The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Yep, today I am officially just 12 little years away from hitting the big 5.0.

That’s even more frightening than just being 2 years off 40 or the fact that according to latest figures, I have almost reached the official ‘halfway point’ of my entire life.

And yet, while I am a bald bastard, with bad eyes and white hairs sprouting out of my face – I cannot believe I have reached this age.

Photo: Chorosky

Oh hang on, that sounds like I’m claiming to have lived such a life of debauchery that it’s amazing I didn’t die years ago … and as dodgy as I look, the fact is I’ve never done drugs or fags and haven’t touched a drop of alcohol since I was 15 … so what I am trying to say is that basically I cannot believe I am at this age.

I should explain that doesn’t mean I go out acting like some 21 year old … nor does it mean I do all I can to ‘look’ young [and if I did, I think it would be fair to say I’ve failed, ha] … it’s just that mentally I feel [and sort-of believe] I’m around 28.

I don’t really know why this is the case – maybe it’s because I am a delusional old bastard or maybe it’s because my life took some dramatic twists and turns when I was around 25 and always felt that’s when I became ‘an adult’ – but regardless of the reason, it opens up some interesting issues for me to contend with.

One of them is Fatherhood.

 Photo: Robert Evans

You see I have always wanted to be a Dad … infact when I was a teenager, I was interested in adopting [!!!] … however while I am now at an age where I am supposedly more mature and financially strong [not to mention finally being married] – my desire to become a Father is less dramatic.

That doesn’t mean I don’t want to become a Dad – and I know I will be in the near[ish] future – it’s just that I feel abit conflicted because whilst I know a child should be next on my agenda, it just isn’t. At least not yet.

This could be because having got married less than a year ago, I am enjoying spending a selfish amount of time with my wife [and cat] … or it could be that despite many of my friends being happy and proud parents, my oldest and dearest friend also isn’t a Dad yet so my situation doesn’t seem that strange … or there’s the fact that after a life of ‘semi-struggle’ I am now in a position where [within reason] I can afford most of the things I want, even if I don’t act upon those desires very often [plus have generally cheap tastes. Except in technology, ha!] … however whilst there may elements of all these things behind my change in attitude, I think the core reason is because – as I said earlier – I believe I am much younger than my actual years so have somehow convinced myself that at ’28’, I’m too young to become a Dad.

Mad eh!

The thing is, I know having a child – be it at 28 or 58 – wouldn’t stop you achieving anything.

Sure things/goals may change, but it’s not like life stops – infact it grows – so when you take into account that [1] the goals I have in life can be just as easily achieved with a child as without [2] I’ve never have wanted to be an ‘old Dad’ and [3] I really do want to be a Father, I know I’m being a bloody fool and will have to address this issue pretty soon.

I should point out that when I say “I have to address this issue soon” it’s because I am 38 years of age – it’s certainly not because my wonderful [and younger] wife is putting pressure on me.

The other issue that my ‘real age’ brings up is professional.

Photo: Zan Gato

Let me start by saying I have never been one of those people with a career plan … the sort of person who devises their professional journey till retirement with military precision.

For me I’ve always been happy as long as I felt I was being challenged and doing things I found interesting.

Don’t think that doesn’t mean I’m not ambitious – I am – it’s just that I’ve always gauged my success on achievement rather than title.

However here’s the thing – sometimes I have found myself looking at other people in the industry and thinking I am doing pretty well in comparison – only to remember I’m actually a decade older than I think I am so have actually achieved pretty much the same as everyone else, if not slightly less. [I am talking professionally here, I’ve never been competitive interms of material possession]

Of course evaluating ‘achievements’ is a highly ambiguous area [is it agencies you’ve worked with or clients? brands or campaigns? ads or business?] plus there’s the undisputable fact that none of it actually fucking matters [especially if I am doing the things I want to do which is a privilege in itself] however what I do find interesting/confronting is that this highlights just how insecure I am – especially where work is concerned.

You see throughout my advertising career I’ve always felt abit of a fraud.

Some of that is because I’ve generally only worked at agencies with great reputations so felt any success was more due to the brilliance of the agency than anything I may have contributed plus having never been a drinker, smoker, drug taker, or ‘cool dude’ … I always felt [and was made to feel] abit of an outsider.

What this means is that whenever I achieved a degree of success [either personally or as part of my team/agency/client] I always felt I was giving the middle finger to the advertising elite … those people who made me – and countless others – feel like we had no right to be in [or even consider to be in] this industry simply because we didn’t come from the right city / school or background.

Yes I know this is probably an attempt to feel like I’m living the ‘triumph over adversity‘ stuff that I love [and I do realise I’ve not really triumphed over anything – certainly nothing truly worthwhile – let alone faced any real adversity] however while the industry is very different to what it once was, its still got its inherent prejudices and if proof was needed, you just have to look at someone like Marcus and realise how in the main, the industry still doesn’t like to embrace clever people with alternative views and backgrounds.

Jesus what a fruitcake I am! 🙂

Photo: Alexanderdra Chmann

To be honest, I don’t know why I am writing/saying any of this … plus I appreciate it sounds like a man going through a mid-life crisis [and given that I am close to my official life ‘midpoint’, it would be justifiable, ha] … however I guess I am just coming to terms with who I am and where I am and while that might be very late compared to the rest of you, at least it shows that people don’t always fit into nice, simple ‘generalisation boxes’ that the advertising and research industries like to have us believe.

Jesus this post is depressing – and yet it wasn’t meant to come out that way at all.

The fact is I know I am a very fortunate man, however I guess I am just starting to accept that I’m actually a very fortunate middle aged man and should stop living/ruling/judging my life by some bloody stupid ‘age expectation rule’ that doesn’t actually exist.

Right, I think it’s time I went because this is starting to sound awfully like a DR Phil show so I promise tomorrow will be abit more ‘normal’ [I’m writing it now because I’m speaking at a Market Research Conference] so as long as the delegates don’t lynch me after they hear what I say, I’ll see you on Monday.

So lets end this post with a sing-song …

Happy Birthday To Me …
Happy Birthday To Me …
Happy Birthday Dear Happy Slightly Bonkers Birthday Boy/Man …
Happy Birthday To Me …
________________________________________________

I wonder how much of this post was influenced by this …

It’s a bloody birthday card from the Mandarin Oriental Hotel in Kuala Lumpur.

Apart from the fact I can’t even remember staying there, everything about it is soooooo depressing – from the paper they’ve used to the cheesy photo inside – so all in all this CRM program is more likely to put me off the hotel than to get me to book, especially given they attract the sort of person I usually hate.

Won’t be as powerful as Harry Potter in getting people to read again, but still a nice idea from the NZ Book Council …

www.readatwork.com

Sure, it has a better acceleration than a snail plus a top speed that puts Stephen Hawkins to shame – but it’s still totally shit.

I mean it’s bad enough when a Ford Mondeo driver has a Ferrari keyring, but anyone who buys this product would redefine the meaning of sad … especially if they have a Vauxhall Nova in his/her garage.

Don’t get me wrong, brand associations can be hugely powerful and profitable – but as I’ve written about in the past – they can also be a total disaster, even if one brand makes a heap of [short-term] cash from selling their image to some another organisation.

Well the bad news is I’m back and I am relatively bursting with opinionated rants, however as I mentioned in a post last month, I’m going on a 2 month ‘blog holiday’ soon so you haven’t got too long to put up with my rubbish so hang in there!

I must admit it’s been quite weird not blogging because I’ve got so used to posting something every day for the last 20 months, that stopping meant I suddenly found I had so much more free time, ha!

[Contrary to what many people think, I generally write my ‘musings’ in my own time [I know it might not seem like it – and it’s only advertising – but I do actually have a job to do!] so this new found freedom allowed me to get back to absorbing stuff rather than continually expelling my hot air]

Saying that, freedom of blogging hasn’t been all good – because not only did I miss the people who comment on here so regularly [excluding Andy, George etc, who were in my life more than they have been for years] I found myself having the time, patience and geographical location to even have a pub lunch with Mr John Dodds.

AND IT WAS NICE!

Well, niceish 🙂

In all seriousness, one of the best things of the last few weeks has been being able to meet/chat/listen/debate with some of the World’s weird, wonderful and intelligent – and when I say meet/chat/listen/debate, I mean “in the flesh” not just via technology.

One of the things I’ve always prided myself on – and had drummed into me by my parents from a young age – is the power, beauty and value of the ‘conversation’ and yet nowadays, I seem to be more reliant on technology to achieve my aims than making the time to seek people out and get to know them.

Maybe this situation is a byproduct of my physical location … or my work load … or even my age … but this is not how I used to operate and not how I want to operate because whilst technology can help make the World be a smaller place, I also believe it is making our ability to communicate worse than ever.

Ahhhhhh, communication … one of the most overused word since ‘love’, ‘hilarity’ and ‘revolutionary advertising’!

For the last few months I’ve been working on a project on how people converse, and whilst it could be argued that thanks to technology we’re in an age of ‘conversational evolution’ – it seems, at least to me, that we’re becoming more isolated than previous generations.

You see whilst email/SMS/blogs/MSN/mobiles [etc] allows us all to talk to those who matter like never before, this ‘continual interaction’ isn’t actually creating deeper relationships … just more superficial ones.

While people all have lots and lots to say, it seems many find it difficult to actually maintain a real conversation.

What tends to happen is people go off on multiple tangents because rather than listen to what the other person is saying, they are just focused on what they want to express, even if it has no relevance to how the conversation has been progressing.

What this means is we get lots of little conversational journeys, but never reach any destination.

Politicians are great at this and thanks to a number of factors [including the way we use technology to communicate … as well as the way technology is created for us to communicate] more and more people are behaving in a similar fashion which could be contributing to the “it’s all about me” syndrome and the increase in violent crimes [because people don’t know how to handle differences of opinion anymore]

Maybe.

Possibly.

OK so I’m probably talking shite, but I bet most of you will relate to at least one of these scenarios …

1/ You get an incoming phonecall from someone you don’t really want to talk to so send it to voicemail

6/ You respond to MSN messages with ‘single word answers’, when in person you would never behave in such a manner

Well, do you?

See, every single one carefully designed to ensure you stay in control of your situation rather than run the risk of encountering an alternaitve view/outcome.

The thing that is interesting is that whilst modern technology allows people to express themselves in a way that can’t be ignored [ie: even though the recipient may only ‘hear’ the words rather than ‘listen’ to them] it is also being used to protect/filter people from individuals they would rather not speak to.

One of the things our research has uncovered is that many people use emote icons [especially on MSN] as a ‘conversational barrier’ rather than a visual representation of what they want to say.

It could be because the person is busy or they simply don’t want to talk to whoever is bothering them – however they use an emote icon because they know the recipient will interpret the character in a way they feel is appropriate to them / their situation, when in reality, the sender didn’t give it’s use/meaning a second thought, they just wanted to be left alone without [1] appearing rude [2] taking up too much time/effort.

It’s the equivalent of nodding to a colleague as you pass them in the corridor …

As I said, this issue could be more prevalent with those old fuckers who remember what it was like to make a phonecall using a telephone with a dial rather than this new generation who can’t work out what the letterbox at home is for – however I still think this is an important issue because humanity survives and thrives when it listens, understands and discusses – and the way the World is going, that’s something we could all do with a bit more of these days.

Years ago British Telecom ran a campaign around the concept of ‘it’s good to talk’.

While their definition of ‘talking’ often ended up being the sort of mundane conversation we now have on MSN, I reckon there’s still alot of potential in that idea though if they were to run it again, I reckon they’d be better off saying ‘it’s good to listen’ because if we’re not careful, we’re going to end up as the most connected bunch of loners in history.

PS: June seems to be the month for birthday’s because not only is it mine on Thursday [HINT HINT] it’s my wife’s on Sunday and my best friends on Monday.

Hope you’re all toptastic …