The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

Today, I am ensuring he can’t wait for me to get on with buggering off. Probably.

You see, I’ve had a beard of sorts for as long as I can remember … even before I didn’t have hair on the top of my head.

In fact the only time I’ve properly shaved was about 15 years ago when Jill wondered what I looked like without it.

Well she found out … and the answer was, I looked like a child.

We have never mentioned it again …

Anyway, recently my social media has been filled with clips of people who shaved their beards off their face to see how their family would react. Unsurprisingly, it wasn’t great. Not because – as was the case with me – they didn’t look good, but because they just looked so different.

Kids cried.
Partners trembled.
Animals growled and barked.

Now you’d think with that reaction, the idea of me even considering doing it again would never cross my mind … but it did. Fortunately, for me though, was rather than do it for real, I could turn to AI.

So I did, and this is what I look like …

Look at me!

LOOK. AT. ME!!!

Jesus Christ, I look like a fucking sex-pest.

Seriously, if I shaved and found myself looking like that, I think I’d voluntarily hand myself into the Police. Not because I’d have done anything but because I’d assume the Police would just arrest me for how I look.

And if you think I’m being hard on myself, imagine how my wonderful colleague, Gi, must be feeling given that’s kinda-how he looks every day.

Fortunately for him, he’s a much nicer, smarter and taller version than me … which means he can walk the streets without fear of arrest while also being completely safe in the knowledge I’ll never, ever shave, so he will never have to worry of being mistaken for me.

Consider that my gift to you Gi. And humanity at large.