Filed under: Comment, Crap Marketing Ideas From History!, Crap Products In History
So I was on a plane recently, skimming through their in-flight shopping magazine when I came across this product …
Yes, it’s an alarmed ‘door wedge’, but that’s not what I found interesting, it was the description of the product and who they think it may be appropriate for …
Yes, they really are saying it is a great product for people who find sleeping alone in hotels, unnerving.
How exactly?
Are you supposed to use the wedge to keep the door slightly ajar so that you can see the ‘safe glow’ on the hotel corridor lights … even though any perverted bastard could peer in and see you sleeping.
Or maybe, despite locking and chaining your hotel door from the inside, you are supposed to put the wedge underneath the door – adding another layer of inpenatrability – even though you run the risk of a 130db alarm going off when some hotel staff member tries to shove the bill or a message under the door.
Look, I’ve stayed in some very dodgy hotels in my time.
The sort of hotels where you want an armed guard behind the door, let alone an alarmed door wedge … but even if I did have that thing when I was staying in them [example: a ‘hotel’ that cost about $2 a night, next to a train station in the seediest part of Venezuela], I don’t know if it would have given me peace of mind, especially if the bloody thing went off in the middle of the night. [Which it would have as I discovered every room key opened every room]
While I appreciate the illusion of safety is a wonderful thing, I don’t know if this actually gives it – or if it simply heightens your anxiety that something bad could happen.
Guess it simply proves that there’s nothing like fear – or sex – to sell a product.
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They’d sell better if they advertised them as the perfect product to keep you out.
Comment by DH August 14, 2014 @ 6:22 am$32 in any currency would be a small price to pay for that peace of mind.
Comment by Bazza August 14, 2014 @ 6:48 am130db isn’t loud enough to drown out your voice. Especially if you’re doing that mad hyena laugh when someone has majorly screwed up. You can be such a bastard.
Comment by DH August 14, 2014 @ 6:24 amthe most annoying fucking sound since fran fucking dreschers laugh.
Comment by andy@cynic August 14, 2014 @ 6:27 amThat’s funny because it came out yesterday as a business director tried to put a positive spin on what was turning into an utter disaster for him.
I am a bit evil aren’t I. Sorry.
Oh, and nice use of ‘Fran Drescher’. Impressive. I’m almost disappointed you don’t think my laugh beats her. Note, I said ‘almost’. Ha.
Comment by Rob August 14, 2014 @ 8:00 amNow Venezuela’s economic mayhem makes sense…
Comment by Miguel August 14, 2014 @ 6:25 amIt was a long time ago … I can’t be held responsible for that. Or at least that’s what my lawyers tell me.
Comment by Rob August 14, 2014 @ 8:03 amAfter that title, I was expecting a description of your personal gadget collection.
Comment by john August 14, 2014 @ 6:27 amit would bore me to fucking tears but you should do what doddsy says campbell. after its made us all sick it will give us hope because if a twat like you can scam enough money to buy all your shit, theres hope for the rest of us fuckers. anyway, i want to see how many fucking z grade robots you now have so i can snort dismissively and then say “i fucking told you so”.
Comment by andy@cynic August 14, 2014 @ 6:33 amAnd that is the precise reason I will never do it.
Comment by Rob August 14, 2014 @ 8:07 amwhat about the fear of sex? that market would be huge. call yourself a fucking strategist campbell. amateur.
Comment by andy@cynic August 14, 2014 @ 6:30 amIs that a huge market?
Comment by Bazza August 14, 2014 @ 6:49 amHow many women does Billy harass?
Comment by john August 14, 2014 @ 6:51 ami finished the sentence too quickly. it should read fear of sex with fucking bazza. as i said, thats a huge fucking market.
Comment by andy@cynic August 14, 2014 @ 6:56 amMassive market. It could even rival your iphone market Baz. Maybe you should quickly launch the iDoorstop?
Comment by DH August 14, 2014 @ 7:03 amIdiots.
Comment by Bazza August 14, 2014 @ 7:18 amGood work on the post about depression. Well said.
Comment by George August 14, 2014 @ 7:57 amIt’s been blowing my mind how some people are acting like depression doesn’t exist and what happened is unexplainable. I get that some people live in a bubble, but seriously …
Comment by Rob August 14, 2014 @ 8:09 amI wonder what the insight behind it was. Or how they got it. Maybe it was a focus group of people who had recently suffered a home invasion.
Comment by Pete August 14, 2014 @ 8:32 amDeck stacking focus group attendees. Now that is devious strategy Robert.
Comment by George August 14, 2014 @ 8:39 amI thought it was standard industry practice.
Comment by john August 14, 2014 @ 5:37 pmFunny enough, I just met with a mate of mine who told me one of their clients actually suggested they do that as they’re scared of what the research results will be and the implications on their KPI’s and bonus.
Self interest beats corporate clarity everytime.
Comment by Rob August 14, 2014 @ 5:42 pmEh, if a person is sufficiently paranoid about his/her own safety, then the doorstop would likely serve as a form of reassurance rather than a perpetuator of anxiety. Plus, erring on the side of caution, or ensuring that someone finds your corpse, isn’t that bad.
(Oh, and about Robin Williams & depression – I really wonder why people think they have a valid opinion about his death and condition. I recommend watching “What Dreams May Come” as a way of remembering him instead, since it’s an odd reflection of what happened to him. Or “Jumanji” and “Flubber”, which I adored as a kid. Better yet, do a marathon of his films!)
Comment by chaoticgoodnoodles August 14, 2014 @ 8:38 pmThere’s lots of reasons why they might believe they can. If they’ve suffered from depression for instance. Or a loved one has.
Did you write the catalog description for the doorstop because they match. Nice work.
Comment by DH August 14, 2014 @ 8:46 pmI don’t know why Rob thinks he has a valid opinion on anything.
Comment by Billy Whizz August 14, 2014 @ 9:11 pm@ DH – Depression can manifest quite differently for every victim, and to varying degrees. So, while there will be certain aspects in common, the ordeal and results can be very different.
And no, I did not write that product description, because if I did, it’d probably end up on some quirky gift site rather than an in-flight magazine.
@ Billy – he has a valid opinion because we read it. So we can start correcting him by unsubscribing. LOL.
Comment by chaoticgoodnoodles August 14, 2014 @ 9:43 pmAre you saying if someone has been directly affected by depression they don’t have a valid opinion on how it can make someone feel? Or are you talking about the people who have been passing opinion on what Robin Williams was going through without knowing him or the disease? That’s different and I would agree wth you.
Comment by DH August 14, 2014 @ 10:00 pmI think they mean the second option Dave. Which is the correct option.
Comment by Pete August 14, 2014 @ 10:08 pmThis is the problem with switching comments off, people just move to the next available post.
Comment by Northern August 14, 2014 @ 11:40 pmGlad you said it, quite bloody right.