The Musings Of An Opinionated Sod [Help Me Grow!]

I subscribe to US Weekly magazine.

I know … I know … but in my defence, I subscribe to a whole host of terrible magazines and in some ways, US Weekly is almost academic in comparison to some of the other stuff I get.

There’s a couple of features I love.

The ‘Who Wore It Best’ is always great for a laugh because they always have some size 000 supermodel in a dress and then ask ‘people on the street’ to decide if she looks better than the size 18 ‘TV star’ who made the terrible mistake to wear a similar looking thing to an industry party. Seriously, it’s almost as good as the time I made a bunch of heavily pregnant women watch a show called ‘Runway Mum’s’ … which was a program featuring catwalk models who were pregnant but still looked utterly amazing.

I swear to god the level of hate aimed at the television would make ISIS feel awkward.

Anyway I digress …

There’s another feature that regularly appears, except I hate it … and it’s the ’25 Things You Didn’t Know About Me’.

Similar to the rubbish/lies adfolk used to write in Campaign magazines ‘A Day In The Life’, it tends to be an array of facts that have been focus-group tested to make the ‘author’ look witty, deep, sensitive and kind.

In other words, it has no resemblance to reality whatsoever.

The reason I bring this up is that Chris ‘girlfriend beater’ Brown recently featured in the article and his answers reached a new level of rubbish.

Sure, there’s the same bollocks designed to make him look good.

Sure, there’s a desperate attempt to look like ‘he has found God’ in a bid to win back some of his female fans, despite the fact the lyrics to his songs are about as un-Christian as watching a porn movie at the Vatican.

But after spouting how rich and successful he is and how many cars, houses, possessions he owns … he goes on to ‘reveal’ a secret towards the end of the list shows he’s not only stupid, but has about the same level of self-awareness as Donald Trump.

Or the average, multi-national ad agency boss.

See it you can spot it.