are looking to relieve the pressure that is placed upon them through pain-orientated sexual intercourse – hence the increases in activities like alcohol and drug abuse – however since the economic World has started viewing Asia as the dominant force to drive global economies, the level of pressure and expectation has increased exponentially and as such they are seeking more extreme ways to rid themselves of the constantly demanding environment they are in.

We have found that the attraction of bondage is that men get to ‘handover’ control to another … someone who will make decisions for them … which on a temporary basis, is highly desired because in normal life, the ability to ever relinquish responsibility is a social and cultural no-no.

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How amazing is that eh?

What I find really astounding is how your heritage and upbringing has an influence in your sexual position preferences.

Of course not everyone will behave like this – or there’ll be variances in how much it has influenced their ‘choices’ – however whilst we would never suggest this approach is foolproof, it has definitely helped us uncover some startlingly powerful insights into the male psyche as well as validate some views that had previously been identified using the more traditional research methodologies.

I look forward to writing more about this as we [1] get more information and [2] start developing communication based on our findings however until then, I thought you might be interested in watching this video from Dr Debby that explains how you can interpret your sexual preferences into character insight – however if you believe any of what I’ve written, then you truly are deserving of the title april fool!