The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

If I say ‘Ovaltine’ … what comes to mind and what feelings do you get – even if they are from a time gone by. Ta.

When I was growing up in Nottingham, you went to Woolworths for Pick ‘n’ Mix, 7″ singles or … if you were really lucky … a slightly out-of-date video game.

Infact, the only cool thing about Woolies was their Christmas ads … but that was only because you enjoyed seeing slightly out-of-date telly stars whoring themselves for a last few dollars of income.

So imagine my surprise when I moved to Australia and found there were bloody loads of Woolworths all over the country … and rather than selling plastic crap, they were all supermarkets like Asda and Tesco’s etc etc.

Infact they were so into this ‘food selling’ that their advertising campaign idea was [and still is] WOOLWORTHS: The Fresh Food People.

Anyway I was in Balmain Woolies about a week ago when I looked over and saw what can only be described as an FBI Wanted Picture Board – except it wasn’t an innovative way to capture criminals – it was the ‘Fresh Food People’ themselves.  However on closer inspection, I realised that they weren’t that fresh and too be honest, they weren’t that human looking either – especially the ‘Meat Manager’ who is a pervert-in-the-making if I ever saw one!

I know people can’t help the way they look … but when you say the word ‘FRESH’ – do you really think of ‘mug shots’ pinned up on a GREY board?

GREY!!! That’s surely the shade of death!!!

Come on Woolies … Where’s the colour?  Where’s the vibrancy?  Where’s the fresh? [and no, a couple of shriveled up grapes and a bunch of over-priced cauliflowers doesn’t count!]

Sure it’s a little thing … but in marketing today, it’s no longer about having a brand position, it’s about having a brand experience and for all the years I shopped at that store [purely because of convenience], I can honestly say that never once did I feel Woolworths was offering me a fresher, more natural and wholesome shopping experience.

OK, so maybe some of my views are formed because of my UK experience – but when you are faced with a bunch of uglies like the ones above – do you really feel you are in a place committed to giving you the finest food around? I rest my case.

… this time it’s from the Shangri-La in Bangkok. 

Amazingly, I didn’t eat it [Freddie did] but it was “Very Good!” [said in a Swedish accent]

So the movie sweeping the World is the quite outrageous – and asthma-inducingly funny – Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan.

Unsurprisingly, quite alot of people in the movie are quite angry at him given he blatantly took the piss but they didn’t realise till it was too late.

One group that are particularly upset are a bunch of Eastern Europeans who have found out that Sacha Baron Cohen is earning millions from the flick, while their appearance fee [while admittedly, being pretty good for Eastern Europe] was but a few pounds each.

What I find interesting is that while so many of us get hot under the collar when companies like Gap and Guess utilise ‘slave labour’ … we are all seemingly OK with it when it involves film – especially a film where we all laugh ourselves stupid.

Hell, maybe GUESS should just do some ads that make people laugh – then all there problems will simply go away …

So what does this mean in terms of brands and branding …

Well too be honest, I’m not too sure … but it does seems the ‘values and morals’ that many of us claim to hold dear, can be totally disregarded if it is associated with either blatant entertainment or – in some cases – the ridicule/social-justice of individuals/countries that express a persona that is either arrogant, overly-intellectual or lacking in human decency/empathy. 

In other words, the ‘Robin Hood’ effect … best demonstrated by Virgin and now, Borat.

No, your eyes do not deceive you, this IS an ad for a toilet and if that wasn’t strange enough, it’s for a TEN THOUSAND DOLLAR toilet!!!

Ten grand.  For a loo. Holy shit eh!

Apparently it has an ‘automatic’ seat lifter for those too lazy/germ obsessed to reach a few inches and pick it up/put it down … plus it has a ‘turbo flush’ for reasons I don’t even want to think about.

However, the really, really weird bit [apart from the ‘oh-so-cool’ photo styling and bloody flamingo!!!] is that this wasn’t in some uber-cool interior decorating magazine … it was in Singapore’s FHM!!!

Now, correct me if I am wrong … but isn’t this totally crap [excuse the pun!] media placement?

Apart from the fact that the only bottoms FHM readers like to think about are those attached to beautiful models … the magazine is hardly the most obvious place to reach people who’ll spend 10k on a place to leave their bodily waste.  Sure, if the loo had a PS3 built in, it might be a different matter … but I can’t see too many getting excited about it’s innovative seat styling!

Maybe I am missing something here … but for all the talk media companies give about knowing where consumers spend their time – I am constantly underwhelmed by their strategies/executions … because exluding the net and a few ambient ideas [often done for the cred of the agency than the client], it seems in practice, they generally seem to use the same old, same old to bring their clients brands to the consumers attention.

Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate media agencies … there’s a few out there who I respect enourmously [plus it’s not just media agencies faults, but also creative companies and clients – who are obsessed with only using quanitifable communication channels] … but I can’t help but feel I was experiencing much more intelligent media thinking back when I was with HHCL [and working alongside Michaelides and Bednash] back in 1990!

Clients are currently in love with media agencies because they think they are more ‘responsible’ with their cash … and media is a very, very, very important componant in the communication process … but ‘what you say’ and ‘how you say it’ is just as important as the channels you communicate in – and the sooner clients and a few media companies get a grip on this, the better.

I know this is going to make me sound like an old fart, but there was a time where everyone I met appreciated the different disciplines and the roles they had to play in achieving client success … I find it so sad that we now live in a time where every person seems to think their individual skill/discipline is disproportionatly more important than those around them. 

For me, the best planners – be it media / creative / business – are the ones who can truly think ‘neutral’ … the one’s who can develop ideas / thoughts / concepts that really can work in any channel [be it mainstream communication / web / POS / promotion / NPD / distribution etc] and if this industry is going to survive the barage of the ‘management consultant’, it’s time to go back to basics and start with training tomorrow’s generation of ad people because at this rate, we’re going to be about as relevant as a 10k toilet ad in a typical lads mag.