The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

After spitting what seemed like half a bucket of saliva into a test tube, I sent off my results and waited.

A few weeks later, I received this …

Now either I’m the most Worldly man that ever lived [bottom image, where I apparently have roots in 150 nationalities] or there has been a mistake with my results because according to them, I’m 27% Italian but don’t register significantly as British at all [1%].

In fact I’m more Syrian than British.

And Polish.

And Ukrainian.

And German.

In fact I’m apparently mainly European Jewish.

Now I know I have a nose for it but my Dad’s family was longterm English and my surname is that well known European Jewish name, Campbell so I’m really not sure what’s going on.

What’s weirder is my wife – who, let’s not forget, is a bloody Australian/Canadian – took the test and she is 60% British.

SIXTY PERCENT.

Now I know England owns Australia and Canada, but how the hell can she be more British than me … someone who has a British father, British grandparents, British great grandparents and spent the first 25 of his life there?

The only positive is that I can now pretend I’m an International Man Of Mystery … or I can until I take the test again [because I’m convinced I ate some peanuts that somehow screwed with the results] and find out I’m 100% idiot.