The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Whilst we’d lost the first leg 2-1, I had high, high hopes of us coming good when they came to our ground – a place where we’d not lost in 20 games.

Even though it was going to be played in the middle of the night, there was no way I was going to miss it, so I went to bed early and set the alarm for 2:30am.

Anyway, a few hours passed and the alarm went off and the first thing that hit me was confusion.

You see I had fallen asleep and in my dream I had dreamt they had won 2-0 … a score that would have secured their progression to the grand playoff final.

However it gets worse, because in my dream, I also dreamt I‘d woken up in a panic realising that I’d only dreamt that score only to be ridiculously happy and relieved when I logged on to BBC.com and found that 2 goal result had actually turned into reality.

So imagine how weird and fearful it felt when I realised [1] I had only dreamt I was awake [2] they hadn’t won 2-0 and [3] the match hadn’t even started yet.

As we all know – despite a very bright start – we ended up losing 3-4 and our hopes of a return to where we belong were dashed for another year … however the thing I find interesting is that my love for my team/brand is so strong that it not only infiltrated my dreams, but positively affected my emotions and feelings.

There’s plenty of talk about how great brands affect people – and there’s a general acceptance that the greatest brands tend to be the ones that live and play within people’s/societies lives – however when a brand can affect your sleep and mood simply through the anticipation you have of interacting/experiencing/engaging with it again, then I would say the number of truly great brands is far less than many in our business claim.

For me a great brand isn’t about sales or profit [though obviously they are very important components] … it’s about an irrational love …. where it affects what you do and feel beyond rational reason.

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit too mnay porbelms.

Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by itslef but the wrod as a wlohe.

OK … OK … so that’s nothing new, but it’s still pretty interesting … however one of the things we’re working on at the moment is how people gather information on a website.

The thing is, the way many sites are laid out is very much from a Western perspective – where all the information is grouped in little blocks – however there are many other cultures that consume information in a much more ‘scattergun’ approach, where their eyes literally take in a bunch of stuff all at once and then interpret it from there … so what this results in is some companies having a much less effective digital strategy than they could have simply because they assumed there was a universal way to consume information.

Given I’ll be based out of the Shanghai office, my ability to ‘blog’ may be impacted somewhat by the great firewall of China … however whilst I am sure all of you are excited beyond belief that this might signal the end of my rubbish ranting, I am working on some ‘alternative options’ that might allow me to continue being a loud mouthed twat starting with the fact I am going to Cuba to big up my communist credentials.

Communism … hmmmmn, let me tell you, the Chinese Government are more capitalistic than the US.

Not only do they charge you ‘duty’ to bring in your own furniture into the country, they have a cap on how much audio/visual content you can bring.

Any content … not anything that could be deemed inappropriate by Chinese immigration officials.

And guess what that cap is?

Go on.

400 pieces.

FOUR HUNDRED PIECES of audio/visual content made up of either DVD’s, videos, CD’s, albums, games.

Given my collection of these items amounts to approx 10,000 items … I am in a spot of bother and even if they decide I can bring them in, they still will charge me US$1.50 for every CD and US$2.50 for every DVD I bring in over the 400 allowance.

Guess there’s going to be a warehouse in Hong Kong that will have quite a collection of film and music stored in it for a few years.

Anyway enough of my whinging – let’s get on with today’s post shall we.

Have a look at this:

Before we get to the ad, look at the packaging.

Is it just me or does that look more like a pack of cigarette papers or some fancy-pants tampon pack rather than a chewing gum?

Eitherway, this post isn’t about the ridiculous packaging [you just know the words ‘aspirational’ and ‘status’ were banded about in the brief] I want to talk about that headline.

EVER TRIED RIDING AN ICEBERG DOWN A LAVA FLOW?

Apart from giving the obvious answer of “NO” … closely followed by “HAS ANYONE?” … what the hell are they actually trying to say?

OK … so I can work out they’re attempting to communicate this gum is both cold and hot, but is that supposed to tempt me to trying it?

Alright, I’m a nearly 40 year old cynical bastard, but I don’t think this ‘strategy’ would even work for kids.

Sure they might be tempted – but given the packaging has been so obviously designed to appeal to BMW driving sales reps who think they’ve made it because they’re driving a 316i at 80mph along a motorway, I don’t think they’re likely to hand over their hard earnt pocket/mugging money to sample it.

Whilst I’m a big believer that communication should demand attention, saying any old shit is pointless especially as I am a firm believer there are no boring brands, there’s just people who haven’t looked or opened their minds enough.

To help with that – and to say it in a way that is way, way, waaaaaaaaay more powerful than I could ever hope to achieve, here’s a paper my first boss – the irrepressible Steve Henry – wrote about ‘how to write a brief that infiltrates brands into culture’.

In the post, I explained what they were saying was a delightful blend of condescending colonial arrogance, regional cliché and universal-state-the-obvious blandom … which pissed off a certain Pius Thicknesse so much, he/she felt compelled to slag me off but interestingly, not for the flaws I raised in the claimed research findings, but for daring to suggest the ‘ad’ was written by a Westerner.

Excellent.

Anyway, as I said in the post – crap ad aside – GREY has a long heritage in doing good Asian regional research, so I assumed this was simply the result of a bad copywriter or a bad brief rather than the a momentary lapse of intelligence by the people who undertook the study, but it would appear I was being too generous in my excuses because I’ve just received this:



I know it looks almost identical to the last ‘ad’ of theirs I slagged off, but it is different – except it’s almost exactly the same as well.

What do I mean?

Well whilst this ‘ad’ supposedly highlights GREY’s research findings regarding the ‘grey dollar’ … the fact is the majority of the copy doesn’t really talk about any of this, preferring to rehash the flawed and grammatically prejudiced content of the previous advertisement.

The thing is, the topic of the ‘grey dollar’ is a very important one … one that tends to get overlooked by agencies and marketers because it’s not a ‘cool’ demographic … so why they decided to come out with some general questions that could apply to anybody is beyond me.

Oh hang on, I know now … because the opening lines of their ‘ad’ explain this isn’t about targeting an age demographic – it’s about targeting a mindset – but that’s hardly ‘new news’ is it? Fuck me, that approach has been around for donkeys years which then opens up another issue, why have a headline that immediately implies you have information about a particular age group?

This is mental.

So regardless of whether GREY are trying to say they have insights on grey haired folk or people who simply wish to live their life in a positive manner, let’s look at some of the questions they highlight.

• Why Asians are fickle consumers
• Why Asians are smart shoppers
• Why Asians delight in brands that constantly engage them in new ways
• Why Asians expect their brands to embrace change

OK … OK … so we’re not really sure who GREY are talking about in this ad/study [not the best thing for a company who claims to be experts in clear and concise communication] but regardless of that, are these questions even unique to the ‘Asian’ population?

Of course not, it’s generic commentary trumped up to sound like mindblowing research that uncovers major and unique factors about the Asian population … major and unique factors than can help marketers engage and grow within this region. And the irony is, there are absolutely fundamental differences in this regions attitudes and behaviour – and even more so when dealing with the older generation – but given the ads, research and ‘findings’ all seem to be flawed, confused and/or generalistic, I doubt GREY’s insights will either uncover them or explain what you can do with them once you’ve got them.

This sort of thing really, really pisses me off … especially the “ASIANS” label, which implies the population of this region are somewhat alien compared to the nice white folk back home in the West … though given they tar 16 totally different countries – including NZ and Australia – as Asian [ie: all the same], then it goes to show GREY’s EYE ON ASIA is in need of some new prescription glasses.

Cameron as PM.
Forest lose both playoff games.
We don’t get the house we want in Shanghai.

I hope bad luck doesn’t now come in fours, because I really don’t think I can take any more disappointment this week.