The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Look, I don’t know what you have against the most bold and proud of all fonts but there’s obviously some bad blood between you and I don’t mind admitting your comments hurt, they hurt alot.

Alright … alright … I’ll clarify that.

Your comments hurt ME … because if truth be told, every other bugger was cheering you on like mad people.

The fact is I like IMPACT …

However as a socialist, I had to bow down to the people’s voice [that and the fact M&C wanted it changed] so with a tear of regret, I allowed the guys to go off and create something new … something that had no trace of impact on it at all …

Yes I like it … I really like it … but I still feel the victim of a group assault.

Infact the only reason I decided not to report you to the Font Police is because the guys showed me how this new design could be incorporated into a company crest [the thing at the top of this post] – which is clever because pathetically that’s been something I’ve wanted since my HHCL days.

Yes I know it’s sad … yes I know it’ll never be used in our day-to-day stuff … yes I know it shows I have a massive insecurity complex … but having this piece of pompous designer wank lets me feel like I’m a member of Nottinghamshire royalty and given my family tree includes some peasant stable hands, that’s a big step in the right direction.

In all seriousness, there is meaning behind the logo/crest … infact it means stuff that is quite important to me/us … so rather than take the piss for our [or more correctly, ‘my’] moment of prima-donnaness [are you listening Marcus? 🙂 ]I ask you to celebrate the fact you’ve been able to wean me off IMPACT because alot of people have tried, but until now, everyone had failed.

You’re free now and you’ll see Tigger again …

Even if you’re not a football fan [as in real football, none of that Aussie/American rubbish] this is an interview to behold.

Saying that, if you are of a nervous disposition, please don’t go – it has language even I don’t allow on here.

Finally, the man in question – Joe Kinnear – was a manager at my beloved Nottingham Forest. He actually did quite well initially and then by the new season, he returned to ‘Forest Manager Type’ … ie: loopy and crap.

To be fair, I do agree a top quality bickie can leave a positive impression on a visitor … and yes, I accept some people do temporarily on whatever ‘treat’ is put out onto the table … however unless you’re dealing with a total fuckwit, I still don’t believe someone saying “Ooooooh I love Bourbons, I haven’t had them for years” will guarantee a bad meeting instantly turns good.

Come on ‘Holiday Inn Hotels & Resorts’, let us know more about this ‘survey’ you conducted. Just how many people did you interview – and what industry/country were they from?

I think you have a moral duty to tell us the facts … or is it that you’re scared we may not hold your ‘findings’ in such high regard once we find out all you did was have a cuppa with 3 fat Yanks who all work in the ‘corporate snack hospitality business’.

Anyway, as you can tell from my Hob Nob and Bourbon comments, I’m a humble biscuit lover [though Lemon Puffs also rock my boat. Ooer] … so if you were in a meeting with a company you were really angry at, what biscuits would they have to bring out to make you smile again?

I’m starting to get abit fed up of companies who charge people more money simply because they’ve updated their product/service.

I know investing in new technology costs a bloody fortune, but unless there’s a fundamental benefit to the customer, I can’t see why they expect us to pay for what is the cost of them remaining relevant.

Take Qantas and SIA …

Both have taken delivery of the new A380 plane and both are charging more to fly on it.

They justify this by saying you get better inflight facilities … however whilst having a few more channels on the telly may be nice, it still doesn’t make up for the fact that …

1/ It takes just as long to reach the destination as it ever did.
2/ The leg room in economy is as tight as ever [they say there is more leg room – however due to the way the new seats operate, you actually end up feeling even more closed in, especially when you put your seat back]
3/ These new planes are the most economical in history – so in essence they’re making more profit from each flight than they’ve ever done before.

OK so the plane industry is having a hard time – and to be fair, it is one of the few industries that has progressively got less expensive as time has passed – but I still can’t work out why I am expected to pay a significant premium for very little in return.

The reality is they’re banking on the ‘curiosity’ factor and as we’re all mugs, we fall for it – however as Virgin Atlantic will probably do the same when they get their A380’s [though obviously they will offer REAL extra benefits – won’t you Lee / Steve / Paul?] I think I’ll leave it at that and focus on an issue much closer to home.

Singaporean Taxis.

Yes Taxis.

OK … OK … so the cost of a cab fair out here is ridiculously cheap, especially compared to London, Sydney or the most scary – Tokyo – however the cheeky bastards have decided that punters have to pay an increased fee more simply because they’ve updated their Model-T Fords.

However it gets better …

You see whilst SIA and Qantas can at least claim the A380 plane represents the latest and greatest in aeronautical technology, Singapore’s PREMIER taxi’s expect us to pay more FOR RIDING IN A KIA!

A fucking KIA!

OK … so it’s only 20 cents more than getting into one of the normal Toyota’s or Nissan’s … however they also have the nerve to then charge an additional 20 cents for every 45 seconds of waiting time AND 330 meters traveled.

Seriously, I’m surprised they don’t try and add a premium if the cab driver has washed his/her hair …

Of course they don’t actually publicise this pisstaking cost structure – well, not in a way that the masses would find out easily – they just try and secretly get away with it, like those restaurants who automatically add a ‘10% service charge’ to your bill.

I tell you, if there’s one thing guaranteed to get my goat, it’s that ‘service charge’.

Apart from the fact it’s often the restaurant who benefits from this additional income rather than the waiting staff … I just hate how they they automatically add it to your bill.

Putting aside the fact you’ve already paid a fair wedge for the food they’ve just dished out, I can’t see why they think they have the right to decide WHAT I should give them.

It’s like writing a $1000 cheque from your parents bank account, then asking them to sign it because you’ve decided you deserve a ‘bonus’ for doing the dishes without them asking.

Actually it’s not that.

It’s like spending a $1000 on your parents credit card, then asking them to pay the bill because you decided you’ve deserved a ‘bonus’ for doing the dishes, even though that’s what you always have to do to earn your pocket money.

Look I often tip … it’s a byproduct of too much America in my blood … however this automatic ‘surcharge’ means that unless I’ve experienced service that went beyond the minimum standard I should expect, then I ask for it to be taken off.

Is it uncomfortable?

Sure … that’s why they do it that way … however the way I look at it is if I’m going to give anybody some money for doing nothing, then it’s going to be a charity or a homeless person.

The irony is I now tip less than I did when it was left to my own personal discretion – and that’s a direct byproduct of companies having the arrogance to assume they deserve more for offering the same – or, as is often the case – less.