The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

And what’s sadder is that in a lot of cases, I think they are absolutely bloody right.

There’s a great quote about the success of the TV series, ‘Mad Men’.

Someone said the reason adfolk like it so much is because it represents an industry they’re dying to get into whereas the reality is one they’re desperate to get out of … and I think that has more than an element of truth about it … but as I’ve said in the past, I genuinely believe the industry of the 60’s was far more inventive and focused on effectiveness than much of what goes on today – where the pre-occupation seems to be more on the ‘quality of the film’ than the interesting and imaginative approach to drive active mass [and, as much as possible, quantifiable] interest.

Hey, I’m all for getting inspiration and involvement from outside influences but if adland is no longer seen by brands and people as the home for understanding and motivating society, then why the fuck do we think there’s a future for us?

I’ve been banging on about this for a long, long time – warning how a focus on selling ‘process’ rather than imagination and effectiveness will fuck up the whole industry, even if some clever agencies will prosper – and it’s coming home to roost, which is why adland has to stop focusing on it’s ego and delusion and start putting some quality back into its thinking and approach because the model adopted by so many cannot be sustained, and no amount of films, television shows or magazine articles will change that.

The show – ‘I Want A Famous Face’ – proved to be quite successful and whilst it copped quite a bit of flack from the public … it never actually paid for any of the operations featured and always showed a story of someone who had a very negative experience so there would be some sort of balance to the whole thing.

To be honest, I’ve still not quite grasped why someone would do that.

OK, so you could say it’s more ‘shortcut-to-fame’ type of rubbish … but the fact is, they’re NOT that person and in most cases, don’t even end up resembling the individual they want to mirror.

But there’s something else too …

Imagine someone wants to look like Walther Matthau. [hey, it could happen]

The operation is a huge success, and after the bandages have been removed it’s like Walther’s identical twin is standing infront of you.

Now what?

Does that person pretend he’s Walther when he goes out into the big, bad World?

OK … OK … so forget Walther, imagine it’s Brad Pitt.

What does a guy who looks just like the luckiest man in the World do after the op?

Sure, he can become a look-a-like but is that all life has to offer for them?

When I was young, there were 2 guitarists that I loved more than anyone.

One was Brian May from Queen and the other was Nuno Bettencourt from Extreme.

Because of their huge fame, guitar manufacturers produced replica models for the mainstream market of their famous axes.

Now to be fair, from what I understand, both of these sold quite well but I always resisted – not just because I couldn’t afford it, but because at that time I was convinced I was going to be a Rock Star in my own right and didn’t want to use a guitar that obviously and immediately linked me to a guitarist who would always be better and more distinctive than me, even if I spent a 1000 years practicing 8 hours a day.

And here’s the point … why do these people do it?

Just like a Brian May red special wouldn’t make me sound/play like the poodle-master, neither will a face like Jennifer Anniston’s guarantee you a lifetime of being dumped by Hollywood’s elite and – in the case of John Meyer – not so elite.

Yes, as kids we all pretended to be Batman or someone … but that was when we were kids … so I’m just wondering whether the people who decide to spend so much money on trying to look like someone else are incredibly miserable or just incredibly desperate to have some sort of association with fame?

Well you know what – I don’t care – and there’s a reason for that, and it’s this.

Sure, you might have had to endure pain and expense to look slightly like someone who is slightly well known, but the ultimate act of love is to ensure your kids don’t need to go through such horror, hence California Cry Bank.

I have to write some of what they say, because quite frankly, it beggars belief …

“Have you ever wondered if your favourite donor looks like anyone famous? You know how tall he is and his hair and eye color, but wouldn’t it be great to have an idea of what he really LOOKS like?

CCB Look-a-Likes can be found for each donor on their individual donor page. You can also use the Look-a-Likes Search below to produce a list of donors who resemble the listed celebrities.”

Jesus-fucking-Christ … how depraved and pathetic has the World become?

To be honest, I think I find this one of the most offensive things I’ve ever seen … and would love to spend a year outside their premises either …

1/ Shouting “YOU DON’T LOOK ANYTHING LIKE HIM” to everyone who is trying to get some cash in hand, so to speak.

2/ Shouting “YOU SAD, DELUSIONAL BASTARD” or “YOU’RE SO UGLY, I DON’T BLAME YOU” to every person coming in for treatment.

You seriously have to check out the ‘drop down’ box of celebratory names they say they might have a ‘gene-lookalike’ for … it’s the most comprehensive list I’ve ever seen … though why anyone would want a kid that looks like Lou Ferrigno, Bjorn Borg or fucking Russell Crowe [young & old ‘models’] is beyond me.

Morning. How are you all?

Hope you had a good weekend and are feeling relaxed, healthy and happy.

Don’t worry, I haven’t become ‘nice’, I am just making sure you are in the right frame of mind before I subject you to something so horrific, you might require hospital treatment.

Before I get to that, I need to say something.

Sorry TBWA.

Yep … I’m apologising.

What for?

Well we’ll get to that in a minute.

The thing is, I’ve always been a fan of TBWA.

Sure they seem to now spend more time talking about ‘disruption’ than doing it … but when its led to them creating such brilliant campaigns for ADIDAS, PlayStation and Apple, you know it’s something that still lives throughout the company.

[And that’s just the ‘glory brands’, they’ve done consistently awesome work – if not as well known – for a whole host of companies, with their NZ, SA & Amsterdam offices being especially prolific]

Anyway, the reason I owe them an apology is because I have given them a bit of a hard time as of late.

Singapore Airlines … Pepsi … Visa … they’ve all copped a certain amount of my shit.

To be fair to me, I did say at the time that I felt the [bad] quality of the work was more to do with client interference than the agency themselves … however that still doesn’t excuse the fact their work for Visa is about as appropriate as inviting Gary Glitter to a children’s birthday party … their ‘Goodbye Michael’ Pepsi ad had all the taste of a 50 year old Russian Oil Billionaire’s wife and their SIA everything is one of the biggest disasters the airline industry has ever seen.

Or is it?

Well, in the case of the VISA and Pepsi debacles, I think the answer is a resounding ‘yes’ … however as much as I [1] don’t think the SIA work does any credit to the truly magnificent experience you get when you fly SIA [2] the campaign makes the brand look totally and utterly ‘beige’ and [3] it offers no reason to choose SIA over another airline … I have had something brought to my attention that shows that as bad as it is, it’s still not as bad as some of the stuff they used to churn out.

Before I show it, I should point out that I know the ad from a very long time ago, however there’s 2 things that don’t let that get used as a decent excuse …

1/ SIA’s international reputation was built – genuinely built – on great advertising, so it’s not like they weren’t used to doing good stuff.

2/ My Mum is quite old and she has managed to be consistently brilliant and relevant throughout the years.

Jesus, how bad is that eh? And why do SIA girls only take one outfit with them? Are they thick or just badly paid? Boom Tish. [Copyright Media Mag]

In all seriousness, that’s really terrible isn’t it.

And they can’t even use the excuse that it was ‘a reflection of the time’ because as I mentioned earlier, they’d already done some great, timeless work prior to this abomination.

For a brand that pioneered so much … from using their hostesses to symbolise ‘service’ [something every airline has tried to copy since – even though interms of ‘real experience’, only a few can claim to be anywhere close] through to identifying the potential in being the first to order and operate the absolutelyfuckinghuge A380 … it’s tragic that where their communication was concerned, they allowed the Singaporean trait of ‘conservatism’ to erode the vision, drive, bravery and genius that had been so instrumental in helping them build such an airline superpower in the first place.

In other words, while SIA may not of been the sort of brand people expected to come from as small a country as Singapore … their advertising most definitely was.

Sadly, instead of going back to making the sort of great communication that had helped them build such a strong emotional connection with so many people, they succumbed to the clichéd and aspirationally bland ad style of so many Asian brands … and when, for all intents and purposes, SIA basically represents their country of origin to the wider World [especially to Western audiences, who otherwise only know the island by such clichés as ‘no chewing gum, no drugs, capital punishment and disturbingly clean streets’] I can’t help but feel continuing this approach has the potential to undermine both the airline and the country as a whole.

SIA is one of those rare brands where the product is way, way, way better than the ads … and putting aside the fact their communication is similar to all the other twaddle put out by the airline industry [which is especially outrageous when the actual flying experience is so far ahead of most of them] I can’t help but feel that if someone who doesn’t know Singapore sees the campaign, it almost reinforces all the preconceived conceptions of the country and that is both unfair and unjust because it really is a wonderful place.

So taking all this into account, I want to formally apologise to TBWA for the piss I took out of their ads.

As I said previously, in my heart-of-hearts I knew they were pretty much innocent in all of this – not just because I knew they had Freddie pushing like a demon for them to embrace the right path again – but because TBWA are pretty bloody good, especially for a massive network … so I leave this post with the simple hope that SIA go back to the times where they wanted to change the skies forever, because the attitude of ‘flying with the best’ isn’t the same as the one that got them where they now reside: to be the best.

So in the current edition of the US Marie Claire magazine, there’s an article entitled ‘The New Trophy Wife’.

They argue the new ‘accessory’ for the successful businessman is no longer a young, elegant blonde – but an Asian women – and they their claim up by highlighting 6-7 famous/rich Westerners who are now with women who originate from that part of the World.

Apart from the fact 6 or 7 rich/famous Westerners doesn’t represent an emerging trend – let alone a mass shift in attitudes – the whole premise of the article is both preposterous and prejudicial.

Here’s a magazine that is supposedly dedicated to the ‘empowerment of women’ and it’s acting like the sort of small minded idiot you see in a nightclub at 2am on a Saturday morning.

Worse, it’s acting like the sort of small minded idiot who has little experience/exposure to people from other cultures and bases the majority of their opinions from 1970’s ‘comedy’ television shows, porn movies or ignorant, fear-driven, jingoistic ‘journalism’ – the type of which you can read in this month’s Marie Claire.

Of course there are worse insults than being labelled a ‘trophy wife’ … but let’s be honest, it’s not something to exactly feel proud of is it?

Sure, it might indicate a woman who embodies great beauty and style … however it also implies an individual who is ‘all image and no substance’ with some even being labelled as people whose loyalty is in direct proportion to the amount and duration of money being thrown in their direction.

And here’s the thing, whilst there will be some Asian women who think/act like this – to claim ALL Asian women adopt this attitude is outrageous – as outrageous as claiming all blondes are thick, all red heads go like the clappers and all successful men like women from the East because they’re all super-slim, uber-hot and think nothing of putting their needs before themselves.

[Though to be fair, the bullshit gender roles that so many companies are so happy to promote might influence why people think this way!]

An Asian womans fantasty, yesterday!

Oh but hang on, Marie Claire have spoken to ‘experts’ for ‘insightful’ points of view.

What a shame the people they’ve spoken to come out with bollocks like this …

“[If an Asian woman is] … dating a white guy, they may not know if it’s a fetish thing.”

A fetish thing?

Fucking hell, it sounds more like literature from the BNP than some international women’s magazine.

Mind you, given they started their article with the words, ‘The Woody Allen effect’ I should of know I wasn’t dealing with the high-end of journalistic insight.

Can you imagine the shit that would have gone down if Marie Claire had said ‘black women’ were the new trophy wife and implied the only reason white men would ‘date’ them was to fulfil some sort of fetish thing?

They’d be – and quite rightly too – blue bloody murder, so I’ll be very interested to see if there’s any feedback on this article.

All Asian Women look & act like this. Even when they’re 93!

The whole article feels like a massive stitch up – designed to make American women feel even more paranoid about how they look as well as make men appear even more disloyal and shallow.

To be fair to Marie Claire, I do know that in countries like Singapore, there are a growing number of local women who find Western men a more attractive proposition than someone from their own territory – and I do know that this has contributed to some ill feeling towards foreigners from the local male community – however if people looked into the reasons behind this attitude rather than simply equate it to ‘wealth potential’, they would see that not only is the Government actively trying to encourage ‘international relationships’ [because it will help the local economy] it has more to do with mutual respect and values than how many diamonds they think they will be bought.

This means 2 things …

1/ There’s no more posts till Monday [I have exhausted my supply of pre-written posts and haven’t replenished my stocks – how slack is that?]

2/ If you live there and have made the fatal mistake of ever acknowledging my existence, you might get a call asking if you’re free for a coffee. Of course I’ll pay for your double decaf latte with soya milk [I wouldn’t expect you to be seen in my company without getting some sort of “benefit”] however it looks like you’ll be safe because my trip has seemingly been planned to the nano-second, probably to make sure I don’t disrupt and annoy any more people than I absolutely have to.

[While I’m going to be in Sydney, I might have to pop down to Melbourne, so you’re not safe either Lauren!]

Right, let’s go and see what the Aussies have done to piss me off shall we?

Expect rabid ranting as of next week, ha!

Actually why wait till then …

The photo above was ‘borrowed’ from the long-running Qantas advertising campaign.

For years they’ve flown a bunch of angelic looking little bastards all around the World and filmed them while they sing one of the most self important/delusional ditties since Bono tried to get his band to play a song he’d written called …

“I am the greatest living person in the World. No one can touch me for talent, style and care to mankind. Even that God bloke pales into insignificance. Without me, the World would be nothing, and U2 would be a pub band. I am, quite simply, amazing.”

Seriously, how ungrateful can these kids be?

They get flown all around the World … getting access to the sorts of places even explorers dream about … and what do they do? They whine they’re not home.

Pricks.

“But Rob, you’re missing the point” I hear you cry, “… they’re saying exploring the World is wonderful, but there’s no place like home.”

No they’re not …

They’re saying exploring the World is OK, but why would you bother when there’s no place better in the whole fucking universe than Australia.

Hell, it’s almost as if Qantas are encouraging people to NOT travel … but to be fair, that might be something mandated by the Government in an attempt to subliminally encourage foreigners [read: immigrants] to stay where the hell they are.

Maybe.

If you hadn’t guessed, I don’t really like Qantas.

Sure, they’re not as bad as Garuda, Malaysian, Air India or British Airways – but they’re working hard to be as ground breaking in awfulness as those distinguised organisations.

I’m not saying this because of my associations with Virgin, I’m saying it because it’s true and everytime I see one of their ads featuring a little sod warbling their hearts out singing that fucking song, it reminds me that even if the ‘flying kangaroo’ did get its act together and offered half decent planes, service and facilities – I’d still explore other options before I flew them.

Saying that, these ads do give a good insight into the Aussie attitude because if you follow the underlying message of the song [which isn’t hard as it’s about as deep as a puddle] you realise the reason why Qantas resonates so deeply with the Australian public is because it speaks their language …

“Buckingham Palace might be impressive, but the Wooloomooloo wharf serves cold beer and doesn’t mind you wearing shorts and singlets.”

“Eating Thai food in Thailand might be novel, but it doesn’t taste as nice as Australian Thai and the people talk funny.”

Hey, I’ve always said moving cultures is better than moving the category so I guess I should bow down to their brilliance – especially as they seem quite content ‘talking to their own’, which is proving to be a far more successful strategy than any of their recent global tourism campaigns the countries run, especially the recent ‘great hope’ that flopped as much as the movie it was tied to: Baz Luhrmann’s “Australia”.

Seriously, what’s wrong with being associated with Sun/Beach/Koala/BBQ’s?

Most other countries would kill for that association – but the powers-that-be don’t think it demonstrates Australia’s progressive attitude.

Well there’s a reason for that … Australia isn’t as progressive as many of the people think.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s an amazing country with amazing people that has – and continues to – achieve amazing things, but it’s not this home of global innovation that some of the folk like to delude themselves with.

But putting that aside, if they’re so desperate to present a more modern image to the World, why the fuck did they put all their eggs in the basket of a movie that shows Australia when it was a bloody dust bowl?

Not only that, but regardless of her Oscars and high profile life, the ice-Queen – Nicole Kidman – probably puts more people off the place than it attracts. Infact, the only thing I think they could of used her for was if they did ads that simply said: “NICOLE DOESN’T LIVE HERE ANYMORE”.

Jesus, where did all this come from?

How the hell will I be when I’ve actually come back from the place?

Who knows … but before you Aussies get your knickers in a twist, I’m only teasing – I love the country and I love [most] of the people … though I really do hate those Qantas ads.