The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Dirty, sexist, arrogant, bullish, stupid, incapble, one dimensional, small minded, single minded, zero minded pricks.

They are responsible for some of Earth’s greatest disasters and most of the biggest tragedies.

They are a disgusting stain on society and should be banished forever.

What am I going on about?

Well, when I look at how the ad industry and media like to present men these days – that’s how I end up feeling.

Maybe it’s me, but these days it seems 99% of ads present men as complete fucking dunderheads … incapable of cooking, looking after their kids, flushing the toilet, putting in petrol, being sensitive, interested or interesting and it fucks me off.

Look, I know men can be total and utter stupid shits … but it’s not a skill that’s exclusive to the male gender, look at Lindsey Lohan for example.

Of course I am perfectly aware women have had to endure gender assassination for years and years and years … but that doesn’t make it right, it just makes it sad.

Just like there’s a fine line between sexy and sexist [even though Spinal Tap’s Nigel Tufnel doesn’t understand that] I believe there’s a fine line between cheeky and derogatory … which is why I’ll never accept positioning men as the ‘stupid gender’ is any less pathetic than shoving a big pair of tits into the majority of beer commercials.

This isn’t about being politically correct … far from it … it’s just that if you are being continually told you’re entire gender/race is stupid/incapable/pathetic, then it can start to stick and there’s ways to be pro-man/pro-women without having to resort to the puerile and juvenile approaches favoured by so many in adland.

Of course there’s differences between men and women and I am happy to laugh at the madness/hunger of both … but when stereotypes are created that are simply not true, then you can quickly stop being funny and start becoming something far more sinister and dangerous, which is why you only have yourself to blame if they stand up on mass and start to fight back.

Got it?

Cool … so let’s begin.

Most interesting agency for interesting, pragmatic and exciting planning.

Best agency for attracting international brands. [FMCG / Pragmatic Players and/or New Asian Powers]

Agency who is a genuine opinion leader … with views that aren’t wank, but actually backed up in their behaviour and approach.

Agency that’s most likely to still be a leader in planning/creativity/imagination in 10 years time.

Interms of your answers … you can either just list the agency you feel the most appropriate or give a more detailed explanation to your answer, it’s totally up to you.

On top of this, if you think there is another agency that is a better fit to the questions above, then feel free to add it after you’ve given your answer from the choices above … however the rules are that the ‘other’ agency must be,

1/ Part of a global network [ie: have offices in 3 different continents]
2/ Not be reliant on just one office for their creative/planning credentials
3/ Have a good presence in Asia.

You are all legends … and please don’t just say the ‘cooler’ agencies from the list above – they all have their strength’s and weaknesses even if the BBH’s and WK’s of the World are giving the others a real run for their money at the moment.

They might have schemes to control the weather … or the media … or simply steal all the gold in banks, but regardless of what their cunning scheme is, their ultimate goal is to create a weakeness that affects the masses so they can disproportionatly prosper.

Well let me tell you, they’ve been doing it all wrong.

Forget those bombs and rocket ships … put aside the ray guns and steel jawed sidekicks … because I’ve found something that could undermine the global economies in an instant and it’s available for about twenty quid from some weird shop in Japan.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, ambitious criminals and potential dictators … let me introduce you to pure evil genius:

Despite having all the fashion sense of a 86 year old Hungarian peasant, I do find the industry very interesting … mainly for it’s weirdness than anything relating to their output.

Whilst I am no expert in the industry, I have had – for reasons no one still has worked out – quite a lot of experience in the category, and it has always struck me that much of the industries focus [at least from the business perspective] is on producing items that are seemingly more difficult for high street retailers to reproduce than anything really connected with the evolution of fashion.

Of course there’ll be a load of people who will say I’m talking shite – and quite possibly I am – however when fashion labels are seeing the retailers they rely on for distribution, copying their products within weeks of delivery and offering a look-a-like version of them to the masses for a fraction of the cost … then their role is seemingly being re-defined as more about ‘inspiration’ than profitability.

Does that make sense?

Probably not … but I remember one fashion brand telling me that the reason they were increasing the number of lines they were producing was less about ‘creative inspiration’ and more about keeping ‘one step ahead’ of the evil retailers who pretended to be their friend but were focused on sucking them dry.

Sounds a bit like the multinational holding companies when they buy a small creative boutique doesn’t it?

Anyway not all of the fashion industry is exposed to such creative rape… at least not interms of the retailers ‘doing them’… and one area that still maintains high brand desirability is the handbag industry.

Of course their problem is they’re copied quicker than Jennifer Anniston’s fucking hair – but interms of ‘label’ magnetism – they drive women wilder than if George Clooney was strapped down naked in a town square with 5 erections.

Which leads me to the picture above.

For some reason, Gucci thought it was a good idea to have a store where there bags weren’t protected by glass … a store where you could literally touch the bag as you walked past.

Now on face value that may sound a good idea, but given the cheapest of these bags would keep America in burgers for 30 years, it’s not exactly the sort of purchase you make on a whim is it?

Let me rephrase that …

It is the sort of purchase you would LIKE to make on a whim, but for most women – it’s as much of a fantasy as having a husband who leaves the toilet seat down and doesn’t scratch his nuts in bed.

To be fair, I think the idea could be good if Gucci changed the reason for their approach from ‘making sales’ to ‘making potential’.

If they found a way that let passing women touch, hold, feel and walk along with these uber-priced bags as they were walking towards their plane [maybe along a wall of mirrors?]… they’d possibly turn ‘dreamers’ into ‘buyers’ in a much shorter time frame than relying on them to see their products through magazines or shop windows.

Maybe.

Do you think your boss is a cock?

Do you want a challenge that is genuinely cool and not a euphamism for ‘terrible job’?

If you have answered yes to all/any of the above, then I might have something of interest for you.

Basically, a major Japanese based [but not Japanese owned] ad agency is looking for a head of planning and they’re open to any nationality, even if the only thing you’ve ever had to do with the land of the rising sun is using a remote control to a SONY television. Manufactured in 1984.

You will have to have had a lot of planning experience because the job is big … running a major department and working on big, Big, BIG accounts – but if you’re interested in an amazing adventure and want to know more, get in contact and I’ll put you in touch with the man with the info.