Filed under: Crap Products In History
Have a look at the picture above.
Have a good, hard look.
What do you think is the link between the pictures?
On the left hand side we have a wedding scene. In the middle some pie chart [has anyone ever actually done one of these in real life?] and on the right is a teddy bear.
Any ideas?
The reason I ask is because the latest ‘big thing’ mobile and computer companies are trying to flog are ‘multiple screen presentation’ machines.
What is that?
Well it simply means you can have a completely different set of programs and visuals on display, depending on whether you’re using your phone/laptop at home, at work or at the coffee shop.
WHY THE FUCK WOULD I WANT THAT?
OK, so I appreciate why this might be useful for multiple users of the same computer – but as far as I understand, that feature has been available on Windows for bloody ages – so it would seem a bunch of technology companies are hoping I’ll spend a shedload of cash on a machine that basically does something very fucking similar to holding down the ALT/TAB keys.
And can someone please tell me why I’d want that feature on my phone?
We already have the ability to create ‘profiles’ that allow us to control who/when people can get through to us – and while I’m a sad bastard who has actually organised his contacts in this way [does that explain why you can’t get through Andy, ha] I would bet I’m in the minority who utilise that feature.
To be fair I could be totally wrong with this post – maybe you get loads more features – but their ads don’t explain any of it, which is why I’m writing this rant rather than handing over my cash.
It would seem some of our friends in technoland are as desperate to differentiate themselves as the Ritz Carlton Hotel was with their monogram bollocks … so maybe its time they stop microscopically analysing their existing customers and start looking at the wider culture because like we did for Taj Hotels [or like Y&R did for LG mobile phones], when you develop an idea that address the bigger issues going on in people’s lives, something great, interesting, exciting and powerful can be created which not only creates real differentiation, but also attracts a wider potential audience,
Don’t think about moving categories … move culture.
Filed under: Comment
There’s a reason it looks like a coffin
So Bacardi are putting their global business up for pitch again.
What a surprise.
This is a brand who’s had more partners than Lindsey Lohan … and whilst you could say this indicates adlands continual failure to fullfil the needs a progressive thinking client, for once, that’s just not the case.
Infact, it’ would be fairer to say Bacardi has continually failed to fulfil the needs of adland because they go into relationships with a totally closed mind – refusing to listen to any fresh ideas, regardless of how beneficial they could be to their business.
The fact is they don’t care their category is full-to-the-brim with identical offerings, communicating in identical ways – they can use their distribution strength to counter that – they just want an agency so their fixed ideas can be produced, which is why as soon as there’s someone else who’ll do it for cheaper, they’re off.
Hell, listen to the reason they’ve given for putting the business up for pitch …
“We are reviewing our international communication in light of changing consumer patterns.
This is not any reflection of how we valued the agency’s work on the account.”
What the hell does that mean? It’s political mumbo-jumbo.
Sadly, despite adland knowing Bacardi ‘commitmentphobe’ tendencies, they still chase the business like flies around shit because [1] they probably think it’ll be different for them [2] they think it has to be better than working on Johnson&Johnson or whichever ‘energy vampire’ client they have on their roster [3] the brand spends bucketload of cash.
Of course, because the winning agency will have had to drop its drawers to secure the business, the only way it can make any money on the account is to put less resources behind it … which means a bunch of poor kids are going to be overworked and underpaid as they answer each and every stupid demand of the client – safe in the knowledge that whatever they do will never be good enough and the account is going to leave in a matter of time anyway.
The best work comes from the best relationships, it’s as simple as that … so if Bacardi continue to judge their agencies on how much [or little] another network would charge them, then they only have themselves to blame as they become more irrelevant and/or downmarket.
Filed under: Comment
I know Scamp can write the odd pile of balls [but still in Division 2 compared to my bollocks] but what on earth could he have done to deserve this.
I have a very nasty feeling about this – what the fuck is going on???
Filed under: Comment
I know that sounds abit hypocritical coming from me [but as we learnt from my last post, hypocrisy is my middle name], however check this out …
Sounds like your colleagues don’t believe your qualifications Graham! 🙂
[Incase Principals get on the case, here’s the undeniable evidence]
Filed under: Comment
Remember my post about US singer/songwriter Ryan Adams?
It’s the one where I talk about the time he was just about to launch into a song at one of his concerts when some evil genius in the audience screamed out …
“Play The Summer Of 69”
Apparently the singer was so angry that he declared he wouldn’t play another song till the guilty party was kicked out from the show.
Genius. [that’s the heckler, not the singer]
Anyway, it would seem Bryan Adams has decided to totally fuck with the guy, because browsing through a record shop, I saw his new album cover looked like this …
… which looks remarkably like this one from Ryan …
Coincidence? I don’t fucking think so.
To be honest I’ve always had abit of a soft spot for Bryan Adams [and no, it’s not a marsh] because I loved his ‘Reckless’ album and my guitar teacher actually went and joined his band for a few years … however seeing this act of mindfucking brilliance – intentional or not – makes me like him even more and I’m almost willing to forgive him for that Robin Hood bollocks he churned out for Kevin ‘hair weave’ Costner.
I wish more brands embraced humour.
No, I’m not talking about the 30 second sponsored joke … I’m talking about their overall brand behaviour.
OK, so challenger brands tend to have it in abundance but what about the more established players? When did humour come to represent unprofessional?
Sure, it’s down to what you say, how you say it and – to a certain extent – where you say it [so no “NORTHERN ROCK TO LAUNCH RUBBER CHEQUEBOOK” gags] but it’s ability to capture and enrapture cannot be underestimated … especially when the competition continually act like a bunch of stiffs.
I always felt BMW’s “April Fools Day” press releases in the UK, did more to make the brand appealing to the masses than any of their ‘Gillette Man’ ads. Infact it made such an impact on me that I always suggest to our clients they do something on April 1 because not only does it give them almost instant differentiation [for basically zero cost] but it genuinely enhances the reputation and perception of the brand in an instant.
Admittedly, whilst it’s been relatively easy to get brands like Virgin and Lonely Planet to do it, I’ve had less luck with organisations like TNT and NASA, but I’ll keep trying because I believe the benefits [for brand, agency, trade, consumer] far outweigh the possible negatives.
Despite me saying I’m against 30″ jokes … I am going to leave you with one.
Infact, this is one of my favourite ones because it’s not built around an irrelevant or ambiguous gag, it’s built around the core benefit of the clients product. [Take note Fallon, ha!]
What makes it especially worthy of praise is that the category – Corporate Data Backup – is hardly known for it’s sense of humour, so great credit has to go to the agency [Y&R] and the client [Computer Associates] for letting go of the category pomp and embracing a more human side to corporate communication.
And it worked it’s little socks off!