The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Please note a car ‘robbery’, not even a car theft.

And that ladies and gentlemen is the difference between down town Singapore and down town Nottingham … a place where car crime is so common that you don’t even get a visit from a copper, let alone a road side sign.

The reason I write this is because we’ve just been doing some work to understand the attitudes of the World’s “yoof” – most specifically interms of what they’re most afraid of – and when I look at the initial feedback from Singapore and the UK, the good and bad of both countries is laid bare.

In short, one of the worries for a typical 17 year old in Blighty is crime – most specifically physical crime.

Whilst the number of knife attacks have dropped from the madness of last year, it’s still made enough of an impression to be one of the major concerns going through kids heads.

So what do you think is one of the biggest issues for a Singaporean yoof?

Crime?

Nope.

Health?

Nope.

Sex?

Nope.

It’s exam grades and starting salary.

Yep, there’s a big group of Singaporean kids whose biggest worry in life is whether they can live the lifestyle of a 1980’s clichéd yuppie..

Even with the recession, a time where many people are getting a sense of perspective as regards what is/isn’t important, this attitude is still prevalent … to the point where many students are embarking on additional qualifications – not because they have a curiosity that craves to be satisfied, or even to extend their [alleged] “get drunk/get laid” lifestyle – but because they feel the jobs that are available in these financially trying times are beneath them … certainly interms of starting salary, because having gone to Uni they think they’ve ‘paid their dues’ and should be commanding the sort of monthly income it took their parents 30 years to achieve.

Hell, it’s got to the point where some students speak out against their Universities offering places to foreign students because they believe it is encouraging unnecessary competition!!!

I said it a while back – both here on this blog and to the Education Department of Singapore – the best thing for this countries continued prosperity is stop national service and start enforcing international backpacking because then they might start to realize how fucking lucky they are and how success today has little to do with finishing your studies, but doing something with it that makes a real difference.

For a country like Singapore that is fantastic at thinking ahead [which is a byproduct of a Government that knows it is still going to be in power 20 years from now because of its democratic dictatorship rule] I find it amazing they can’t see the implications of their current [and past] policies and philosophies on their countries health, stability and prospects and act accordingly.

Maybe it’s because they know alot of their countries power came from attracting foreign companies to their shores and getting them to invest in their people and infrastructure so their attitude is that as long as they can ensure that keeps happening, their over-indulged, smart and hard-working youth will always have a job.

Because I believe the categories stupidity is self evident given they continually bring out more and more razors with more and more blades, I thought I’d simply recount the possible background to this latest waste of marketing shelf space.

Researcher:
“One key finding is that men are finding it hard to shave those difficult to reach bits because there are now so many blades on a razor.”

Gillette Exec 1:
“Ungrateful bastards!”

Researcher:
“In every one of out 367 focus groups, one respondent would spontaneously suggest that a razor with only one really good blade would give you a great shave and allow you to get at those difficult to reach bits because it wouldn’t be so cumbersome. Pretty much all the group respondents then enthusiastically agreed with this suggestion.”

Gillette Exec 2:
“One blade?? That’s ridiculous and shows how little those idiots know.”

Gillette Exec 4:
“Yeah, Schick’s got 4 … we can’t do one, that’s so not the best a man can get”

Gillette Exec 7:
“We need five blades”

Researcher [hesitantly]:
“Well, what about all the guys that want just one blade that gives a good shave and lets them get at those awkward bits?”

Silence, broken eventually by Gillette Exec 12 ….
“How about 5 blades with one blade on the back? We go one up on Schick and all those complaining guys get what they think they want. It’s win:win, marketing gold super-solution.”

Gillette Global VP Exec [Multi-Blade] Marketing:
“Genius… I’ve got a name for it that blends the old and the new, two razors in one, revolutionary 5 blades with traditional one blade. Gentlemen, the men of the world need the new Gillette Fusion.”

All Gillette Execs:
“Genius, you are brilliant, I wish we could be as great as you oh brilliant one”.

Rest of the World:
“Another example of a brand taking the lazy way to differentiate which actually doesn’t differentiate them at all, just shows they are lost in a blinkered battle within their category”

And if you listen carefully, you’ll hear WPP executives cheering into their silver breakfast bowls.

In all seriousness, when you’ve had a read, let me know what you think.

Does this mean films should start putting commercial breaks in the middle of the story and can Colgate sit back and relax knowing their formulaic and overtly rational communication has as much validity – if not more so – than the latest Fallon extravaganza?

Surely if you’re really enjoying yourself, you wouldn’t actively seek an interuption … isn’t the point of pleasure that you don’t want anything to change?

To be honest this is mindfucking me, because there are definitely examples I can think of where ‘interuption’ has benefits, but rather than increase the pleasure, it’s more about increasing the anticipation – which maybe is their point, but I’m too muddled to be sure.

Suggested Names?

‘Harder To Swallow’ or ‘You Don’t Know You’re Born You Soft Pansies Sacks Of Shit’ or ‘Recipies From The Last Time The Banks Fucked Us All Over’ or even ‘As Your Mama’s Mama Used To Make’.

Seriously, I love everything about it … I love the concept of the show [especially apt now] … I love the way it’s produced … I love the background stories and history that gets talked about during the ‘cooking phases’ and I ABSOLUTELY LOVE Clara!!!

I can almost guarantee this show would be a hit – especially with students and the elderly – and it makes you realise how bloody lucky we all are, both interms of what we have and how easily we can get it.

Tesco’s or Sainsbury’s should sign her up … fuck all these celebrity chefs with their avant-garde recipies … she can tell you how to take one bag of rice and a carrot and make it last a month.

Hmmmmn, that wouldn’t be very good for sales would it.

Well they should sign her up anyway because she’s wonderful and emits more charm and likability than all the big time cooking charlies put together.

So Earth Hour is going to be on us yet again and like every year, I go away a bit more confused than happy.

The principal behind Earth Hour is great – raising awareness of the World’s impending environmental catastrophe – however like most advertising today, it seems happier promoting the problem rather than solving it.

Of course this is totally understandable when you remember the people behind the original concept were ad/marketing folk – Leo Burnett’s Sydney and Fairfax. [or it could be News Ltd, I can’t remember, but whoever it was, Leo’s were the ones who leveraged the idea to the greatest extent]

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate any action is good … and I appreciate that to truly turn this situation around requires some major, major changes – changes that go beyond you, I and countless billions of other ‘normal’ people – however for all the visual impact it has when the World presses ‘off’, it’s seemingly not changing people’s long-term attitudes towards climate change given the environmental issues are continuing to get worse rather than better.

Have I got the answer – no, and besides when you appreciate that for some developing nations, the environment will always play a distant 2nd to their quest for economic growth/strength/stability, you realise this is something the West may have to lead even though they’ll do all they can to resist, claiming it will undermine their own economic needs, despite the fact for many of them, they got to be so far ahead because they treated the environment with a similar distain as a man who ‘inherits’ a ginger haired step son – I am simply stating that we seem to be developing into a culture that is more about ‘impression’ than ‘action’, but hey … I’m as guilty as the next person … but not as guilty as this one. 🙂

Anyway, I’m going totally off track because at cynic we’ve decided to hold ‘Girth Hour’ during ‘Earth Hour’ which basically means stocking up on as much chemical ridden food as we can possibly get our hands on, and getting sponsored for each bag of crisps we can scoff down in an hour.

It’s abit of an unfair challenge given Andy’s creds in this arena, but given he has to also drink a bottle of beer inbetween each bag and being sick means you have to give $250 of your sponsorship cash to the other participants [it’s all going to the homeless] means it is anyone’s guess who will be crowned King [or Queen] of the “If You Are What You Eat, Then We’re Going To Be Crisps” challenge.