Filed under: Comment
I thought I should point this out because following my post about his review of our bastardised-without-us-knowing Walkman ad, he wrote in and pointed out a few things I’d said were inaccurate/misleading – including the photo I’d used of him [which actually wasn’t what the photo was supposed to be representing] which [according to him] “…wasn’t his good side’.
Now if this comment really is from him [though all evidence seems to indicate it is], I have to admit to some new found respect … because not only could he have ignored what I’d written completely, it takes balls the size of the above photo to write a note to someone who is abit pissed off [even though in reality, my anger was more directed at the production company than at his particular comments – afterall, you can only judge what you have been given]
Anyway, if you scroll down to the comments section of the post, you can read his note and my reply.
Maybe it’s a ‘Bob’ thing … maybe it’s because it will upset Andy … maybe it’s because it’s quite scary he actually found and READ my blog … but I quite like this Garfield chappie, so to prove he doesn’t really have a face like an arse or balls [or whatever that photo above actually is] I present to you the real Bob Garfield.
As I said in my reply to him, for a bastard, he’s alright …
Filed under: Comment
So here are some things I’ve encountered recently that have left me confused …
However, before we get into all that, check out this little movie of my Malaysian Taxi Driver from a few days ago.
See, I told you the buggers were bloody dangerous drivers!!!
Infact, when the cabbie realised I was ‘filming’, he decided to increase his speed to 140mph because he thought it made him look ‘good’.
Jesus Christ – I thought I was going to be sick – especially when the car hit a massive hole in the road [about half way into the clip] and we bounced up and down for a few hundred feet.
Infact it makes me feel sick just thinking about it so lets change subjects …
So I was walking around a clients office, when I spotted this ‘SEX MANIAC ON BOARD’ sign on the cubicle window of a male worker.
Three things struck me …
1 What a tosser. [Probably quite literally!]
2 What would happen if a woman had this on her office cubicle?
3 The Singaporean National Service really makes the local guys immature around women … because at a time where most 18 year old blokes are interacting with the opposite sex – the Singaporean kid is whisked away to spend time with even more immature Singaporean kids resulting in them ending up with all the social graces of an Aussie man [ha!]
Mind you, when I saw the state of the bloke who actually sat there, I couldn’t help but think the sign should say “Potential Rapist On Board” – but maybe that’s something I shouldn’t actually say out loud. Oops.
Keeping on the subject of Singapore …
So for reasons best kept to myself for the time-being, I applied for Singaporean Permanent Residency today.
Now as the World knows, Singapore can put Germany to shame when we talk about efficiency but I have to say they can’t half be a bunch of pedantic fuckers.
I’d filled in my forms ever-so-carefully, got all the paperwork [including photocopies of my SECONDARY SCHOOL EXAM RESULTS] and waited in the queue to get a ticket so I could wait in another queue.
Because Singapore is Singapore, it didn’t take too long to see an ‘Immigration Assistant’ however imagine my surprise when I was told that I’d filled in the forms in incorrectly.
“What do you mean?” I asked all confused …
To which they pointed at questions like ‘RELIGION’ and ‘CHILDREN’ and said they were wrong.
And do you know what was actually wrong?
I’d put a line through the boxes because I practice no religious beliefs and have no children but infact I should have written ‘NONE’.
It’s this sort of red tape that drives me mad – but then I should have known because when Jill and I first moved here, we were subjected to the most pointless questions in the Universe simply because the officer HAD to ask them – even they were of no relevance to our situation.
I’ve talked about the Singaporean mentality of ‘only following orders’ [which leads to a distinct lack of ingenuity] before, and I really think this could become a major issue in the countries on-going success.
Right enough of all that … lets get back to the subject of communication.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls – I’d like to introduce you to the World’s LEAST creative direct marketing piece … an ‘ad’ for the Asian ‘Music Matters’ conference.
So I got this envelope through my letterbox today and to be fair, it’s all colourful and graphic equaliser-like so it has some relevance to ‘music’.
Anyway, when I looked abit closer, I spotted that there was a green tag at the top of the envelope with an arrow pointing ‘up’. Being as sharp as a tack, I quickly concluded something might happen if I pulled it and you know what … I was right!
Now given this was for a cool music conference, I was expecting to be surprised and delighted with what was going to happen ….
Could it be an orgy scene?
Could it be a drug taking party?
Could it be a Mariah Carey being savaged by dogs?
Well it could of been any one of those things, but in the end it was this …
Yep … all that stupid green thing ‘revealed’ was the astoundingly pathetic “ENCORE” … oh, and it changed a few of the colours on the poxy graphic equaliser.
Seriously, it was about as anti-climatic as ‘The Last King Of Scotland’ – and for me, that’s saying something.
Apart from the fact it just is so uninspiring, can someone tell me why they used the word “ENCORE” … I mean that’s hardly the language of the young and cool is it??? Come on, when was the last time you heard people shouting that after a System Of A Down / Red Hot Chilli Peppers / Killers / Muse gig?
Either this was created by 50 year old, wealthy opera lovers or people who don’t deserve the job title, ‘creative’. [And there’s a lot of them I can tell you!]
I have quite a downer on DM … I do respect what it can do when done right … but the problem is, it so rarely IS done right and yet the practitioners of it, all act high and mighty like there discipline is less ridiculous than the rest of the industry.
“Yes, but we can measure how successful we are” they cry with their patronising voice.
“That’s true” … I shout, ” … and you can see you’re not very successful at all!”So there you have it, mini-proof that the World is going abit mental – and if any of you have any additional bits of ‘proof’, I would be very, very happy to see them.
N E W S F L A S H !
Oh hang on, we have a late news story courtesy of Hari regarding this very subject. The best thing to do is go here and see how blandom [also known by the medical term ‘TOTO songs’] can brainwash you into a vegative state.
Spare a thought for poor Fredrik, he is but an innocent victim!
Filed under: Comment
So you lot reckoned the beefburger I had at my hotel in KL had some dead insect on the top of it!
Of course in reality, it was a few fried onions ‘artistically arranged’, however at the airport yesterday, I decided I wanted some food and asked for spaghetti and meatballs.
You have to appreciate that …
1 I am half Italian
2 I have grown up with great Italian food
3 Jill makes the finest meatballs in the World
… so I was rather disappointed when I got served this …
What the hell!???
After looking at this cold, disgusting mess for a few minutes, I still wasn’t sure whether the ‘meatballs’ were infact plums / testicles / turds richly covered in tomato sauce – however one thing I WAS certain of, was that there was no way they were going in my mouth!
And if that didn’t make me feel sick enough, the post below did …
Filed under: Comment
It’s Madness!
So recently I was given a quite interesting bit of news …
The film company who did our Walkman spots decided without our knowledge, to re-edit one of the ads [the weakness one, Calvin] and then – in a moment of quite stunning stupidity – put it into Adage for a creative review.
The fact they did this was bad enough … but given their re-editing extended to the storyline, the sound effects and the background music … we ended up with an ad in an International industry magazine that was about as bad as you could possibly get.
And Bob Garfield – the self professed God of creativity – obviously agreed.
He hated it so much that he wrote a massive article on it … scathing pretty much every single aspect of the spot. Infact such was his loathing that he summed it up with the words, “So bad it’s embarrassing”
Bunch of Arse!
Now opinions are like arseholes – we all have them and some are pretty and some are pretty ugly – and whilst this was definitely on the ‘bad side’, he did raise some valid comments which need to be taken into account for next time.
Well, that is if there is a next time …
SONY are quite sensitive to this sort of thing and even though we had nothing to do with it … and it was reviewed by a man whose pro-Americana stance puts George Bush to shame … they are quite rightly upset, embarrassed and angry.
Of course we have professed our innocence but it isn’t exactly going down well with the ‘powers that be’.
So where does that leave us?
Well … pretty much where we started … having to nurture a client who is paranoid of doing anything that could potentially put off a consumer – which is why they tend to fall back onto pointless, mindless, boring tat.
Look, I never professed the Walkman ads would change the brands short-term success, it was a starting point in making the brand relevant again – however because of the madness of one person, everything could now take a giant step backwards – which is bad news for us, SONY, Walkman and ultimately the consumer – because for the first time in a long time, SONY are developing Walkman products with the care and attention they deserve.
It’s side splitting!
Infact the only person who is finding it really funny is Andy – not just because he didn’t have anything to do with the campaign … but because he thinks being slagged off by Bob Garfield is [to coin a phrase from Margaret Thatcher] like being ‘savaged by a dead sheep’.
This blasé attitude isn’t just because Andy is a tough bastard … but because years ago he questioned Bob Garfield’s ability to review creative work after he gave a fawning review of a Levi’s campaign DESPITE it being a total rip off some GAP ads.
Andy’s response was the stuff of legends which is why he laughs in the face of anything Garfield spouts. Now if only our client could do the same … ha!
Filed under: Comment
Let me tell you, they were wholly and souly created for the Asian market – especially at lunch and home times!!!
You see in Asia, ‘personal space’ doesn’t really mean that much … and given many Asians are much, much smaller than their Western counterparts [a colleague of mine – a mother of 2 – shops for her clothes at ZARA Kids!!!] … they can – and do – cram more people into a lift than you’d think is feasibly reasonable.
Infact when the earthquake happened a few weeks ago, I was in a lift with 21 people!
TWENTY ONE … and the lift is only supposed to hold 17!
OK … so you could ask what the hell we were doing in a lift after an earthquake, but I was tired and 36 flights of steps is just too many for me to consider, ha!
However my favourite thing about lifts in Asia is that people are more than happy to check themselves out, do their make-up, look up their noses all while some bald headed, 4-eyed Nottingham bloke stands in the corner,looking on with a sort-of confused look in his eye.
It’s as if when those doors close, you – and anyone in the lift with you – occupy a new land where the normal rules of social convention cease to apply.
This all might sound weird and horrid to you lot in London, Sydney, New York, LA, Nottingham, Melbourne etc etc … but you know what, this whole weirdness is part of the quirky wonderfulness of the region and being here it as it metamorphosis into the World power it is to become is something quite special – especially when I meet arrogant Western business/adpeople who think the ‘Far East’ is never going to usurp them from their throne.
They have no idea …