The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Biscuits Are Better Than Planners [Oh Crumbs!]
October 3, 2008, 6:34 am
Filed under: Comment

16/09/2008 by you.

So next time you have a pitch, don’t worry about coming up with pesky things like a strat … an idea … a comms plan … just go to the corner shop and buy a packet of Chocolate Hob Nobs and hey presto, the business will be yours.

To be fair, I do agree a top quality bickie can leave a positive impression on a visitor … and yes, I accept some people do temporarily on whatever ‘treat’ is put out onto the table … however unless you’re dealing with a total fuckwit, I still don’t believe someone saying “Ooooooh I love Bourbons, I haven’t had them for years” will guarantee a bad meeting instantly turns good.

Come on ‘Holiday Inn Hotels & Resorts’, let us know more about this ‘survey’ you conducted. Just how many people did you interview – and what industry/country were they from?

I think you have a moral duty to tell us the facts … or is it that you’re scared we may not hold your ‘findings’ in such high regard once we find out all you did was have a cuppa with 3 fat Yanks who all work in the ‘corporate snack hospitality business’.

Anyway, as you can tell from my Hob Nob and Bourbon comments, I’m a humble biscuit lover [though Lemon Puffs also rock my boat. Ooer] … so if you were in a meeting with a company you were really angry at, what biscuits would they have to bring out to make you smile again?

[No cakes made with money or drugs allowed. Sorry!]

36 Comments so far
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I’m almost relieved to see this post after all the tension of the past few days. πŸ™‚

The biscuit I always loved even if it was more a meal than something you would have with your cup of tea was a Wagon Wheel. Do they still make them? Of course the other biscuit that isn’t a biscuit that I loved was the amazing Jaffa Cake. Britain may of let parts of its industry collapse but in biscuit creation I will always think of them as Kings.

Comment by Pete

And the title of this post is straight out of Danger Mouse which I know you will mistake as a compliment. πŸ™‚

Comment by Pete

and I was always taught that it was the G&T’s in the meeting that did it !

Comment by fan

i’m not sure about high-level client meets, but a while back mr terrett posted about biscuits (and tea) in client meetings and i think the response was the most comments ever on his blog – with an overarching opinion of: must have biscuits in meetings. of course there was no consensus as to the best biscuits, but cheap fare = cheap fare.

interestingly, this spills over into other areas of ‘getting what you want from people’… exhibition openings that have food and wine (as opposed to just wine) are generally better attended, people stick around for longer and buy more stuff. [ok, so not focus-group tested, but based on 2 years of running a gallery.]

and in fact i’d even go so far as to suggest that the whole of marx’ theory was probably based on people’s appetites – keep people fed and you will avoid a revolution πŸ™‚

[how’s that for mcvitties to riots in 3 easy leaps :)]

Comment by lauren

We have a pitch here at our office in about 2 hours, I’m not even kidding when I say I’ve sent the creative coordinator to the best Italian cake store in Melbourne (Brunetti’s in Carlton, Lauren!) to pick up some extra special biscotti.

Let’s hope this research is spot on. Keep you posted.

Comment by Age

We held Cynic’s first birthday party in a brothel – with all the ladies being the waitresses.

We justified it because at the time we were doing a major project for Virgin about ‘humanities hidden sides’ and you know what – it was the first party I/we have ever held that had everyone … and I mean everyone … turning up, including everyone’s partners, haha!

So if you can’t get biscuits or Italian cakes, get an office in a brothel and they’ll all come as well.

“All come as well” … maybe I could of chosen a better set of words there, ha!

I find your comment about food driving art gallery visitation really interesting Lauren, is there any data or stuff on that? I guess it explains why a ‘sausage sizzle’ still has more pull than an ad – so expect cynic sausage division any day now.

Age – good, good luck and Pete – your choices are very good. I have no idea about Wagon Wheels but I know Jaffa’s are still around and one bite and I suddenly go back in time. It’s anti-aging food, ha!

PS: I would never want to play ‘6 degrees’ with you Lauren, you’re obviously a World Champion!

Comment by Rob

Age – good luck!! thankfully brunetti has the best cakes/biscotti, ‘cos their coffee is shit. and one day i’m gonna take you to the second-best place for biscotti – in footscray, believe it or not.

Rob – like i said, that info about food/gallery visitation is just from my experience, but i’m sure there would be some kind of research about it. let me look into it..

Comment by lauren

Take me to the 2nd best place for biscotti too!

Comment by Rob

sorry rob – at this rate, we’re never going to meet f2f, so age will have to take you to the 2nd best place for biscotti instead. πŸ™‚

Comment by lauren

is it too late to express my absolute, utter, unquestioning love for crumpets..? the tension between the soft, pliant middle, the brash crunch as your teeth break through the top, the way the hot butter runs down the inside of your arm.. I am not ashamed to say that I brought back 8 packs in my luggage from the UK last week. anyone who fed me them in a meeting would get more than my business.
does everyone know about the british high court judgment on Jaffa cakes recently?

Comment by Mr McG

Mr McG – was it a ruling on the cake vs biscuit?

Comment by lauren

it was indeed! choc bics are a luxury item – so taxed higher. Mcvitties had to prove that jaffa cakes were in fact a cake (albeit a very small one) so they made a BIG jaffa cake, took it to court and gave everyone a slice. they won. Final high court ruling on cakes Vs biscuits – when stale, cakes go hard and biscuits go soft. Best legal system in the world I love it.
Im hungry now..

Comment by Mr McG

when we have women over, we don’t give them anything.

But after the meeting we have some really high end chocolate we give as a gift.

For men: strudel

Comment by niko

George Bush announced today that his infamous ‘Axis Of Evil’ has been extended to include a new country by the name of ‘Niko’.

He warns this is a hostile nation who should be viewed as very, very frightening indeed.

Comment by Rob

from your lips to Microsoft or Halliburton’s ears Rob.

fingers crossed

Comment by niko

In the gallery world, Lauren is renowned for the quality of her buns.

Comment by John

Well done John … you’ve managed to insult both Mary and Lauren in the same week.

I take it you’ll soon be off to Rio to see Salman Rushdie’s plastic surgeon – which means by the time you come back, you’ll be known as Sandra.

Comment by Rob

speaking of rio. one dutch classic commercial.

I think the guys in the ad are northern

Comment by niko

Having had meetings in soul-less Holiday Inn conference facilities, I’m not surprised that people could only recall the biscuits and that is, after all, what this survey says. Perhaps the real meaning here is that those meetings which comprise of the number of people and the duration of time that are correlated with the perceived need for biscuits are, in fact, meetings that aren’t worth having.

And I insulted neither Mary nor Lauren, the fact that I am still alive is testament to that. I hope.

Comment by John

Did you learn to speak Corporate Twaddle at Berlitz or is it a natural talent?

And don’t get too comfortable in your skin, I have it on good authority it might be ripped from you by Monday. πŸ™‚

Comment by Rob

I think a good fry up (sausage, bacon, eggs, baked beans, black pudding) sitting in the middle of the meeting room’s desk would make a lasting impression on any client.

It is interesting isn’t it? Why biscuits? Why not, a fry up, or a huge bowl of fruit?

If I was a client and pissed with my agency they would have to do a fry up.

Comment by Marcus

That’s a top idea – so top I will instigate it on Monday – and no, I am not joking.

[Of course if the client dumps us, I have to sue!]

Comment by Rob

you fucking ungrateful sod doddsy! i slave over a whole gallery guide to new york fucking city for you and the return is that you suggest i’m a fucking slapper and comment on my fucking arse!! on which, by the way – being a man old enough to be my father – you should NOT passing judgement.

just be lucky that you’re networking with A-list wankers in NYC this week or i might have had to firebomb your fucking house. or at least send a fucking trojan to your pathetic excuse for a harddrive.

Comment by lauren

As I said John, you’ve upset 2 women in 1 week …

Comment by Rob

as my final statement for some time: Thank you mr Dodds, thank you for refocussing Ms Browns vitriol away from me.

Off to get a drink and get rejected.

Comment by niko

That’s funny, that’s what Dodds is doing as well πŸ™‚

Comment by Rob

Well I clearly didn’t phrase that the right way. The intention was to suggest that galleries and Lauren should not be judged on their h’ors doeuvres, but the use of irony did not come across. I’m very sorry Lauren.

Comment by John

How much sponsorship money did you need Lauren? I have a feeling Mr Dodds might be a very helpful benefactor. Andy is especially proud of you πŸ™‚

Comment by Rob

you’ll be pleased to know that doddsy has apologised in person (well, over the phone, across time zones and hemispheres). mary, you’ll also be pleased to know that you have him terrified.

Comment by lauren

I once had a meeting with one of our clients, a bank that is now one of the poor casualties of the financial crisis, the WestLB.
They did not only serve very poor cookies but bad coffee and Apolliaris (disgusting mineral water with carbon dioxide). The meeting was the horror. But at least now I know where they spend all the money they had saved on the food. Into doubtful US real estate loans.
On the contrary Google always offers a variety of beverages and sweets. It’s like meeting heaven. Innocent smoothies, juices, tons of different waters and coca cola company products, fresh fruits and a myriad of cookies and chocolate things. Now we only have to take the content of the meetings onto the same level…

Comment by Seb

I didn’t hear that last sentence Seb … πŸ™‚

He didn’t mean it Jonathan, ha!

Comment by Rob

Rob, you are right with the last sentence. I’m wrong. It’s not the content but the outcome.

Comment by Seb

Your client relationship is now safe Seb. πŸ™‚

Comment by Rob

Always happy to make a difference. πŸ™‚

Comment by Seb

Where is the be like Andy post…it was here, then it was gone…

Comment by Seb

That’s what happens when you’re tired and trying to write your blog posts for the week Seb … πŸ™‚

Comment by Robert

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